Verbify the Word: LimitlessLessons Accept All Meanings

Please let me introduce you to a genuine truthteller.

My good friend at LimitlessLessons is passionate about everything she does. In her life, with her family, in her career, in her writing … she is true. And while she is a wonderfully positive person, her writing and reflection is not all sunshine and rainbows and puppies. She does what I don’t do sometimes–she shares the ugly parts, the vulnerable parts, the absolute true and hard to admit parts. Which is why her writing speaks to us all. We find our souls are sitting there, nodding their collective heads in understanding while we read. It is just one of the reasons why I admire her so much. You are going to love her, too.

Please welcome LimitlessLessons to MommyVerbs and Verbify the Word Wednesday!

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I started LimitlessLessons about a year ago for a variety of reasons.  One of those reasons being I was searching for something, although I’m not sure what.  Maybe I was searching for the key to happiness, or searching for others who were like-minded, trying to better themselves, and searching for something as well.  Or possibly I was searching for an outlet to discuss experiences I was either excited or confused about.  I’m not really sure, but I was definitely searching for something that would make my life more peaceful and fulfilling.

When MommyVerbs was kind enough to invite me to be a guest blogger for her and explained I was to focus on a verb, the word “search” may have been an obvious choice.  But, if there is one thing I’ve learned this past year, it’s that the most concise and beautiful path to a content life is tostop searching and start accepting.

Just as the word “accept” seems like a pretty uncomplicated verb with a straightforward meaning, you would think accepting life as it’s presented to you would be straightforward as well.  Well, it’s not…at least not for me.  Did you know that according to the Encarta Dictionary: English (North America) there are actually twelve definitions for this simple word?  I’ve picked my top 6 definitions to assist me in taking a look at what I’ve learned (and continue to learn) over the past year as I’ve trudged along on my happiness quest.

1.      Take something offered

I’m learning the importance of taking something offered.  More often than not, that “something” is a helping hand, words of wisdom, or simply just a hug.  Accepting others’ help is very difficult for some people (me!) as it can be misconstrued as weakness.  The truth is, it takes great strength to acknowledge your shortcomings and admit you are in over your head.

 2.       Say yes to invitation

I am saying yes to more invitations…literally and figuratively.  I am not very comfortable around people I don’t know well, so making new friends has always been challenging for me.  I have been stepping outside my comfort zone and saying yes to new people and new opportunities as well as reconnecting with old friends I have lost touch with.  Just in the past year I have started yoga, participated in a bowling league, became an advisor for my sorority on campus, painted my first painting, started tennis lessons, and traveled out of the country for the first time with my husband.  Agreeing to write for MommyVerbs falls in this category as well.  There was definitely a time I would have politely declined because I would have been fearful my writing would not have lived up to the expectations.

 3.       Come to terms with something

This is a biggie.  There are so many things I’ve had to come to terms with.  Friends can become strangers as quickly as strangers can become friends.  I can’t stop my kids from growing up or our parents from getting older.  People can be incredibly mean-spirited, but they can also be incredibly kind.  Life goes on even when you don’t want it to.  Endings are always painful.  The quality of your friendships is much more important than the quantity.   People will always judge you, and although you may not live in your past anymore, there will be some who try to visit you there often.  You never know someone’s true character until they are angry at you.

 4.       Endure situation

This definition says to tolerate something without protesting or attempting to change it.  I have spent my life trying to change people and situations or trying to persuade people into seeing things my way.  Once I realized that wasn’t working, I spent years trying to change myself.  Although change can be good, I have focused lately on accepting myself each day wherever I am.  I’m always striving to be a better version of me, but I am finally learning to accept the current model with all its bugs and flaws.

 5.       Believe something

I believe that attitude is everything.  It governs the way you perceive the world and the way the world perceives you and a good attitude helps you achieve your greatest potential.  Although I believe this with all my heart, I have a ways to go with my own attitude some days.

 6.       Take blame for something

I am not perfect and have never claimed to be.  I have made plenty of mistakes and will continue to do so.  I have hurt people and I have handled situations in counter-productive ways.  My parenting is a work in progress and I’m not always the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, employee and friend, but my heart is always in the right place.  No one can be harder on me than I am on myself.  I’ve also realized that sometimes all someone wants to hear is a simple “I’m sorry”.

Unfortunately we can’t be selective about what we accept…we must accept it all.  This is the hard part.  Stewart O’Nan says,

“You couldn’t relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile.  You had to accept it as a whole–like the world, or the person you loved.”   

As I work tirelessly to find acceptance in the experiences, challenges, and people God lies at my feet, I find my happiness grows in direct proportion.

Laozi, a philosopher and poet of ancient China, encourages us in our acceptance by saying,

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

So, in the words of my inspiring MommyVerbs friend and colleague…Let’s all, Go. Do that!

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See. I told you so. Don’t you just love her!? Go check her out at www.limitlesslessons.com and like her page on facebook for more daily inspiration.

I was reading something the other day and the article ended with this question…

Are you living or simply existing?

Of course I’m living I thought.   To not be living would mean I don’t love my life and of course I love my life.  End of story.  But, as many things do, it left me thinking.  How do we know if we are merely existing?

Dr. Phil says existing is instinctual; it is involuntary, reactive self-preservation, with the primary goal of just getting from one day to the next without regard to quality. Living, on the other hand, is the exercise of certain learned skills, attitudes, and abilities that you have acquired and honed to a sharp and focused edge.  Living is waking up excited each day and looking forward to the known and unknown the day may bring.

A large component of simply existing is fear.  Fear of making a change, fear of the unknown, fear the grass is not greener.  Because of this fear, we do the same boring routine every day, we stay in dead-end jobs we don’t enjoy, we stay in toxic relationships that are no good for us, and we put off our dreams.  To change feels too hard and too scary.  We settle and make excuses to not live the life we truly want to lead.

Kimanzi Constable published a book called Are You Living or Existing? 9 Steps to Change Your Life.  He explains the difference between living and existing this way…

“The difference is realization, attitude and action. You start by realizing that time is one resource we’ll never get back, so we can’t afford to waste it doing things that won’t better our life. Then have the right attitude towards everything you do, viewing opportunities as a blessing and not another task on your to do list. Action means not wasting your life away watching the latest prime time shows. It means getting out and creating amazing experiences. At the end of your life you won’t remember all of the stuff you got or shows you watched. You’ll remember incredible experiences and times you impacted the lives of others.”

So how would you even know if you’re someone who exists or lives? Steve Jobs did something that could provide some guidance. Apparently he used to wake up each morning, look at himself in the mirror and ask himself the same question, “If I was to die today, would I do what I am about to do?” If his answer was no too many days in a row, he would make a change.  I think this is a good starting point for figuring out if you’re just settling for mediocrity. If you’re not getting excited or happy most days with what you’re going to do, you may need to take action and change something. This goes for every area of your life.

After being brutally honest with myself, I had to admit, although I’ve done my share of living, I’ve also done my share of existing.  I decided that needed to change.  But where to start?  It felt right to start from Constable’s explanation of living…realization, attitude, and action.

I decided the first step was to take control of my life…to be fully responsible and accountable for my own happiness.  It is not the job of my co-workers, husband, children or friends to make my life meaningful, it is mine.  I decided to stop being a spectator to my life and instead, fully participate in each day.  At 45 my life is probably more than half way over and any time spent existing is just not acceptable anymore.  Time is precious and I don’t want to waste another minute.

Secondly, my attitude has to change.  I must begin to count my blessings and not my problems.  I must begin to see obstacles as opportunities.  Most importantly for me, I must stop my perfectionist ways.  I have to learn to be ok with failure and not be afraid to try new things.  I also have to accept the fact that living life to its fullest is not a destination, it’s a journey.  A journey I will be on for the rest of my life.  This step will be a work in progress for me and probably the hardest step of all.  The idea of change brings me much anxiety!

Finally, I must act.  I’m a great planner and a not-so-good follow througher.  I decided to really think about what I feel passionate about in life, what I enjoy doing, and what makes me feel good about myself?  I’m embarrassed to admit how difficult it was to identify things I feel passionate about or enjoy doing.  I’ve never been a big “hobby” person and my life has revolved so much around my kids the past 17 years, I realize I’ve sort of  lost myself along the way.  I am realistic enough to know I’m not ready for huge changes immediately so I’ve outlined some baby steps for myself in all areas of my life to push myself in the right direction. I had to take a deep breath and dig deep, but I’m excited about some of the possibilities I’m investigating.  Remember, even small steps can lead to big possibilities!

How about you?  Do you need to take this journey with me?  Do you find yourself simply existing more days than you are really living?  Or are you someone who lives life to the fullest and wakes up excited for what each day holds?  Either way, I’d love to hear your story!

My elementary school has chosen the book The 7 Habits of Happy Kids by Sean Covey as the book we are going to promote school-wide this year.  As part of that effort, our school t-shirts this year look like a baseball jersey with a “7” on the back filled in with the seven habits.  Here's a picture...

I was wearing my t-shirt one evening while I was in Panera for a meeting.  I was standing in line waiting to order when the woman behind me, tapped me on the shoulder.  She said, “I love your t-shirt!”  I chuckled and said, “Thank you!  I work in an elementary school and it’s our school shirt.”  She then asked me what it meant.  I went on to explain it was the 7 habits listed in Sean Covey’s book.  The woman then shared with me she was very angry with her husband and had planned to go home and “let him have it”.  She said she walked into Panera and immediately a particular sentence from my shirt jumped out at her.  It was the 5th habit from the book…

Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.

She told me she stared at that sentence and decided to approach her husband in a different way when she got home.  She was going to listen to him first and really try to understand his point of view and then explain hers and hope he would do the same for her.  I wished her luck and that was that, but her story stuck with me.

I have been so busy creating and researching lessons to teach my students this important habit, I had not really thought about how it applied to my own life.  In the book Mr. Covey writes, “In school we’re taught how to read, write, and speak.  But we’re not taught how to listen, which is the most important communication skill of all.  Listening with our ears isn’t good enough, because less than 10 percent of communication is contained in the words we use.  The rest comes from body language and the tone and feeling reflected in our voice.  What a great blessing it would be if we could teach our kids how to listen while they’re young!”  I could not agree more Mr. Covey!

In my profession, listening to others is an important skill, so I do a pretty good job of it at work.  But, my personal life?  That’s another story.  I have found myself in a couple of situations lately where I was far from being a good listener.  I think most of us would agree we spend much more times seeking to be understood than we do to understand.  It’s so important to us to get our point across and make sure people know our view about something, the skill of listening has fallen to the wayside.   We get caught up in the moment of defending ourselves or making sure our opinion is heard and it’s only later we sit back and wish we had really taken the time to LISTEN and UNDERSTAND.  We miss valuable opportunities to form deeper relationships when our only focus is to be understood.

Sadly, listening has almost become obsolete in this high-tech, electronic world where most of our communication is through social media and texting.  People don’t talk anymore….they do everything by text and social media.  They fight over Twitter, break up over text, make up over text, and share some of the best and worst news of their life over Facebook.  Social media has some amazing benefits.  I am able to keep up with friends in a way I never could without it and I love being able to hear my friends’ good (and sometimes bad!) news.  But if this is the only way we communicate, it becomes a problem.  If less than 10 percent of our communication is made up of the words we say (or type!), imagine what we are missing!  Since there is no tone or feeling reflected over text or social media, we make up our own.  This can be dangerous.

I’m committed to be a better listener.  I’m committed to seeking FIRST to understand before I expect to be understood.  If I expect my elementary-aged students to do, it has to start with me.  Imagine a world of faithful listeners where everyone’s first priority is seeking to understand others first…how powerful would that be!?!  In the words of Rachel Naomi Remen, “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention...A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”   Let’s all try it today!  Be an attentive and active listener with the intent to understand, not just reply, and let me know how it goes!

I have this “friend”. I tell her everything.  Recently though, I’m realizing she is not a very good friend.  In fact, she’s the worst friend I have.  Here is a sampling of some of our conversations…

Me:  I lost a pound this week.
Friend:  A pound?  Seriously? You’ve been drinking spinach like someone is paying you by the leaf and getting up at some ungodly hour every morning to work out and you only lost one pound???  That sucks!  I’d give up on that!

Me:  I forgot the one paper I needed for my meeting today.
Friend:  How can you be so stupid and forget that?!
 
Me:  Catie didn’t have what she needed clean for volleyball this morning. I feel bad.
Friend:  You should feel bad!  You are lazy and unorganized and you really need to figure out how to get your shit together!!  Other working parents get it done…why can’t you?

Me:  How do I look? (after getting ready for an evening out)
Friend:  Tired and old.  The 40’s have seriously not been kind to you.  I’d ask for a do-over.
 
I know what you’re thinking.  You are thinking why in the world would I have a friend like this and why would I ever let someone speak to me this way.  I’m wondering the same thing.

The saddest part of this story is that this “friend” is me.

If you follow LimitlessLessons on Facebook you know I post a lot of quotes.  Some have a very personal meaning to me, others I just love the message, while a handful stick with me and speak to me in a very profound way. This one stuck with me…

It’s a simple quote but I couldn’t get it out of my head.  As those who know me are well aware, I think A LOT.  I have been known to create stories in my head that could win an Academy Award.  I tend to think I know what others are thinking and feeling when in reality I have no idea.  I have a hard time having relationships with people who don’t communicate well because if you don’t tell me what you are thinking or feeling, I’ll just make it up in my own head.

I’ve actually gotten much better about this, but what I have not gotten better about, is how I talk to myself.  I would never tolerate anyone else talking to me the way I talk to myself sometimes.  If someone spoke to my child or mother or best friend the way I speak to myself, I’d be outraged.  So why is it ok for us to treat ourselves in ways we would never allow others to treat us?

It’s not.  And I know I’m not alone out there.
 
Throughout the day, our thoughts race at a hundred miles an hour, jumping uncontrollably from one self-diminishing thought to the next without consciously registering as such. If someone else was to put us down, our senses would immediately awaken and we would probably defend ourselves. However, there is no such self-defense mechanism with negative self-talk. All this negativity is blindly absorbed and becomes that much more toxic to our lives and particularly the relationship we have with ourselves.

What are the unsupportive thoughts you hear playing on repeat in your mind right now?  What self-defeating, abusive and limiting statement is your brain trying to convince you (or have convinced you) to be true?  Here are some of the more common ones…

I’m not good enough.
I’m ugly.
I’m too fat/tall/short/young/old.
I’m stupid.
He/she’ll never love me.
I am not lovable.
I am a bad parent.
I am a horrible person.
There is something wrong with me.
I never have enough time.
I don’t deserve …
I can’t …

Again, Don’t believe everything you think.

So how do we change this?  The first step is to be aware…really pay attention to the internal voice you communicate with.  Take note of every time you say something negative to yourself. I think you’ll be surprised how often it is.  Next, start to counter those thoughts with the reverence you would give your best friend. Speak to yourself
with kindness and love.  Be the kind of friend to yourself you want others to be to you. 
Remember, you teach others how to treat you so treat yourself with all the respect, love, and compassion you deserve!  If you don’t, who will?

I have not felt like myself for the past year.  There are some mornings my body feels like a truck ran over me during the night.  I’m always tired…even after 10 hours of sleep. My pants just keep getting tighter and tighter even though I’ve changed nothing with my diet and exercise.  For a year, I’ve been chalking it up to stress. This past year has been emotionally trying for me on several fronts, the main one being my job.  This past school year was definitely the toughest one for me yet.  So I pushed through the year thinking I would feel better this summer.  I haven’t, so I finally went to the doctor.  My doctor was a bit alarmed when she saw me because I bet I’ve only been there once or twice in the past 10 years, so she took my concerns seriously.  We talked fibromyalgia.  We tested my thyroid.  She did extensive blood work.  We researched blood diseases because of all of my bruising.

I finally got my diagnosis…I’m getting old.

Seriously?!  The doctor informed me that it’s scientifically proven that women in their 40’s are always tired, hot flashes begin, and their metabolism starts to plummet. Great, I thought, let’s just add that to periods, cellulite, waxing every hair off our body, and childbirth and let’s all get in line to be a woman!  She continued by telling me I could do exactly what I’m doing right now and I would gain around 5 lbs each year.  Or I could cut out carbs and increase the intensity of my workouts to 5-6 times a week and hope to maintain through the next decade. At this point I realized she seriously was not going to give me a pill to fix this.  I complained it wasn’t fair.  Men can give up soft drinks and lose 10 lbs and women are existing on quinoa (and if you know what that is,
you know what I’m talking about!) and jump on the scale to see they’ve gained a pound!  She agreed, saying it was the male testosterone that made it easier for some men and she would happily give me some but I would probably grow a full beard.  Hmmm…skinny with a full beard or heavier with a smooth face?  I do have a pretty good razor at home…

Seriously though, I knew in that moment she was right and something had to change for me.  I’m a woman, so I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t about the number on the scale and what I look like, but for the first time it was about more than that.  It was about feeling better. 
 
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

If you know me at all, you know diet and exercise are not my strong points.  On most days the closest I get to a well-balanced meal is a plate of cheese fries and a glass of wine (bacon=protein, cheese=dairy, potatoes=vegetables and wine=fruit…looks good
to me!)  I recently filed a police report to try and find out who stole my endorphins because mine are missing.  Exercising for me is about as fun as childbirth.  That’s when I called Sharon from Eat Well Play More to be my health coach…to support me on this quest to be healthy and feel better.  To change my mindset from “the only thing that matters is the number on the scale” to “the only thing that matters is how I feel”. To empower me to take care of myself as well as I take care of others and to be the best me I can possibly be, no matter what the scale says.  She has the patience of a saint because my steps have been baby steps but at least I’m moving forward.  She would be really proud of me sitting here drinking my spinach while I write this and even knowing how to spell quinoa!

I have purposely stayed away from the topic of weight on this blog because it’s a sensitive one. This is not about weight though, this is about health.  I want to be alive to play with my grandchildren.  I want to be an example to my own children that health is important and what you put in your body matters.  I don’t just want to be alive, I want to be healthy enough to really live.  I know I am more than a number.  I know the value I bring to the world is so much more than a bikini ready body.  I know it’s the size of my heart, not the size of my butt that makes me beautiful. I’m outraged by the unrealistic expectations placed on women to look a certain way and I’m saddened by all my beautiful friends who do not see their own beauty because they are not a size 2. And I’m embarrassed that I know exactly how they feel, because I feel it too.

I have a very long road ahead of me, but hopefully some of the changes I’m making will give me many extra years to figure it all out!  Any motivation and positive thoughts you can send my way would be greatly appreciated and if you find my endorphins, I really need them back!

I love to express myself through writing.  Although I’m articulate and I have no problem talking to people, I tend to be very reactive. I speak without thinking through my thoughts. 
This can lead to some regrets and a number of embarrassing moments because I can say some pretty stupid stuff!  Writing gives me a chance to ponder my thoughts, to read them through someone else’s eyes, to do on paper what my mind can’t seem to do…to slow down.

I’ve been writing this blog for 5 months now.  I started this blog for various reasons…to share some things I’ve learned through my counseling background and my own life experiences, to see if I like writing as much as I think I do, to challenge myself by doing something totally out of my comfort zone, to test if it was something I would stick with and not give up on, to open up doors with the possibility writing might be part of a
career for me one day, and mainly because I enjoy it.  What I write about isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and each time I post something I debate if I should keep doing this.  Something keeps me at it though.  I often get writer’s block.  Not because I don’t have something to say (I always do!) but because I also decided to stay away from topics that are too personal, too controversial, too heavy. I told myself this was
because I wasn’t ready for the criticism and judgment that comes along with
plunging into topics like these.  But it wasn’t until I started reading a book by Brene Brown called Daring Greatly that I understood the real reason I don’t delve into these hard topics.  I don’t want to be vulnerable.  Not just in this blog, but in life.  

Vulnerable is defined as capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt; capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.  As I write that even I’m thinking…well who in the world WOULD want to be vulnerable?  Brown explains in her book how vulnerability is both the core of difficult emotions like fear, grief, and disappointment and the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, empathy, innovation, and creativity.  She explains that when we shut ourselves off from vulnerability, we distance ourselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.

I want to share an excerpt of the introductory of her book.  It was one of those “aha” moments for me.  I reread it many times hoping her words would seep into my pores.  I find them extremely powerful.  I hope you will too.

Taken from Daring Greatly by Brene Brown:

The phrase Daring Greatly is from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech “Citizenship in a Republic.”  The speech, sometimes referred to as “The Man in the Arena” was delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France on April 23, 1910.  This is the passage that made the speech famous.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

Who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…”

Dr. Brown continues with her thoughts.

The first time I read this quote, I thought, this is vulnerability. Everything I’ve learned from over a decade of research on vulnerability has taught me this exact lesson.  Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging.  It’s being all in.

Vulnerability is not a weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional.  Our only choice is question of engagement.  Our
willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our
courage and clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnect.

When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationship and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.

Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.  We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be – a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation – with courage and willingness to engage.  Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen.  This is vulnerability.  This is daring greatly.

And this is just the first page!  So this is my new motto…I’m daring greatly!  I’m not sure exactly what that’s going to look like, but I have a few ideas. There are some arenas I need to walk into and some places I need to dare to show up.  I need to realize
fear is not going to protect me and perfection is unattainable.  I need to be vulnerable.

If you liked this post, go get her book.  I ordered it through Amazon but I’m sure it’s in any bookstore.  She has also given two TED talks and I’ve attached them here if you want to hear more.  And if you get the book and you want to discuss it through an informal book club, let me know and I’ll set one up on my blog.

I was part of a conversation recently where I overheard a lady telling someone else how she wished all sports would be banned from schools.  She felt too much emphasis was placed on sports, and not enough on academics.  She wasn’t talking directly to me so I decided to stay quiet.  But, I get it.  The accolades for athletic accomplishments far exceed the accolades for academic accomplishments.  We have sports sections in the newspaper and sports segments on the local news, but very little concerning the academic achievements of our youth.  Parents will sit in the freezing rain for hours to watch their child play sports, but won’t show up for a 15 minute parent-teacher conference.  Parents will argue profusely with a referee on a call they deem to be unfair, or make a multitude of calls to a coach if they believe their child is receiving unfair playing time, but have no interest in the unfairness of teacher pay, budget cuts, or the overall direction our education system is headed.  It’s a family affair to show up to watch our kids play sports, but how many of us bring our families to school-sponsored events that are not athletic in nature.  I’ve worried about the mixed signals I’ve sent my own kids at time.  Do my actions tell them I value their achievement in academics more than their participation in sports?  Our country certainly isn’t telling them this when the average NFL player makes a median salary of $770,000 while a teacher’s median salary is $52,000.  Like I said, I get it.

But now for the flip side from someone whose kids play A LOT of sports.  My kids are learning some crucial life lessons from their participation in sports and I couldn’t be more proud.  There were so many, I really struggled narrowing my list from 15 or 20, but here are my top 5! (in no particular order)

1.        Understanding commitment – My kids love playing sports, but there are days they really don’t want to go to practice.  But they do…because they’ve made a commitment.  They know their team is counting on them and they don’t want to let them down.  It’s their responsibility to contact their coaches if they have to miss a practice or need to be late, just like it will be their responsibility once they get a job.  Sports have taught them once you commit to something you follow through on that commitment because others are depending on you.

2.       Overcoming obstacles and perseverance – Life is going to throw us obstacles at every turn.  I certainly can’t prepare my kids for every one of them, but sports have taught them how to work through many.  They’ve dealt with getting cut from teams, lower than hoped for playing time, difficult teammates, questionable coaching, bad calls from refs, injuries, unsportsmanlike behavior (teammates AND parents), and playing through illness.  They are learning you get out of life what you put in it.  Nothing is handed to you, you must earn it.  And in order to earn it, you must never give up.  Effort equals results.

3.       Defining success – Sports are showing my kids there are many ways to define success.  Of course, wins and losses are one way, but I’ve watched my kids come home disappointed after a great win because they were not pleased with their personal performance, or on the other hand, be ok with a loss because they knew they played their best.  Success in life can be defined in many ways as well, but they are learning that doing your personal best, always equals a personal success.

4.       Teamwork and a focus on what you can control – Sports provide an opportunity for kids to learn to take turns and cooperate with teammates to achieve goals…even teammates they don’t like.  This holds true for the rest of your life.  You are going to have to work with people you don’t like, but still get the job done.  As kids learn their role on the court or field, this translates into the working world where you must understand your role within an organization in order to be most effective and efficient.  In life and sports, there is a lot of uncertainty.  You can control your attitude and effort, but you can’t control the refs, how your teammates are playing, or the coaches’ decisions.  Sports are teaching them to stay focused on THEIR effort, not on the outcome and let go of what they can’t control.  They make mistakes, but as athletes, they are learning to acknowledge their mistake, learn from it, then quickly brush it off and put it in the past so they can be mentally ready for the next game.

5.       Everyone has something different to offer/respect – In team sports, it’s rare that one person can perform every task well.  Different members of the team have different strengths and weaknesses.  Sports are teaching them to appreciate these differences and the importance of respecting what all people contribute to a game.  My kids have made friends with a diverse group of people they would have never had an opportunity to meet without sports in their life.  They also are learning how to be humble winners and gracious losers…a skill that will take them far in life.

Many people have questioned my decision to allow my kids to participate in so many sports.  They express concern for the limited amount of free time the kids have, the money and time we have spent on traveling on the weekends, and the lack of “family time” we have.  But it has been, without a doubt, the right decision for our family.  My kids stay naturally fit and healthy, they have stayed out of trouble (so far), and it’s something our family enjoys doing together.  Games are a family affair with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  Some of our best memories have been the four of us squeezed in a hotel room.  And then, of course, all the above mentioned lessons they are learning.  With all that said, I’m well aware that it’s their academics that will solidify their future and be the deciding factor on where they go to college.  So I will continue to try and find a balance for both their academic and athletic achievements.  I’ll still be the pacing mom up in the stands that can’t stand to watch when games get close and the pain-in-the butt mom checking their grades on the computer on a weekly basis. And I’ll continue to be extremely proud.  Not only of their report card or their starting position on a team, but proud of the amazing human beings they both are…on AND off the court.

Raise your hand if you over-think things.  Raise your hand if you wish there was a switch in which you could turn your thoughts on and off.  Raise your hand if you over-think your over-thinking.  If you didn’t raise your hand, go directly to the comment section and share your strategies!!  Seriously!  I want to hear them.

If you’re still reading, it means you’re like me, relentlessly trying to find a way to silence the constant chatter in my head.  Sometimes it’s important chatter, things that are serious to me or have me upset or worried.  In those times, I over-think the most, over-analyze, rehash, try to put the pieces together to make things make sense, even obsess.  My over-thinking tends to create problems that weren’t even there to begin with. 

Most of the time it’s a mental list of all the things I need to do, errands I need to run,  projects I thought would be finished by now, commitments I made to other people, carpool plans, kids’ schedules, work deadlines, and things I forgot to do. 

And sometimes it’s just plain ridiculous.  It goes something like this.  I sit down to “meditate” for a minute (because I hear that’s really good for this).  A bee buzzes by…I wonder if bees really die when they sting you…I remember a time Brandon got stung by a bee and how painful it was…Ouch, I’ve got a pain in my foot right now… reach down to rub the pain and notice my shoes… I hate these shoes, why did I wear them… I seriously need to clean out the shoes in my closet…wait, I still have that shirt I borrowed from Allison in my closet that I never returned…Allison, crap, I was supposed to call her back an hour ago…I bet she was calling about picking Catie up from school…Damn, I was supposed to make Catie a dentist appointment…actually, I need to make myself a doctor appointment…well first I need to shave my legs…I wonder if everyone shaves their legs before they go to the doctor of if that’s just weird…I’ll have to ask the next time I go to happy hour…oooh, I could really go for a happy hour…actually I could really go for a whole night out…well definitely not in these shoes! 

“SHUT UP!”  is what I want to say to myself!!!  Quit thinking!!!

So how DO we quiet the mind?  I’m still trying to figure that out, but yoga is one thing helping me.  The first time our instructor told us to quiet our mind, I seriously had no idea what I was supposed to do!  I spent the whole time overanalyzing what exactly I was supposed to be thinking about if I wasn’t supposed to be thinking!  How can you not think about anything?  Again Paige, SHUT UP!!  So that’s what I did.  I started focusing on the quiet music he was playing or the sound of my breath.  I became present in THAT moment, whatever that might be.  I realized the more I tried to “force” thoughts out of my mind, the less luck I had.   So if I thought came in, I’d just tell myself not now, and do my best to focus on the silence.  It gets a little easier each week, but it is still extremely hard for me.  I’m not used to silence.  I have a huge imagination and a curious mind.  I have a passion for details and although it’s been construed as being nosy at times, it’s not.  I’m sincerely interested in the small details of someone’s life.  All of those qualities come in handy for my job, but in my personal life it’s exhausting.

So, I’ve been telling myself to HUSH UP (seems nicer) when I start to think too much and I just STOP.  May not last as long as I would like it to, but it does work.  How do you silence your mind?  What strategies help you stop over thinking and obsessing?  I would love to hear your thoughts!  And if you don’t comment, I’ll just over think why no one responded and you’ll make my problem worse!  Of course I’m kidding!  Well, kind of. (Insert winky face!)

I'm a planner.  Not so much with my friends, but when it comes to me, my family, and my job, I like to plan.  I also like to see my
plans.  I haven't even brought myself to put my calendar in my phone because I like to see the whole month laid out, color coordinated by person.  I love excel spreadsheets, to-do lists and even the occasional sticker chart for myself to see how my plans are going.  But herein lies my problem…the follow through.

A typical day for me looks something like this…

PLAN to wake up 30 minutes early so I can get 20 minutes in on the treadmill and not be rushed getting us all out the door. 
REALITY…Hit snooze three times, wake up 30 minutes late, and rush out of the house in a tizzy, frustrated with everyone.

PLAN to eat a nutritional breakfast at home before I leave. 
REALITY…(see #1) go through Chick-Fil-A

PLAN to have a positive attitude and lots of patience for the kiddos. 
REALITY…my breakfast duty does me in.

PLAN to pack healthy snacks for the day. 
REALITY…(see #1) parent brings cupcakes for Johnny’s birthday and cafeteria makes too many cinnamon rolls so I eat them as to avoid hurting anyone’s feeling for refusing(ok, so that’s not really why I ate them!)

PLAN to check 5 things off on my work To-Do list. 
REALITY…a parent calls, two kids get in an argument, we have a fire drill, Jane is sad because Susie has a new best friend, so I add something to my To-Do list I’ve already done so I can enjoy that wonderful feeling of marking through it with my red sharpie!

PLAN to bring a healthy lunch. 
REALITY…(see #1) eat steak and gravy and a roll from the cafeteria.

PLAN to drink four bottles of water at work. 
REALITY…get a caffeine headache and grab a Diet Dr. Pepper from the drink machine.

PLAN to go to the gym after work. 
REALITY…friend calls for happy hour.  Tell her I have to work out.  Haha, just kidding.  Go to happy hour.

PLAN to walk the dog when I get home. 
REALITY…too cold.

PLAN to use one of the 100 crockpot recipes I’ve pinned on Pinterest for dinner.  REALITY…(see #1) forgot.

PLAN to do 1-2 loads of laundry every night to keep up. 
REALITY…too tired.

PLAN to wash my face with the 43 different products I have bought to ease the aging process. 
REALITY…who cares.

PLAN to get 7-8 hours of sleep so I can get up 30 minutes earlier! 
REALITY…lay in bed feeling like a big, fat loser because all my planning resulted in a bunch of nothing.  So, I’m still awake at midnight planning how I can eat less, exercise more, be more productive at work, keep up with the house better, drink more water, spend more time with the dog, look younger, and get my beauty sleep.  

Shew.   The truth is, if I put half the time into DOING as I do PLANNING, I’d accomplish
more in a day than I do in a week!  Planning is necessary, but achieving is what makes each of us feel proud and why we even plan in the first place. Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and start acting!  That's hard for me.  I'm a thinker.  Actually, an overthinker.  I believe my need to plan probably goes hand in hand with my worrying (see Don't Worry...Be Happy post).  Planning make me feel like I have some control and, in all honesty, it's much less scary to plan than it is to actually do.  But I'm ready to change that. So that’s my plan on this April 1…less talk and more action!  What do you need to stop planning for and just start doing? What’s holding you back?

For most of the world, March is about March Madness.  For me, I’m calling it March Sadness.  This weather is killing me.  I hate the cold and the older I get, the worse it’s becoming.  It’s taking a toll on me physically and mentally, but the mental part is the worst.  I’m like a bear in hibernation.  Some days it’s hard for me to even get out of the bed.  I feel the chill in my bones…I can’t seem to ever get warm.  Every day at work, someone asks me if I’m sick because of the layers of clothes I have on, including my winter coat sometimes, and I’m still cold.  I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to spend time with friends, I don’t even want to shower.  I sleep more, I eat more, and I exercise less.  I’m depressed.  I know it’s the weather, because on that beautiful Saturday a few weeks ago, I felt the old me come back.  I worked in the yard, I took a long walk, my husband and I met friends out…I was happy.

In a previous post (What Do YOU Have to be Depressed About?), I mentioned a depressive disorder called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).  SAD is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year.  Most commonly, it begins in the late fall and continues through the winter months.  Less often, it causes depression in the spring or early summer months.  Symptoms include depression, anxiety, loss of energy, social withdrawal, oversleeping, loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, appetite changes (especially a craving for carbs), weight gain, and difficulty concentrating.  Many people (including myself!) brush off the feeling as a case of the “winter blues” or just a “cold weather funk”, but it could be more than that.  If you feel down for days at a time and you can’t seem to get motivated to do the activities you normally enjoy, you may want to consider seeing a doctor.

The causes of SAD are unknown, but there are some factors that may contribute to it.  The reduced level of sunlight in fall and winter may disrupt your body’s internal clock which lets you know when to sleep and when to be awake.  Reduced sunlight can also cause a drop in serotonin (a brain chemical that affects mood) and that may trigger depression.  Also, the change in season can disrupt the balance of melatonin in your body which plays a role in sleep patterns and moods.  It is diagnosed more in females and the further you live from the equator, the more prevalent it is.  As with all depression, if there is a family history, you may be more likely to have it.  Treatment for SAD may include light therapy, medication and psychotherapy, but there are some lifestyle changes you can make as a place to start.  

        Make your environment sunnier and brighter…open blinds, trim trees that block sunlight.

        Get outside…take a walk, eat lunch at a nearby park or simply sit outside in the sunlight.

        Exercise regularly…physical exercise helps relieve stress and anxiety, both of which can increase SAD symptoms.

        Eat a healthy diet…focus on protein and limit your carbs and sugar that will eventually make you feel even more lethargic.

I’m following my own advice for once.  I’m getting out of town for the kids’ spring break.  I’m heading south for more sunlight, warmer temperatures, and long walks.  And when I get back, March Sadness will hopefully be far behind me and April will be the start of happy months to come!  Do you battle the winter blues?  What works for you?

Just living is not enough... one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.  ~Hans Christian Anderson