I’ve been enjoying some “Bella Time” the past couple of months.  If you’ve ever had a lab, and especially a lab puppy, you know their energy can be quite exhausting at times.  So, on most days, I load her in my jeep and drive a mile or so down the road where my husband’s family owns about 150 acres of farm land and woods.  She can’t sit still on the way there, running from one window to the other and crying the whole time because she is so excited!  Although she is still quite crazy, we’ve come a long way from her jumping out the car window as I was going down the driveway the first time I took her!  Who knew you had to train dogs to stay in the car?!?

As soon as we get there, I open the door and she jumps out and takes off as I follow her in my jeep.  She runs through the pastures, stopping occasionally to play in a creek or swim in the pond.  She explores the woods and chases animals she smells that are long gone.  She gets so excited she can barely stand it, but is child-like in the way she never gets too far ahead, always looking back to make sure I’m with her and waiting for me when the need arises.  If we do get separated, one honk of the horn sends her swiftly back to me.  And I get to feel like a bit of a bad-ass crossing creek beds and driving places I would only feel comfortable in a 4WD.  She has gotten so attached to this time, on days I can’t take her she sits by the doors and cries and pouts.  She loves “Bella Time” as much as I do!

Along with being great exercise for Bella and some much needed quiet time for me, I’ve used this time to do what I always do…look for a lesson to take away, an experience to experience, or an “aha” moment to teach me something new.  Here are some things that have stuck with me.

Everyone should spend some time in nature.  My husband is a hunter, but he seldom shoots at anything.  One day I asked him why (which is, by the way, fine with me!)  He explained he loves to be in nature.  He loves the quiet, watching the animals, and the peace that comes along with being disconnected from the world.  It’s where he does his best thinking and feeling.  I get it now.  I get very limited phone service on this land so it’s mostly me and nature.  It’s quiet, it’s beautiful, it’s peaceful and I have seen some amazing things.  We used to spend a lot of times outdoors in our younger days and I forgot how serene it can be.  I would be remiss though in not mentioning that my idea of being in nature involves me sitting in my jeep with the air conditioning on because there are too many bugs outside and I’m scared of snakes!  But I’m still enjoying nature…just on my own terms!

It takes a very special person to stick by you through feast and famine. Normally on these adventures, the cattle are generally in the same location.  Recently the cattle were really spread out which is no fun for me because Bella is still learning not to chase them!  I called my husband and asked why they were so spread out.  He explained that when the grass is lush and in abundance, the cattle stick together.  When the grass is browning (due to our lack of rain) and there is not an abundance of food, they will go their own ways and spread out.  Obviously in the cow world, this is a necessity in order to find food, but I immediately thought about humans.  When our life is lush with an abundance of blessings and good fortune, people stick with us like glue.  When life is not so lush and we are lacking in good fortune and maybe even good choices, people scatter.  If you are lucky enough to have some of those special people in your life who stick by you in a drought, don’t let them go!

Mamas are mamas no matter the species.  I wrote in a previous blog post, Lessons from the Creek, about Bella’s run-in with a mama deer.  She has had quite a few run-ins with mama cows and it’s exactly the same reaction.  They will protect their babies with a passion that is like no other, just like we protect ours.  I discussed in the other blog post about our ability to turn from intelligent, soft-spoken women to a scarier version of the Incredible Hulk if we think our children are threatened.  I have also found that “mother instinct” to come into play with my dog!  Bella was in the woods and I heard a noise that alarmed me.  There are coyotes in the area and I got worried.  I know the likelihood of a coyote messing with her in the middle of the day is probably very slim, but I didn’t even think.  I jumped out of the jeep and was ready to take on the coyotes when Bella came trotting out of the woods.  Now, I admit I don’t know what I REALLY would have done if a coyote came trotting out after her, especially since I don’t even know what a coyote looks like, but for that moment, my adrenaline kicked in and I was ready to take some coyotes down!  I’m sure there are some people now spitting out their drink as they laugh at that last sentence, but it’s true!!  I also almost jumped in the pond to save her from (my perceived) drowning one time, but I’ll save that for another post.

A couple of more random lessons I’ve learned.  You would be extremely grossed out if you saw how many flies are on one cow.  I’m surprised they don’t all die from disease!  Also, cows poop…A LOT!  So much that I looked it up.  They can poop up to 150 lbs a day.  Disgusting, huh!  And the last random lesson I learned is no matter how hard I try to prevent it, a dog will always step in that cow poop the moment before they jump into your car!  It never fails.

Of everything I experience on these adventures though, the best thing is watching how happy it makes Bella…what could be more satisfying than that?  My daughter says I love Bella more than my kids.  Well, she IS always happy to see me, always sad to see me go, never talks back, never tires of my kisses (even in public), doesn’t know how to roll her eyes, and the only thing she wants from me is my attention and time…let’s just call it a tie!

My elementary school has chosen the book The 7 Habits of Happy Kids by Sean Covey as the book we are going to promote school-wide this year.  As part of that effort, our school t-shirts this year look like a baseball jersey with a “7” on the back filled in with the seven habits.  Here's a picture...

I was wearing my t-shirt one evening while I was in Panera for a meeting.  I was standing in line waiting to order when the woman behind me, tapped me on the shoulder.  She said, “I love your t-shirt!”  I chuckled and said, “Thank you!  I work in an elementary school and it’s our school shirt.”  She then asked me what it meant.  I went on to explain it was the 7 habits listed in Sean Covey’s book.  The woman then shared with me she was very angry with her husband and had planned to go home and “let him have it”.  She said she walked into Panera and immediately a particular sentence from my shirt jumped out at her.  It was the 5th habit from the book…

Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.

She told me she stared at that sentence and decided to approach her husband in a different way when she got home.  She was going to listen to him first and really try to understand his point of view and then explain hers and hope he would do the same for her.  I wished her luck and that was that, but her story stuck with me.

I have been so busy creating and researching lessons to teach my students this important habit, I had not really thought about how it applied to my own life.  In the book Mr. Covey writes, “In school we’re taught how to read, write, and speak.  But we’re not taught how to listen, which is the most important communication skill of all.  Listening with our ears isn’t good enough, because less than 10 percent of communication is contained in the words we use.  The rest comes from body language and the tone and feeling reflected in our voice.  What a great blessing it would be if we could teach our kids how to listen while they’re young!”  I could not agree more Mr. Covey!

In my profession, listening to others is an important skill, so I do a pretty good job of it at work.  But, my personal life?  That’s another story.  I have found myself in a couple of situations lately where I was far from being a good listener.  I think most of us would agree we spend much more times seeking to be understood than we do to understand.  It’s so important to us to get our point across and make sure people know our view about something, the skill of listening has fallen to the wayside.   We get caught up in the moment of defending ourselves or making sure our opinion is heard and it’s only later we sit back and wish we had really taken the time to LISTEN and UNDERSTAND.  We miss valuable opportunities to form deeper relationships when our only focus is to be understood.

Sadly, listening has almost become obsolete in this high-tech, electronic world where most of our communication is through social media and texting.  People don’t talk anymore….they do everything by text and social media.  They fight over Twitter, break up over text, make up over text, and share some of the best and worst news of their life over Facebook.  Social media has some amazing benefits.  I am able to keep up with friends in a way I never could without it and I love being able to hear my friends’ good (and sometimes bad!) news.  But if this is the only way we communicate, it becomes a problem.  If less than 10 percent of our communication is made up of the words we say (or type!), imagine what we are missing!  Since there is no tone or feeling reflected over text or social media, we make up our own.  This can be dangerous.

I’m committed to be a better listener.  I’m committed to seeking FIRST to understand before I expect to be understood.  If I expect my elementary-aged students to do, it has to start with me.  Imagine a world of faithful listeners where everyone’s first priority is seeking to understand others first…how powerful would that be!?!  In the words of Rachel Naomi Remen, “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention...A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”   Let’s all try it today!  Be an attentive and active listener with the intent to understand, not just reply, and let me know how it goes!

When I was a kid, we kept ourselves busy by playing outside. There was a street light near my house that bats were drawn to.  They would fly around the light at night.  The neighborhood kids would throw rocks up in the air and watch the bats swoop down, I guess assuming the rocks were food. I was a little weary of the bats. I worried they would swoop down and land on my head so I typically just sat and watched.  One night I got brave and decided to participate.  I threw my rock high up in the air!  I watched the rock go up…and I watched the rock come back down and hit me on the side of the head!  After some blood and tears, I decided I was done with the “bat game”.

I still have a dent on the right side of my temple from that rock.  It’s probably something only I can notice, but it occasionally leads me back to my 8 or 9 year-old self
to wonder why I didn’t get out of the way.  My husband would tell you it’s because
I was gifted with plenty of smarts but not a lick of sense.  He’s probably right, I am lacking in the common sense department at times, but I also think it might have been an indicator of things to come.

You see, just like that child stood and watched the rock hit her smack on the side of the head, this adult sometimes stands and allows hurtful people and situations to plow me over, with never even an attempt to get out of the way.  And just like I was the person who threw the rock that hit me, I think most of my painful situations have been self-inflicted as well.  
 
So how DO we “get out of the way”?  Here are some of the things I'm working on...

Stop surrounding yourself with people who bring you down.  Stay away from friends who judge you and make you feel bad about yourself and relationships that leave you feeling sad, rejected, and lonely.   Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.  Friends who support you and make you smile.  People you can be your authentic self with, not a mask of who you think they want you to be.  When I started doing this, my circle of friends dwindled, but I became a much happier person in the process.

Stop putting yourself in situations you know will lead to unhappiness.  Do things that make you happy… even if those things aren’t popular with your friends.  Doing things you truly enjoy will connect you with people with similar interests and you will be surprised how many people out there may have a hidden passion for the same things you do.  Writing a blog such as this is not something I have in common with many
people.  I knew I might not get a lot of support for it, but it has connected me with some of the most amazing people who write me privately about their struggles.  My writing is not for everyone, but for those who “get me” I cannot say thank you enough for your camaraderie.

Be you own best friend. Get to know yourself.  Learn to be comfortable spending time alone.  I spent more time by myself this summer than I ever have.  It was a blessing.  There was a time I would have not been comfortable doing that.  I always felt like I had to “fill” my time and try to keep up with the fun I thought everyone else was having.  For the first time in a long time, I’m comfortable in my own skin and I like being with me.

Let go of what you can’t control.  Just let it go.  It’s heavy and it’s weighing you down.  Hand it over to a higher power or decide you will revisit it some other time, but for now, set it down and continue the journey without it.  This is probably the hardest for me, but I’m making baby steps and so can you.

Stay positive and count your blessings.  There is always something to be thankful for, even if it’s just growing old…many don’t have that privilege.   Don’t take life so seriously.  That’s my goal this year…to put more fun in my life, especially at work.  Keep the focus on what’s good in your life and that will help you stay on the path of positivity.

What do you do to “get out of the way”?  Are some of the painful situations in your life “self-inflicted”?  I would love to hear your story!