For most of the world, March is about March Madness.  For me, I’m calling it March Sadness.  This weather is killing me.  I hate the cold and the older I get, the worse it’s becoming.  It’s taking a toll on me physically and mentally, but the mental part is the worst.  I’m like a bear in hibernation.  Some days it’s hard for me to even get out of the bed.  I feel the chill in my bones…I can’t seem to ever get warm.  Every day at work, someone asks me if I’m sick because of the layers of clothes I have on, including my winter coat sometimes, and I’m still cold.  I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to spend time with friends, I don’t even want to shower.  I sleep more, I eat more, and I exercise less.  I’m depressed.  I know it’s the weather, because on that beautiful Saturday a few weeks ago, I felt the old me come back.  I worked in the yard, I took a long walk, my husband and I met friends out…I was happy.

In a previous post (What Do YOU Have to be Depressed About?), I mentioned a depressive disorder called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).  SAD is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year.  Most commonly, it begins in the late fall and continues through the winter months.  Less often, it causes depression in the spring or early summer months.  Symptoms include depression, anxiety, loss of energy, social withdrawal, oversleeping, loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, appetite changes (especially a craving for carbs), weight gain, and difficulty concentrating.  Many people (including myself!) brush off the feeling as a case of the “winter blues” or just a “cold weather funk”, but it could be more than that.  If you feel down for days at a time and you can’t seem to get motivated to do the activities you normally enjoy, you may want to consider seeing a doctor.

The causes of SAD are unknown, but there are some factors that may contribute to it.  The reduced level of sunlight in fall and winter may disrupt your body’s internal clock which lets you know when to sleep and when to be awake.  Reduced sunlight can also cause a drop in serotonin (a brain chemical that affects mood) and that may trigger depression.  Also, the change in season can disrupt the balance of melatonin in your body which plays a role in sleep patterns and moods.  It is diagnosed more in females and the further you live from the equator, the more prevalent it is.  As with all depression, if there is a family history, you may be more likely to have it.  Treatment for SAD may include light therapy, medication and psychotherapy, but there are some lifestyle changes you can make as a place to start.  

        Make your environment sunnier and brighter…open blinds, trim trees that block sunlight.

        Get outside…take a walk, eat lunch at a nearby park or simply sit outside in the sunlight.

        Exercise regularly…physical exercise helps relieve stress and anxiety, both of which can increase SAD symptoms.

        Eat a healthy diet…focus on protein and limit your carbs and sugar that will eventually make you feel even more lethargic.

I’m following my own advice for once.  I’m getting out of town for the kids’ spring break.  I’m heading south for more sunlight, warmer temperatures, and long walks.  And when I get back, March Sadness will hopefully be far behind me and April will be the start of happy months to come!  Do you battle the winter blues?  What works for you?

Just living is not enough... one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.  ~Hans Christian Anderson

Whether it’s a loved one who has passed away, a relationship that’s ended before you were ready, or a friendship that has run its course, missing someone that’s not in your life anymore is painful. 

Grief is a complicated visitor.  Sometimes we invite her in, but sometimes she comes at the most unexpected, inconvenient times.  Occasionally she stays a while and comforts us until we are ready for her to leave, while other times she races in, stays a couple of minutes, and is out the door before we can blink.  Every so often she comes with friends and we all visit together, and other times we only want to visit with her alone.  We can go days, months and sometimes even years without seeing her, but when she arrives at our doorstep, she’s as familiar as the day we met her.  Some of us remain friends with her for a lifetime, while others are able to let her go.  Most of our loved ones don’t like her or understand her, unless she is visiting them as well.  She has a hold on us like no other.

On the day my dad died, my family was gathered around his hospital bed in my parents’ bedroom.  He had passed but we were still saying goodbye and toasting his life.  I happened to glance out the bedroom window, and the mailman was delivering their mail.  I was outraged.  I did not understand how the world could keep going while my family was in such pain.  I wanted everything to stop…to show some respect for my father, for me, for my pain.  As we all know, it doesn’t.  Life goes on.  Over the years, when my heart has been that heavy with sadness, I have looked for a word that described how I felt.  Sad just seemed too mild.  I wanted a word that just didn’t say I’m sad, but screamed it from the mountain tops. (Yes, I can be a little dramatic!)  One day I was listening to my husband and son talk about a deer they had killed while hunting that day and it came to me…I felt like that deer.  I felt gutted.  Like everything on the inside had been taken out and my shell was left to carry on.

I used to believe that time heals all wounds.  But I wanted to know HOW much time.  How long before I was healed?  I kept waiting for the day I would no longer think about my loved one, the week I would no longer cry, the month I would not fall to pieces over missing sharing my life with him.  That time never came.  It was then I realized time doesn’t necessarily heal anything.  It gives you the opportunity to find ways to cope with your grief.  Time scabs over your wound, but on certain days, when you pick at the scab or hit it on something and it falls off, the wound is as fresh as the day you got it.  Time also gives you the chance to begin to think of your loved one and smile through the tears.  I don’t believe you are ever healed, but you carry on.  I don't believe you ever forget 

This blog is about lessons and I learned a very valuable lesson on the day my dad died.  I was back in my own home, in my bedroom with my daughter.  She was about four at the time.  I was sobbing.  You know, that red, puffy eyes, snot running down your face, sounds coming out you didn’t know you could make, kind of sobbing.  My daughter started to cry.  I immediately went into “counselor mode” and told her that mommy is just sad about Gdad and its ok for her to be sad also.  She should just let it out.  She looked at me and said, “Mommy, I’m not crying over Gdad, I’m crying because you look so ugly!  You’re scary!”  Well then, lesson learned!  I now never cry in public!

I’ve been seeing a lot of students lately who can’t seem to stop worrying.  Just in the last week, I’ve seen a student, who between throwing up and crying, was worried about her Writing SOL.  A student from a military family was worried if they were relocated to a station oversees, they wouldn’t be able to bring their pets.  A brother and sister came to see me, worried their fighting parents might get divorced.  Another was worried about a sick grandparent, and yet another worried that mom wouldn’t be there to meet him when he got off the school bus.  Together, we write down the worry and put it in “The Worry Box” in my office, where I keep the worry safe with me until the time comes we need to pull it out again.  Most of the time, that time never comes.

Ok, so here’s the thing…I’m a life-long worrier currently trying to recover.  I can remember worrying as a child.  I especially worried about something happening to my parents, but I worried about other stuff too.  I have wasted countless hours worrying.  Hours I will never get back.  I defended my worrying by feeling like I had a good reason to be worried.  That somehow, all of this worrying would protect me.  It would make me better prepared to handle the situation I was worried about, or even avoid it all together.  I believed if I worried long enough or hard enough, I could change the outcome.  In some weird way, worrying was working for me.

What was not working, was the constant stress, anxiety, and sleepless nights my worrying was creating.  The toll it was taking on me and even on my loved ones.  A couple things happened that began to change my outlook on worrying.  One day a friend mentioned hearing a sermon about worrying being one of our greatest sins.  Worrying was a sin?  I’m not an overly religious person, so to be honest, I had never thought of it like that.  I believe God has a plan for each of us, so to worry is to say you don’t have faith in God’s plan.  I was interested enough that I looked up verses in the Bible that talked about worrying.  A few of my favorites…

Matthew 6:34  Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Luke 12:25  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Philippians 4:6-7  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

It was like God was saying to me, “Take a break Paige, I got this.”  And as Max Lucado said, “No one can pray and worry at the same time.”

Secondly, I realized worrying was solving absolutely nothing for me.  The worrying was not stopping the bad stuff from happening, nor did it make me any more prepared for it.  I found that if I had solvable worries, I generally took action.  But as a chronic worrier, most of my worries were unsolvable.  I started asking myself…

Is this a real problem or an imaginary “what if”?  If it’s a “what-if”, how likely is it to happen?  Is there anything I can do about my worry or is it completely out of my control?  It started to put my worries into perspective.  I also set aside a “worry time”.  I allowed myself to worry all I wanted while I was in the shower in the mornings (I do my best thinking/worrying in the shower!)  I made a mental list of all the things I was worried about.  On my way home from work, I reviewed the list and decided if it was still something I needed to be worried about.  I was always surprised how small the list was on my way home.  I tried to force myself not to worry any other time of the day, only during my scheduled “worry time”.  This way, I was only wasting about 15-20 minutes a day, not hours.

I’m not going to say I’m a recovered worrier, I’m not.  I still worry about my son driving on his own in a few weeks and about how much my own daughter worries.  I worry about the health and safety of the people I love and the kids I work with.  I worry about the future of our country and if I’ll be around to see my kids reach all the milestones in their life.  I worry about my mom as she gets older and other family members who are going through tough times.  I even still worry about the small stuff…my dog outside on cold days, having to put on a bathing suit in a couple of months, what people think of this blog.  But I’ve decided to put it all in my worry box and pull it out only when I need to.  Chances are, I’ll never need to…

We are all on the pursuit of happiness.  Most everyone I know (including me) is trying to find some form of happiness.   Well, I have great news!  You can stop looking, happiness never went anywhere.   It’s understandable why we are searching though.  Especially for people my age, you realize your life is half way over and it stops you in your tracks.  You start to think, Is this it?  Am I where I want to be?  Am I as happy as I’m supposed to be?  We realize all the “things” we were waiting on to make us happy (see my I Can't Wait blog post) have come and gone and we are still waiting.  We are constantly comparing the “inside” of our lives to the “outside” lives of others.  We think everyone is happier than we are.  Let me promise you, they’re not.  If they are, it’s because they have already figured out what I’m about to tell you.

I’ve been reading a lot about this quest for happiness.  The best article I’ve read is written by Jonathan Mead on a blog called Marc and Angel Hack Life.  The full blog post is here http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/03/12/one-thing-you-must-stop-doing-to-be-happy/ but he has summed up what I wanted to say in this one paragraph.

“We relentlessly pursue happiness in every imaginable way.  We pursue happiness in material possessions, in social status, and in the acceptance and recognition we get from others.  We even search for happiness in various versions of a future-promised afterlife.  But these pursuits rarely give us more than fleeting moments of joy.  We end up missing out on lots of thrilling life experiences and contentment because we fail to understand a very simple but easily overlooked fact…

The Search for Happiness Causes Misery

You can’t find something that’s already here with you.  Happiness exists in this moment.  It’s not something you need to find.  That’s like trying to find the oxygen you’re breathing right now. It’s especially difficult when society tends to place more value on things and status, than on experiences.  We are told to value what we do more than how we feel.  This is complete nonsense when you think about it.  The way you feel is far more important than what you own or how others perceive you.  Isn’t the purpose of everything you do to feel good?  Isn’t the purpose of that new gold watch, that important job title, or college degree to give you a feeling of accomplishment?  Aren’t these things supposed to make you happy?”

Did you know there are different types of happiness?  If you look up happiness in the dictionary, it defines happiness, but it also defines levels of happiness.  Bliss, for instance, is supreme delight.  Felicity is an intense kind of happiness.  My favorite kind of happiness though, is contentment.  Contentment is defined as a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish my not have been gratified.  I like that one.  It made me start thinking about what small moments make me happy.  Of course my relationships make me happy.  My time with friends and family makes me happy, but what are the small moments, aside from relationships, that make me feel content?  I made a short list.

1.       Coming home to a clean house (preferably cleaned by someone else!)
2.       Fresh flowers (especially wildflowers and daisies).
3.       Getting into a cool bed with fresh sheets on it.
4.       Finding money in my pocket.
5.       The first spring day when I can roll my windows down.
6.       The first summer day when I can take the top down on my jeep.
7.       The first winter night when I crank up the fireplace.
8.       My favorite jeans fitting (if they were a little big, that would be bliss!!)
9.       Finding the perfect shade of lip gloss.
10.     Getting a new purse or wallet and switching all my stuff into it.
11.     Hearing my favorite song on the radio.
12.     An unexpected call, text or note from someone I care about.
13.     My dog lying in my lap.
14.     Any time spent by the ocean.
15.     A snow day!
16.     A tan.
17.     Listening to rain fall on our metal roof.  Even better is watching the rain come from over the mountain.
18.     A walk outside on a beautiful day.
19.     A great book.
20.     Music that speaks to me exactly when I need it.

Mr. Mead writes, “Instead (of basing happiness on things, status, and people), we should base our happiness on the life we are living – on the beauty that is already ours, on desires that don’t shift from moment to moment.  We choose to find in our happiness now – in life itself.  In fact, we don’t even need to ‘find’ happiness.  We can be happiness.  Stop searching.  Stop chasing.  Happiness is already here.”

What would make your list?  What small moments make you feel content?  Have you stopped chasing happiness?  How did it work out for you?

Today my daughter turns 14.  She came into this world with these huge brown eyes just staring at everything around her with such curiosity!  I’ll never forget those eyes.  Now I seem to be the one doing the staring.  Staring at this smart, creative, compassionate, strong, athletic, beautiful young lady and wondering where the time has gone.  Staring into her future with a smile, knowing she has so much to look forward to and so much to experience.  Staring at myself in the mirror and wondering where that young, hip mom went that seemed to be able to do it all.  It’s all going by too fast.  I’m trying to be intentional about savoring each of these moments with my kids, but I find myself panicking that I can’t slow it down.

Birthdays are a wonderful childhood memory for me.  My mom would make a special dinner for us of whatever we chose.  The whole family was required to be there and dinner would be followed with a homemade birthday cake and brightly wrapped gifts.  This tradition continued through college.  I’ve tried to create the same tradition for my own kids, but with busy schedules, games, and practices, I haven’t been quite as successful.  Along with celebrating, birthdays have also become a time of reflection for me.  Being thankful we made it another year and everyone is healthy.  Regretting angry words that were said and praying for guidance to be more patient in this next year.  Evaluating my own parenting…am I doing the job these kids deserve?  Looking back over the years and bursting with love for each of them.  Feeling grateful that God blessed me with these two amazing human beings and humbled at the thought I was entrusted with their future.

I have no idea what’s in store for our family or what’s in store for each of my kids.  I know things can change on a dime.  But for today, in this moment, I couldn’t be more proud of each of them.  So, Happy Birthday Catie!  I wish my dad was here to see you today and experience the joy that only comes from knowing you and loving you, but I know he is watching over you.  If he was here, I believe he would toast you with an Irish Blessing.  So, from G-dad through me, here is our wish for you.

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

I celebrated a birthday last month.  My friends and family spoiled me as usual, but my favorite gift this year is the one I gave myself…yoga classes.  I have taken a class here and there and never really wanted to go back.  This time is different.  My instructor, Tone, is the best.  He is calm and encouraging and has a great sense of humor.  The people I take it with are pretty amazing too! I haven’t just penciled this onto my busy calendar, I’ve written it in sharpie!   And if you know me, you know exercise has NEVER been “sharpie-worthy”!

From the short time I’ve been going, I’ve listened to Tone’s instructions during our class and feel like I am also getting a lesson in life.  So here are 5 life lessons that yoga has already taught this beginner.

1.        “Remember to breath.”  This sounds simple, but you’d be surprised!  As we are doing different poses, Tone will remind us to breath and I realize I’m holding my breath.  I’ve noticed I do that a lot.  I hold my breath when I’m scared or angry or uncomfortable.  I tend to get worked up over stuff.  I’ve even been known to make mountains out of molehills.  It’s something I’ve been working on.  When this happens, I tell myself, “Remember to breath.”  Is this going to matter in a year?  A month?  Even a day?  Do you have any control over it?  Is this personal, or just a fact of life?  One deep breath gives you about 60 seconds to calm down.  This is sometimes all you need to think clearly.  So next time you start to feel that tension invade your body, remember to breath…or as our school nurse tells our students, “Smell the roses and blow out the candles!”

2.       “When you start to feel uncomfortable, where does your mind go and how do you react?”   Of course Tone is talking about yoga poses, but isn’t this relevant in our daily lives?  It’s time to take an inventory of our defense mechanisms.  What do you do when you are in an uncomfortable/stressful situation?  Do you become defensive?   Withdraw?  Go into denial?  Make a joke?  Do you give up?  I have done all of these things at one time or another.  I do know that wherever my mind and thoughts go, my actions tend to follow.  So start with your mind, because as Willie Nelson said, “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

3.       “You are as strong as the foundation holding you up.”  This could be interpreted in a number of ways, but it spoke to me like this.  I constantly doubt my strength or give others credit for making me strong.  Even though there may be others helping you or supporting you, true strength only comes from within and you are stronger than you believe all on your own!

4.       “It’s not about the accomplishment, it’s about being accepting of where you’re at.”  I love this one.  I’m not trying to say that accomplishments are not important.  We set goals on a daily basis.  We want to win games, receive awards, finish projects, get raises, and lose that last 10 pounds.  But sometimes (and I believe more times than not), it’s more about being ok with where you are in the moment.  It’s ok to plan for the new dress and new attitude once you lose those 10 pounds, but it’s more important to accept yourself at every pound in between.  I need to work on this one.  I am an all or nothing kind of girl.  If I can’t do it well, I’m just not going to do it.  Something else for my “to work on” list!

5.       “Relax.  Trust that the foundation under you will hold you and the world won’t end because you took a few minutes to yourself.”  Powerful.  As important as we think we are, the world really won’t end if we do something for ourselves once in a while.  As moms, I think we are especially guilty of this.  We let guilt play mind games with us and we think the household can’t function without us.  It can and it will.  So take a few minutes to yourself…you deserve it.  Because in the end, we all know, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Namaste.

I would be remiss in talking about limitless lessons without paying tribute to the great Dr. Seuss on his birthday.  One of my favorite aspects to my job is the wonderful children's books I get to read, and Dr. Seuss is still one of my all time favorites.  I started to compile a list of my top lessons from Dr. Seuss but I found a list already made that said it much better than I could.  So a thank you to sourcesofinsight.com for their 21 lessons and a big Happy Birthday to Dr. Seuss!

21 Lessons Learned from Dr. Seuss
There are so many great lessons from Dr. Seuss.  Each of his book is such a treasure trove of ideas and actions for a better life.  What I did here is boil down a set of 21 lessons that highlight his key themes across his works and quotes:

1. Be a thinker of great things.  Dr. Seuss teaches us, “Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!”
2. Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.  Sometimes you just don’t know what you’ve got until after it’s gone.  In Bartholomew and the Ooblek, King Didd got what he wished for, but the sticky Ooblek goo was worse than the fog, snow, sunshine, and rain that it replaced.  The King quickly wanted his old weather back and he learned to appreciate it.
3. Be your best you.   In the words of Dr. Seuss, “There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  Make the most of what you’ve got.   In Yertle the Turtle, we see “feather envy” and it’s a gentle reminder to be careful what you wish for and appreciate what you’ve got.
4. Bend your world in wonderful ways.  Nobody bends it like the Cat in the Hat.   From the metaphors you use, to the thinks that you think, you can shape your world that’s right in front of you.
5. Don’t put yourself in a box.  You’re only limited by your own imagination.   The Cat in the Hat teaches us how to let our imaginations run wild.
6. Don’t waste your time worrying who’s better than who.  In Yertle the Turtle, Dr. Seuss teaches us that “You have better things to do than argue who’s better than who.”
7. Dream it and do it.  You can move mountains when you put your mind to it.  Direct your life like a blockbuster and make things happen.
8. Edutainment wins over boring and ho-hum.  With whacky words, wondrous worlds, and fantastical characters, Dr. Seuss taught us the edutainment is how you change a child’s life.  Reading is only boring if you make it so.
9. Kindle your curiosity.  Keep your mind open and your eyes peeled.  Stay curious and follow your growth.
10. Life happens in moments at a time.  Don’t miss out on life by tuning out the little things along the way.
11. Own your fun.   There’s more to do than play in the rain.  When you’re bored, you’re boring.   The Cat in the Hat teaches us to be the maker of our own fun.  Make each day your own special blend of whatever it is that best floats your boat.
12. Play at your day.  You can play at your day, in every way.
13. Persistence pays off.  Be relentless in your pursuit of things.  In Green Eggs and Ham, it was through persistence that Sam-I-Am finally got the unnamed character to try the green eggs and ham.  In real life, Dr. Seuss’s first children’s book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected 27 times before being published by Vanguard Press.
14. Treat people fairly and squarely.  In The Sneetches and Other Stories, Dr. Seuss shows us that we can’t judge people by their lot in life or whether they have a star on their belly.  In Yertle the Turtle, it’s a reminder not to climb over people on your way to the top, because they’re same people you’ll see on your way back down.
15. Try it … you just might like it.  In Green Eggs and Ham, when the unnamed character was surprised to find out that he actually likes green eggs and ham once he tried them.  You just never know until you try.
16. Saying you’re sorry can help make things right.   In Bartholomew and the Oobleck, when the king finally said the magic words, “I’m sorry,” and “it’s all my fault,” he helped make things right again.
17. See the bright side of things.  It’s a great day for up, when you can see the sunny side of things.  Sure sometimes you’ll have to work at it, but positivity is a skill.  Do it daily.
18. Setbacks happen.  Deal with them and move on.   Make trouble think twice about messing with you.
19. Some people are much more unlucky than you.  When you’re down in the dumps and things get real bad, remind yourself that somewhere, somehow, someway … somebody is much “more unlucky than you.”
20. Success is a journey and we all have our own paths.  Make your journey count.  Don’t let fear stop you.  Don’t let conventional wisdom stop you.  Lead the life you want to live, and when there’s no path, make one.
21. Your voice counts.  In Horton Hears a Who, Dr. Seuss shows us how one little voice can tip the scale … after all, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

There are so many more I could add, especially from The Lorax to Oh, The Places You'll Go!  What would you add?  It's almost impossible for me to pick a favorite book because I love them all!  What's yours?  How about your favorite quote?  What has Dr. Seuss taught you about life?Dr. Seuss should be required reading for every adult.  Pick up a Dr. Seuss book and read it today.  I promise you will get more out of it as an adult than you ever did as a kid