I think transitioning to our new home has been hardest on our dog Bella.  She really struggles with our steps.  I’m not sure if they are too steep, or the hardwood flooring makes her feel like she’s going to slip, or if it’s our open concept stairwell that was popular in the late 70’s/early 80’s when the house was built.  Regardless, she gets distressed.  But interestingly enough, it’s only the first step.  She whines and cries, puts a foot down and then backs up while we are encouraging her from downstairs that she can do it!  Once she finally takes the first step though, she’s golden the rest of the way down.  I told her last night, after having to walk down the stairs with her, that taking that first step is really tough for a lot of us.

I get overwhelmed easily.  My life revolves around breaking up even the easiest tasks into smaller steps, otherwise I’ll never get it done.  Everything has a “first step” to see how I feel and if I can handle the rest.  Exercising means put on your work out clothes and see how you feel.  Laundry means just pick up 10 items and fold and put them away and decide if you’re in the mood.  Cleaning my house means clean one room and see if I feel like doing the rest.  Grocery shopping means just go get what you need for tonight and while you’re there, maybe you’ll feel like getting it all.  Eating healthy means just eating a decent breakfast and then I’ll see if I’m still on board by lunchtime.  These are trivial examples but you get my drift.  What I find is that if I can make myself take the first step, the rest doesn’t seem so hard.  I get outside to walk, the laundry gets done and my house gets cleaned, we actually have groceries for more that one meal, and my healthy eating lasts more than one day.

Although that first step may be the hardest, it’s also the most important in doing anything in life.  So how do we get the courage to take that first step?  Especially when it comes to big things; our careers, our relationships, and our dreams.  I believe first and foremost it takes faith.  It’s about your faith being greater than your fear.  As some of you read in my last post, I’m obsessed with Jen Sincero right now.  She says in her book, You Are a Badass, that “Faith smothers your fear of the unknown. Faith allows you to take risks. Faith is the stuff of “leap and the net will appear.”  Faith is your best buddy when you’re scared shitless.”  It also takes realizing that even the smallest step in the right direction is still a step in the right direction!  Focus on one step at a time and if you continue to do that, forward movement will create more forward movement.

Taking that first step is scary.  It’s stressful, it can feel awkward or overwhelming, it can even physically hurt.  But when we step out of our comfort zone and take it, most of the time we are golden too.  I think we are all a lot like Bella. We just need someone to encourage us along the way, tell us it’s going to be okay, and be there at the end of the staircase to celebrate with us or catch us if we slip and fall. I have faith Bella will eventually master our stairs and I have faith in each of you as well!  You can do it, one small step at a time!  xo ​

#1: You are a Badass by Jen Sincero~ I'm putting this at number 1 because I’m on round 2 of being obsessed with this. I first read it a few years ago and it moved me out of my comfort zone to, among other things, apply for a new job (which I got!) and help get me out of a mental haze I was in. I’m currently obsessed again. The pages are highlighted, tagged, and marked up. It’s covered in food stains and dog hair but it is my bible right now and it’s making a difference again as I navigate new hurdles in my life. Just a glimpse into the badassness of Jen Sincero from like the first 50 pages or so…
​
“It never ceases to amaze me the precious time we spend chasing squirrels around our brains, playing out our dramas, worrying about unwanted facial hair, seeking adoration, justifying our actions, complaining about slow internet connections, dissecting the lives of idiots, when we are sitting in the middle of a full-blown miracle that is happening right here, right now. We’re on a planet that somehow knows how to rotate on its axis and follow a defined path while it hurtles through space! Our hearts beat! We can see! We have love, laughter, language, living rooms, computers, compassion, cars, fire, fingernails, flowers, music, medicine, mountains, muffins! We live in a limitless Universe overflowing with miracles! The fact we aren’t stumbling around in an inconsolable state of sobbing awe is appalling. The Universe muse be like, what more do I have to do to wake these bitches up? Make water, their most precious resource, rain down from the sky?”


“Self perception is a zoo. We spend our lives drifting between glimpses of our own, infinite glory and the fear that not only are we totally incapable/unworthy/lazy/horrible, but that it’s only a matter of time before someone blows the whistle on us. We torture ourselves incessantly, and for what purpose? If we can glimpse the glory (and I know you can), why do we waste our precious time giving any energy to the other opinions? Wouldn’t life be so much more fun, productive, and sexy if we fully embraced our magnificently delightful selves?”

“Imagine what the world would be like if everyone loved themselves so much that they weren’t threatened by other people’s opinions, skin color or sexual preferences or talents or education or possessions or lack of possessions or religious beliefs or customs or their general tendency to just be whoever the hell they are.”

“Comparison is the fastest way to take all the fun out of life. It’s none of your business what other people are doing. All that matters is that you’re enjoying yourself and pleased with what you’re creating. It’s precisely your uniqueness that makes you awesome--deciding that someone else’s uniqueness is better than your own isn’t exactly being your best buddy about things...You are more than enough. Avoid comparison like the plague.”

“You aren't a better person for feeling guilty or bad about yourself, just a sadder one. Get clear on this one truth: guilt, shame and self-criticism are some of the most destructive forces in your life, which is why forgiving yourself is one of the most powerful.”

Go. Get. This. Book.

It was our last full day in Haiti.  It had been an amazing experience so far, but I found myself selfishly missing the comforts of home.  I wanted to sleep in my own bed, I wanted to take a hot shower, I wanted to go to the faucet and actually USE the water, rather than be terrified about getting sick from it.  I missed my family, my dog, and my friends.  I missed TV, Wi-Fi, and Netflix.  I missed the convenience of restaurants, Target and the grocery store.  I realized how spoiled I am.  Although I may not have had all the first world comforts I was used to, up until this day, I had felt safe.  I was about to learn very quickly that you never get too comfortable when it comes to your well-being.

​We decided to spend our last day enjoying the beaches of Haiti.  We drove about an hour and a half to Kaliko Beach Club.  The resort was beautiful.  It seemed deserted, but we were ok with that.  We hit the beach and decided immediately it was never too early to enjoy a fruity cocktail!  Soon after we arrived, the Haitian “entrepreneurs” came quickly.  The water slowly filled with a couple of boats wanting to take us scuba diving and snorkeling.  The beach filled with people selling everything from homemade crosses to artwork to seashells.  We spent some time looking at the goods but then had to be stern with the fact we were not interested and just wanted to relax.  We had an enormous buffet of Haitian food at our fingertips for lunch and moved to the pool after lunch.  Catie was not herself.  She did not eat anything for lunch and as we laid in eighty degree sun at the pool, she asked me to cover her up with a towel because she was cold.  Her stomach was upset and I could tell she was beginning to get homesick.  I was a bit worried about her but was just glad if she was getting sick, it was our last day and we would be on our way home soon.

​We were not allowed to be out after dark so we headed home around 4:00 after a beautiful day on the beach.  The ride home was long and bumpy.  At some point along the way we came to a stop, assuming we were in a traffic jam.  As we continued to sit, we further speculated that there must be a roadblock ahead.  My mind was on Catie and getting home when I saw a funny look on some of the other faces in the tap tap.  We were slowly being surrounded by what appeared to be mostly young Haitian men.  Amy was sitting across from us and immediately told Catie to move from her seat and sit on the floor of the vehicle between the two seats.  As I was trying to process what was going on, a hand reached in our tap tap and grabbed my butt.  I jumped out of my seat!  (Later, Catie laughed and said she had never seen me move so fast in my life!)  About the same time I could hear men yelling at Diron who was totally exposed at the end of the tap tap.  They were yelling "F*%& you Blanco!"  They hit Jennifer in the back through the tap tap and elbowed Mike who was also completely exposed.  There were hundreds of angry Haitians walking down the street going the opposite direction we were traveling.  Some were jumping on the front of our vehicles (although others were telling them to get down) and chanting.  Catie started to cry telling me she was scared.  I was scared too.  We were in the middle of a political protest.

As an educator in the public school system, I am constantly living in a state of “what if”.  I will look out the window of my office and if I see a stranger in our small school parking lot, I immediately begin to create scenarios in my head and think about how I’m going to handle them.  I do the same as a parent.  As I walk with my kids in public places I always imagine what I’ll do if someone pulls a gun or begins shooting.  It’s terribly sad to live like that, but I do.  This was no exception.  The men were eyeing all of us, but eyeing Catie especially hard.  As I created the scenarios in my head of what might happen if they got a hold of her and what I would do, the fear and anger increased.

And just as quickly as it began, it was over.  We started moving, passing some police who I assume were the ones pushing the protesters back towards us.  Our interpreter asked why Catie was crying.  I said, “she’s scared!”  He laughed and said there was nothing to be scared about…the protesters were all talk.  I do believe he felt safe, but I still am not sure what "could" have happened to us.  I believe people do things with a “group mentality” they might never do alone.  And they were angry.  Although I don’t speak their language, the look and sound of anger is universal.  And not just angry, they were angry at us.  It was the first time I had felt what so many in this world feel on a daily basis…hate because of the color of my skin and where I am from.  Even though I was there to help them,  It didn’t matter.  I was a white American.

First some background on the political state of Haiti in order to show you the corruption that has been taking place in this country and the reason for protest... 

• In 1957 a medical doctor, François Duvalier, won a free and open election for the presidency. Although Duvalier was the legitimate winner of the election, once in office he had no scruples about the use of power and force to continue in office. Duvalier ruled Haiti from 1957 to 1971. He created a network of executioners throughout the Haitian countryside called the ton ton makouts. It is estimated that thirty thousand Haitians were killed for opposition to his rule during that period.  When François Duvalier died in 1971 the Duvalier political machine put his son, Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier in charge. The son did not have the taste for ruling that his father had. But Jean-Claude did have a taste for luxury that had to be fed by corruption and theft. The regimes of the Duvaliers have been characterized askleptocracies, rule by thieves. Jean-Claude's rule lasted from 1971 to 1986. 
• In 1986, Baby Doc fled Haiti in the wake of mounting popular discontent and was replaced by Lieutenant-General Henri Namphy as head of a governing council.  
• Since then it has been a series of Presidents/Acting Presidents/Provisional Presidents with most presiding with allegations of fraud, corruption and abuse of power.  Many were forced out of office.

Around this time, Mother Nature takes her turn on the Haitian people.  

• In 2004 severe floods in the south leave more than 2,000 dead or disappeared and nearly 3,000 are killed in flooding in the north in the wake of tropical storm Jeanne.
• In 2008, nearly 800 people are killed and hundred are left injured as Haiti is hit by a series of devastating storms and hurricanes.  
• A couple months later, a school in Port-au-Prince collapes with around 500 students and teachers inside (although authorities blame poor construction for this).  
• January 2010 up to 300,000 people are killed in a massive earthquake.  It is said that UN workers infected Haiti with cholera which claimed 3,500 more lives and triggers violent protests. 
• By July 2011, the death toll from cholera outbreak climbs to nearly 6,000.  

(From http://www.sjsu.edu/faculty/watkins/haiti.htm and http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/1202857.stm)

Now to their current political environment.  Elections took place in November 2010 and the announcement of inconclusive provisional results triggered violent protests.  In March 2011, Michel Martelly won the second round of presidential election and took up office as President.  In October 2012, hundreds protested against the high cost of living and called for the resignation of President Martelly.  They accused the president of corruption and failure to deliver on his promises to alleviate poverty.  Mr. Martelly, a former pop music star, was criticized for failing to hold elections during his five years in office and for surrounding himself with cronies, some of them criminals. He never shed his garish style and was considered an autocrat who let Parliament expire during his tenure.  Haiti’s latest political crisis resulted from a presidential election held this past October with 54 candidates and that critics said was riddled with fraud. Political operatives were able to vote multiple times, and the president’s handpicked successor came in first despite being a virtual unknown, leaving the 53 candidates who did not make the runoff vote to question the results.  The runoff was delayed twice as protesters demanded clarity.  Mr. Martelly insisted that there had been no fraud and that the runoff should take place, urging voters to choose his candidate, Jovenel Moïse, a banana exporter. But a former government official who officially came in second, Jude Célestin, refused to participate in the runoff until a new electoral council was chosen and a thorough review of the first round was conducted.  Another runoff in December was postponed due to security concerns. (from http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/08/world/americas/michel-martelly-haitis-president-departs-without-a-successor.html

Our ride home from the beach took place on Friday, January 22.  Elections were supposed to take place again on Sunday, January 24, thus the protests.  This election was postponed as well.  Leaving Haiti deeply divided, Martelly resigned the presidency on February 10, 2016, leaving Haiti without a president for a week. On February 17, 2016, he was succeeded by Jocelerme Privert who will serve as interim president. Elections are now set for April 24 and the winner will take office in May.  Understanding the history of corruption that has ruled Haiti, one can understand the frustration with leaders who have historically done nothing to help the people of this impoverished country.  As scared as I was in the moment in Haiti, I would have been just as scared to find myself in some of the anger and protests currently overwhelming my own country these days.  

Saturday morning we awoke at the break of dawn to head for the airport.  Catie had flu like symptoms, but the great thing about traveling with doctors, nurses and a pharmacist, is someone always has something to make you feel better!  She was a trooper and made it to the plane.  We had a 3 hour delay in Atlanta and the year's biggest snow storm had hit the east coast.  Travel from Charlotte to Blacksburg was trepid, but we made it half way and had my husband and brother in law come pick us up at the bottom of Fancy Gap Mountain and get us home.  We have never been so excited to be in the United States with all of our first world problems!!  We are very blessed and fortunate to live where we do.

This was a really amazing experience and one I will never forget, especially being able to experience it with my daughter.  I saw sides of her I didn't know existed and a maturity beyond her years.  Thank you to everyone who supported my journey and has shared this experience with me by reading my blog.  Although it is something I will always remember, I felt a strong need to chronicle our adventure so I will never take for granted the blessings of my family, my country and my life in general.  If you ever get the chance to do mission work in any capacity, I highly recommend it.  We will definitely be going back!

I've spent some time thinking about how best to describe the children of Haiti.  Do I focus on their huge smiles and infectious laughter?  Or maybe their playful nature and their love of "selfies". Perhaps I should emphasize their strong faith or respect for education.  They are sassy and happy. Inquisitive and loving.  Resilient and fragile.  I've concluded the best way to capture the essence of the children I met, is simply through pictures.

​My first glimpse of the children of Haiti was at church on Sunday.  I mentioned how quiet and well-mannered they were during church.  I watched them watching us during the service, especially the way they stared at Catie, someone a little closer to their age, but so extremely different.  After church was our first opportunity to interact with them and they could not get enough of us and our pictures!  They would surround you, posing for pictures and begging to see themselves on the cell phones, giggling uncontrollably.  Here are some pictures we took after church on Sunday.

We got ready each morning to the beautiful sound of children singing.  The students congregated in the courtyard, lined up by class, and sang songs of faith for at least thirty minutes.  (I tried for way too long to attach the video of them singing, but I could never get it to work but you can see it on my Facebook page).  It was beautiful and always brought a tear to my eye.  We would see the children when they arrived at school, we were able to visit them in their classrooms, and spent some time with them at our clinic when school was dismissed at that location.  Again, I think the pictures speak much more eloquently than my words.

But the most life changing experience involving the children of Haiti, was the honor and privilege of meeting the children we sponsored.  

There is no public education in Haiti. Wikipedia reports that international private schools (run by Canada, France, or the United States) and church-run schools educate 90% of students. Haiti has 15,200 primary schools, of which 90% are non-public and managed by communities, religious organizations or NGOs. The enrollment rate for primary school is 88%. Secondary schools only enroll 20% of eligible-age children.  We were told if you have a 6th grade education there, it's like the equivalent of a doctor in the United States.  These 6th grade students read and sign all pertinent paperwork in the household concerning all matters.  We spent lots of time in the primary school but we were also fortunate enough to visit the newly built high school.  They were only able to accommodate 7th grade, but planned to have 7th and 8th grade next year and continue adding a grade each year.  The students were so respectful and thankful to be in school.  It was amazing.

Being privately owned, these schools usually require tuition fees.  Along with the cost of transport, books, and the mandatory uniform, it is very hard for Haitians to send their children to school. Here's where sponsorship comes in.  The following comes directly from the Haiti Outreach Ministry website.

The HOM/MICECC schools give students an opportunity to succeed that they may not otherwise have in Haiti. We currently have over 1,200 students enrolled in the primary schools in three locations; Cité Soleil, Terre Noire, (Blanchard) and Menelas (Repatriote). Our students enroll in pre-school classes at age three and continue until grade six.  Because of the quality education available at each of the schools, parents are eager to have their children attend. Each school is able to enroll 60 children per registration period, but they receive many more applications. The education the students receive gives them the opportunity to develop and enhance the talents the Lord has given them.  Not only are the children learning educational subjects such as math and history, but they also receive Biblical lessons. We are primarily a Christian ministry; the educational programs are extensions of that. The children are taught Bible stories and verses, as well as lessons important to leading a Christian life. The students are able to spread the Gospel to their families and be a light for Christ to those around them.
The sponsorship program makes the educational goals of HOM possible. Through their sponsorship donations, all students receive academic instruction in a Christian environment,  a hot lunch, vitamins, books, classroom materials, health care exams, and Christmas and birthday celebrations.  After leaving primary schools, students may continue their studies through secondary school, college and trade or vocational schools.

​The cost for sponsoring a primary school student is $30/month.

 All of us who spent time in Haiti have sponsored children.  I hope my own sponsorship of Lory and Obed (currently in Preschool) can continue through high school!  Here are some pictures of us with our sponsored children.

If you would like more information on sponsoring a child in Haiti, please visit http://www.haitiom.org/hom-schools/ or feel free to contact me privately or on this page.

Up Next:  Haiti...Political Unrest
My final installment of seeing Haiti through my eyes!

To get the full experience, it was decided Catie and I would work Monday and Tuesday in the clinic and Wednesday and Thursday in the schools.  After spending time in the clinic and realizing how much we were needed, our plans changed and we spent all week (except a couple of hours on Thursday) in the clinic.  For me personally, this was the most life changing part of our trip.

​Our clinic was located about 3 miles away from Blanchard (where we stayed) in Cite Solei, an extremely impoverished and densely populated commune located in the Port-au-Prince metropolitan area in Haiti.  The area is generally regarded as one of the poorest and most dangerous areas of the Western Hemisphere and it is one of the biggest slums in the Northern Hemisphere. The area has virtually no sewers and has a poorly maintained open canal system that serves as its sewage system.  It has few formal businesses but many local commercial activities and enterprises.  There is sporadic but largely free electricity, a few hospitals, and two government schools.  HOM operates this clinic along with a church and school on the same site.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, we were not allowed to tour Cite Solei this year as we have in the past because of violence in the city while we were there.  Therefore I’m sharing some of my friend Frank Clark’s pictures from their tour of the city in 2015 in a slideshow below.  (Thanks Frank!)  Since I was not able to see the city for myself (beyond the clinic), here is a description from Brian Fitzpatrick and Michael Norby from as recently as 2014. (http://newint.org/features/2014/07/01/haiti-fighting-for-change/)

“At the sea’s edge, toddlers play naked among wild pigs, and people rummage across mountains of rancid trash and human feces. Most housing consists of ramshackle huts, like ovens under the Haitian sun. When it rains, an ankle-deep soup of sewage fills the interiors. Years after the earthquake, the famous mud cakes of Cité Soleil are still being sold at the side of the street: discs of baked dirt, water and salt eaten by starving families to stave off hunger.”

We arrived at the clinic around 8:00 most mornings.  Hundreds of men, women and children were already lined up waiting for us. Half of the clinic is set up for mission groups such as ours and is staffed only about 6 months a year, depending on the number of medical missions scheduled through HOM.  The other half houses Haitian doctors.  It is determined ahead of time who should see us and who should see the Haitian doctor, but I witnessed many examples of teamwork between both sides as thoughtful decisions were made on behalf of the patients.  Our side of the clinic was set up with a triage room (Amy, Jennifer, Marcia, and Catie), four exam rooms manned by our doctors (Evelyn, Karen, Christy, and Frank), a surgical room (Dr. Mike and his son Austin), Pharmacy (Kerry, Diron and me), and a Lab.  Interpreters were with each person and what an important job!  Our work could not be done effectively without efficient translators.  Sidenote:  On Monday, I actually worked surgery with Dr. Mike, but spent the rest of the week in Pharmacy, thus the stories of me in surgery! 

Every patient who came in was given worm medicine and weighed.  We took their blood pressure, temperature and a detailed description of their symptoms.  If needed, pregnancy tests and urinalyses were given.  They then waited to see a doctor.  After the appointment with the doctor, they brought their prescriptions to the pharmacy window and waited for it to be filled.  The entire process could take hours.  The vast majority of what we saw was high blood pressure (and I mean HIGH...in very young people!), pediatric malnutrition, skin rashes, respiratory infections, asthma, GERD, abscesses and worms.  But we also saw some very sick people, especially babies.

As mentioned earlier, I worked one day in Surgery with Dr. Mike and the other days with Diron and Kerry in Pharmacy.  When you are in Pharmacy, you are doing extremely important work, but a little bit isolated from what's going on in the clinic.  Therefore, I've asked Amy to share some of her stories, as she was right in the heart of it.

This is a 7 month old little girl. Her mom brought her to the clinic for fever, cough, and loss of appetite.  She was so light that I had to repeatedly ask her Mom her age.  She weighed only 12 pounds!  I noticed also she did not interact as most 7 months would, she did not attempt to stand,  and she never smiled.  She had a fever, her lungs sounded full of gunk, and she was dehydrated.  This little girl was sick! Dr. Christy Fagg saw the baby and ask that she get a breathing treatment, antibiotics and an IV.  This 30 year OR nurse hasn’t started IVs in years so I ask Marcia Chew (great ICU nurse) to start the IV.  Thankfully Marcia agreed!! It’s seeing children like this in Haiti that just rips at my heart.  It also makes me pause to appreciate my own children’s health, my grandson’s health and the ready access to healthcare!  
-Amy Woods

I wish I could articulate what it was like to see the sickness that came in that could easily be prevented with any kind of access to health care.  Wikipedia reports that "In terms of health care spending, Haiti ranks last in the western hemisphere. Economic instability has limited any growth in this area. Per capita, Haiti spends about US$83 annually on health care. There are 25 physicians and 11 nurses per 100,000 population. Only one-fourth of births are attended by a skilled health professional. Most rural areas have no access to health care, making residents susceptible to otherwise treatable diseases."  We had twin girls come in that were so sick they needed to be taken immediately to the local hospital.  One doctor described the hospital as "something from the civil war era".  Because the parents couldn't pay, no service would be given to them and the only way they received any medicine was because we brought it to the hospital for them to administer.  In fact, the hospital would not even release the children back to their parents until they could pay.  It was very stressful and maddening for our group.

As sick of some of them were, they were the strongest people I've ever met.  I did several surgeries with Dr. Mike where patients were only give a local anesthetic.  They rarely whimpered or said a word and were so appreciative when it was all over.  It was fascinating to watch not only the surgeries themselves, but the the way Dr. Mike made each patient feel like the most special human being he had ever met.  Each of our doctors (and pharmacist) did this and it honestly brought tears to my eyes each time I witnessed it.  I wish I had the medical background and memory to relay the amazing stories I heard throughout each day from our oh-so-talented medical staff.  Their experiences are so unique and fascinating, they really should write a book!