Imagine this...

Your husband has a disease.  It not only affects his life, but the lives of everyone in your family.  Your friends and family provide you with an abundance of support.  They fix dinner for you, they offer to take him to doctor appointments to give you a break, they have a fundraiser to help pay for medical expenses your insurance won’t cover, and they call to ask how he is…how you are.  You feel loved.  You don’t feel so alone.

Or imagine this...

Your daughter has been victim to a terrible trauma.  The side effects from this trauma have been life altering for her, as well as everyone in your family.  Your friends and family show up with food.  They take you out to talk and hear how things are going. 
They offer support to your daughter as well, understanding it takes a village.  They spread the word your family needs support and your community rises to the call. 
You feel relief.  You don’t feel so alone.

Most of us can imagine this because we have been on the giving or receiving end of a loved one suffering from cancer, or a heart attack, or a car accident.

Let’s take it a step further though.  Your local high school has “green night” at the basketball game. They are selling green t-shirts to support people struggling like your husband and daughter.  
 
They are having…MENTAL ILLNESS AWARENESS NIGHT.  

At half time they recognize your husband for living with bi-polar disorder and depression.  They recognize your daughter for overcoming her substance abuse and
finding the right medicine and treatment for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) after returning from Iraq.  They recognize the care givers of those who are mentally ill and promise more research and better treatment with the money they raise.  Again, you feel your community’s support.  You don’t feel so alone.

Can you imagine the last scenario?  Probably not. We only talk about mental illness when it’s to place blame.  When are we going to start recognizing mental illness as the crippling disease it is? When are we going to start supporting our brothers and sisters suffering from depression the same way we support those suffering from cancer? 
When is raising money for the research and treatment of schizophrenia going to be as important as the research and treatment for heart disease?  When will feel comfortable discussing our substance abuse the way we discuss our diabetes?  Don’t tell me it’s because people die from physical illness but not from mental illness.   Read the paper.  Watch the news.  We are a country suffering from an epidemic of mental illness that is
going to ruin this country.   People are dying every day from the affects of mental illness and the funding just keeps decreasing as the need is increasing at lightning
speed.

How many more are going to be killed?  

Miriam Carey, who drove through a White House barrier and engaged Capital police in a
high speed chase with her one-year old in the car, was suffering from postpartum
depression and psychosis.  She is just one of a string of mentally ill people who have been killed or killed others in the recent past.  These include Aaron Alexis who reportedly believed he was being controlled by electromagnetic waves when he killed 12 people at Washington Navy Yard in Washington, D.C., Adam Lanza who killed 26
people at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut and James
Holmes who killed 12 people at the premier of a Batman movie in Aurora, Colorado. In my own hometown, Seung-Hui Cho, who killed 32 people and injured 17 more in the Virginia Tech massacre, was suffering from a severe anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. And just this week in my home state, Virginia Senator Creigh Deeds was stabbed multiple times by his alleged mentally ill son who has been turned away from a psychiatric hospital the day before due to lack of beds.

There is a stigma that comes along with mental illness that prevents people from
getting help and like any other kind of illness, untreated mental illness only gets worse, not better.  According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), an estimated one in four adults suffers from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. I think about all those Americans suffering while both society and the health care industry do very little to alleviate their suffering.  Health care companies provide incentives to lose weight or stop smoking, but most offer nothing when it comes to mental illness.

Victoria Brownworth summed it up best on a blog post written for The Huffington Post dated October 7, 2013. The article called Crazy Every Day: America's Mental Illness Epidemic which describes living with her mentally ill mother concludes this way…

“Nearly 60 million Americans suffer right now from some form of mental illness, be it psychosis like Carey or schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder, an eating disorder. Many of those people are compliantly taking medications and others are wandering lost in America, unmedicated, hearing voices, thinking paranoid delusional
thoughts and literally going out of their minds.

How many families have to be devastated by the impact of this disease before we make mental illness a priority in this country? One in four is sick. If it were influenza, it would be an epidemic. Let's start acting like mental illness is illness first, mental
second. It's a public health crisis in America. And until we address it, there will be more Miriam Careys, more Aaron Alexises, more mothers like mine and so much untreated suffering, we might all go crazy from the pain.”

I don't want to go crazy from the pain.  How about you?

Last night I was watching the CBS evening news and they did a segment called Six Word War.  First, let me tell you a bit about this memoir from their website www.sixwordwar.com. 

“Welcome to Six Word War. Instead of a book about Iraq or Afghanistan that tells one soldier’s perspective, Six Word War is the first ‘crowdsourced’ war memoir that will tell a story different than any other ever told about war. For the first time in history, one book will contain the collective experience of our military at war in their own words.

Sometimes veterans have funny stories to tell and sometimes they’re tragic. Not every story on its own could justify an entire book, but that’s what we think is incredible about this project. The thousands of stories that we’re gathering tell the real story of Iraq and Afghanistan - a story that couldn’t possibly be told by one person.

This project is being run by Shaun Wheelwright and Mike Nemeth, both US Army veterans. Mike and Shaun met as West Point classmates at the United States Military Academy. Shaun went on to deploy to Iraq from 2007-2009 with the 1-27 Infantry, 25th ID. Mike was injured prior to a deployment and left the Army as a 2nd Lieutenant. “

I was so deeply moved by this segment that I immediately went to their website. I was astonished at how much emotion, insight, loss, and even humor could be described in six short words.  Here are a few of my favorites…

Family Sacrifice Personal Sacrifice Rinse Repeat

I came home, but never left.

Divorce, despair, only God could repair.

Hearts and minds, I lost both.

It’s okay to not be okay

Responsibilities causing maturing beyond my years

Taliban Bullet, Army Hospital, Found Love

Nicotine. Caffeine. Dead friends. No sleep.

I am tired of the goodbyes.

Baby coming. Please come home alive!

The other battle starts at home.

Powerful stuff, huh.  They were inspired by a website called http://sixwordmemoirs.com.  A Six-Word Memoir® is the story of your life—some part of it or all of it—told in exactly six words.

This inspired me to think about how I would sum up my own life in six words.  It was a struggle, but today this is the six words that would represent me.

Flawed and fearful.  Blessed beyond belief.

I have so many flaws.  What’s even worse is I actually know how flawed I really am.  But holding hands with all my flaws is good intention and lessons learned.  Each day I try to do better.  Each day I try to take a baby step to a better me.  I don’t always succeed, but I can never be accused of not trying.

I am not a risk taker…never have been.  I used to feel bad about it but I’ve come to accept that is just part of who I am and there is nothing wrong with that.  When it becomes an issue though, is when fears stops me from stepping outside my comfort zone and reaching my goals.  Fear of failure, fear of change, fear of someone being mad at me, fear of losing someone, fear of being hurt.  Although I have no regrets in my life, I am ashamed of the missed opportunities and experiences never lived because fear has gotten in my way.

I really am blessed.  I am blessed beyond belief.  I am blessed with my health and the health of all my loved ones.  I am blessed with a job that reconfirms how blessed I am on a daily basis.  I’m blessed with the ability to love and to be loved.  I’m blessed with two children who are perfect for me, who I stare at constantly because I can’t believe they are really mine.  I am blessed with a diverse array of friends from all chapters of my life who have guided me, supported me, and loved me, even at my worst.

So, go check out the sixwordwar website.  Or check out the segment from CBS Evening News I’ve linked on my page.  Or even better yet, go buy the book.  My six words might change next week or next year.  They would have looked very different five years ago and even more different ten years ago.  But for today, this is my six word life. 

What’s yours?  How would you describe your life in six words?

My husband and I were recently on a trip.  We were on our flight home and as they came by with food and drinks, I ordered a fruit and cheese tray and my husband ordered chex mix.  As I ate, I watched him eat the chex mix but meticulously take out every pretzel.  I found this strange since he really likes pretzels but refrained from saying anything.  I decided maybe he was bored or there was something wrong with them.  Finally when I couldn’t stand it any longer I asked him why he was not eating the pretzels.  He replied, “Because I’m saving them for you.  You love pretzels.”  Seriously?!  I studied his face to see if there was a punch line or if he was being sarcastic but he obviously wasn’t.  He just sincerely thought I would like the pretzels.  That small, but sweet, gesture showed me he cared about me more than any expensive gift or elaborate trip.  It got me thinking about the impact small gestures like these have on our life.

It would take some effort and thought to remember all the gifts I have received over the years, but I had no problem recalling other small, caring gestures that have stayed with me and I was readily able to pull them from memory.

In middle school, there was a big “party” where all the boys and girls I was friends with were invited…everyone but me that is.  I was devastated.  My best friend decided not to go to the party and her mom took us to dinner and a movie instead.  I can vividly remember a picture her mom took of us sitting on a piano bench before we went out.  I even remember what I was wearing.  But more importantly, I remember how amazed I was that she would do that for me.  This was THE party and she was choosing not to go because she knew my feelings were hurt and she didn’t want me to feel left out.  I’m not sure I ever thanked her appropriately for that profound moment in my life, so thank you Pam!

And there are others.  A sweet note from my sister after I had lost a bunch of weight telling me how proud she was of me.  I still have that note because it was unusual for her to share her thoughts and feelings with me like that.  The flowers I received from my other sister on my first day of school one year just saying good luck.  My good friend who brought me a warm, fresh baked cookie by my office for no other reason but she thought I’d enjoy it.  The co-worker who remembered me mentioning my favorite holiday cookie and when she made a batch, she made a few extra for me.  A lengthy handwritten note from another friend thanking me for my support during a difficult time in her life.  My college friends all making the trip for my dad’s funeral and my best friend who was with me every step of the way during that horrible time.  The pimento cheese my husband once spent 20 minutes looking for in the grocery store because he remembered me saying how much I loved it.  Coming home to a clean kitchen because my kids knew I had a stressful day.  The list could go on and on. 

As we step into November, the month where we count our blessings and speak of our gratitude, I am going to focus on these small gestures.  I am going to be more intentional in my thoughtfulness towards others as well as more intentional in the acknowledgment of the thoughtfulness of others.    Is there a small gesture you received from someone that meant more to you than you ever expressed?  If so, I’d love to hear about it!  If you don’t want to share it here, it’s never too late to say thank you to that person!  And let’s never lose sight of the impact the small acts of kindness mean to those on the receiving end…it can be life-changing.