I celebrated a birthday last month.  My friends and family spoiled me as usual, but my favorite gift this year is the one I gave myself…yoga classes.  I have taken a class here and there and never really wanted to go back.  This time is different.  My instructor, Tone, is the best.  He is calm and encouraging and has a great sense of humor.  The people I take it with are pretty amazing too! I haven’t just penciled this onto my busy calendar, I’ve written it in sharpie!   And if you know me, you know exercise has NEVER been “sharpie-worthy”!

From the short time I’ve been going, I’ve listened to Tone’s instructions during our class and feel like I am also getting a lesson in life.  So here are 5 life lessons that yoga has already taught this beginner.

1.        “Remember to breath.”  This sounds simple, but you’d be surprised!  As we are doing different poses, Tone will remind us to breath and I realize I’m holding my breath.  I’ve noticed I do that a lot.  I hold my breath when I’m scared or angry or uncomfortable.  I tend to get worked up over stuff.  I’ve even been known to make mountains out of molehills.  It’s something I’ve been working on.  When this happens, I tell myself, “Remember to breath.”  Is this going to matter in a year?  A month?  Even a day?  Do you have any control over it?  Is this personal, or just a fact of life?  One deep breath gives you about 60 seconds to calm down.  This is sometimes all you need to think clearly.  So next time you start to feel that tension invade your body, remember to breath…or as our school nurse tells our students, “Smell the roses and blow out the candles!”

2.       “When you start to feel uncomfortable, where does your mind go and how do you react?”   Of course Tone is talking about yoga poses, but isn’t this relevant in our daily lives?  It’s time to take an inventory of our defense mechanisms.  What do you do when you are in an uncomfortable/stressful situation?  Do you become defensive?   Withdraw?  Go into denial?  Make a joke?  Do you give up?  I have done all of these things at one time or another.  I do know that wherever my mind and thoughts go, my actions tend to follow.  So start with your mind, because as Willie Nelson said, “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

3.       “You are as strong as the foundation holding you up.”  This could be interpreted in a number of ways, but it spoke to me like this.  I constantly doubt my strength or give others credit for making me strong.  Even though there may be others helping you or supporting you, true strength only comes from within and you are stronger than you believe all on your own!

4.       “It’s not about the accomplishment, it’s about being accepting of where you’re at.”  I love this one.  I’m not trying to say that accomplishments are not important.  We set goals on a daily basis.  We want to win games, receive awards, finish projects, get raises, and lose that last 10 pounds.  But sometimes (and I believe more times than not), it’s more about being ok with where you are in the moment.  It’s ok to plan for the new dress and new attitude once you lose those 10 pounds, but it’s more important to accept yourself at every pound in between.  I need to work on this one.  I am an all or nothing kind of girl.  If I can’t do it well, I’m just not going to do it.  Something else for my “to work on” list!

5.       “Relax.  Trust that the foundation under you will hold you and the world won’t end because you took a few minutes to yourself.”  Powerful.  As important as we think we are, the world really won’t end if we do something for ourselves once in a while.  As moms, I think we are especially guilty of this.  We let guilt play mind games with us and we think the household can’t function without us.  It can and it will.  So take a few minutes to yourself…you deserve it.  Because in the end, we all know, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Namaste.

I would be remiss in talking about limitless lessons without paying tribute to the great Dr. Seuss on his birthday.  One of my favorite aspects to my job is the wonderful children's books I get to read, and Dr. Seuss is still one of my all time favorites.  I started to compile a list of my top lessons from Dr. Seuss but I found a list already made that said it much better than I could.  So a thank you to sourcesofinsight.com for their 21 lessons and a big Happy Birthday to Dr. Seuss!

21 Lessons Learned from Dr. Seuss
There are so many great lessons from Dr. Seuss.  Each of his book is such a treasure trove of ideas and actions for a better life.  What I did here is boil down a set of 21 lessons that highlight his key themes across his works and quotes:

1. Be a thinker of great things.  Dr. Seuss teaches us, “Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!”
2. Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.  Sometimes you just don’t know what you’ve got until after it’s gone.  In Bartholomew and the Ooblek, King Didd got what he wished for, but the sticky Ooblek goo was worse than the fog, snow, sunshine, and rain that it replaced.  The King quickly wanted his old weather back and he learned to appreciate it.
3. Be your best you.   In the words of Dr. Seuss, “There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  Make the most of what you’ve got.   In Yertle the Turtle, we see “feather envy” and it’s a gentle reminder to be careful what you wish for and appreciate what you’ve got.
4. Bend your world in wonderful ways.  Nobody bends it like the Cat in the Hat.   From the metaphors you use, to the thinks that you think, you can shape your world that’s right in front of you.
5. Don’t put yourself in a box.  You’re only limited by your own imagination.   The Cat in the Hat teaches us how to let our imaginations run wild.
6. Don’t waste your time worrying who’s better than who.  In Yertle the Turtle, Dr. Seuss teaches us that “You have better things to do than argue who’s better than who.”
7. Dream it and do it.  You can move mountains when you put your mind to it.  Direct your life like a blockbuster and make things happen.
8. Edutainment wins over boring and ho-hum.  With whacky words, wondrous worlds, and fantastical characters, Dr. Seuss taught us the edutainment is how you change a child’s life.  Reading is only boring if you make it so.
9. Kindle your curiosity.  Keep your mind open and your eyes peeled.  Stay curious and follow your growth.
10. Life happens in moments at a time.  Don’t miss out on life by tuning out the little things along the way.
11. Own your fun.   There’s more to do than play in the rain.  When you’re bored, you’re boring.   The Cat in the Hat teaches us to be the maker of our own fun.  Make each day your own special blend of whatever it is that best floats your boat.
12. Play at your day.  You can play at your day, in every way.
13. Persistence pays off.  Be relentless in your pursuit of things.  In Green Eggs and Ham, it was through persistence that Sam-I-Am finally got the unnamed character to try the green eggs and ham.  In real life, Dr. Seuss’s first children’s book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected 27 times before being published by Vanguard Press.
14. Treat people fairly and squarely.  In The Sneetches and Other Stories, Dr. Seuss shows us that we can’t judge people by their lot in life or whether they have a star on their belly.  In Yertle the Turtle, it’s a reminder not to climb over people on your way to the top, because they’re same people you’ll see on your way back down.
15. Try it … you just might like it.  In Green Eggs and Ham, when the unnamed character was surprised to find out that he actually likes green eggs and ham once he tried them.  You just never know until you try.
16. Saying you’re sorry can help make things right.   In Bartholomew and the Oobleck, when the king finally said the magic words, “I’m sorry,” and “it’s all my fault,” he helped make things right again.
17. See the bright side of things.  It’s a great day for up, when you can see the sunny side of things.  Sure sometimes you’ll have to work at it, but positivity is a skill.  Do it daily.
18. Setbacks happen.  Deal with them and move on.   Make trouble think twice about messing with you.
19. Some people are much more unlucky than you.  When you’re down in the dumps and things get real bad, remind yourself that somewhere, somehow, someway … somebody is much “more unlucky than you.”
20. Success is a journey and we all have our own paths.  Make your journey count.  Don’t let fear stop you.  Don’t let conventional wisdom stop you.  Lead the life you want to live, and when there’s no path, make one.
21. Your voice counts.  In Horton Hears a Who, Dr. Seuss shows us how one little voice can tip the scale … after all, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

There are so many more I could add, especially from The Lorax to Oh, The Places You'll Go!  What would you add?  It's almost impossible for me to pick a favorite book because I love them all!  What's yours?  How about your favorite quote?  What has Dr. Seuss taught you about life?Dr. Seuss should be required reading for every adult.  Pick up a Dr. Seuss book and read it today.  I promise you will get more out of it as an adult than you ever did as a kid

The kids and I went to breakfast the other morning.  I invited them to play a game with me I had seen on Facebook.  Everyone puts their phone in the middle of the table and the first one to look at it has to pay the bill.  Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, my kids had no money so we decided whoever lost would have to clean the others’ room.  The game would end when the waitress delivered the bill.

The kids were hesitant, but agreed.  It was a nice meal.  We talked, we read the paper together, we enjoyed our meal, and we all made it to the end.  When the bill arrived though, there was a mad dash for our phones.  No one spoke for a good five minutes.  There were missed calls and text messages to check, tweets to read, pictures to look at, and status updates to like.  I looked around and said, “What is wrong with us?!?”  My daughter glanced up from her phone, “It’s FOMO, Mom.”

FOMO…Fear Of Missing Out.  What exactly are we so scared we are missing?  Is what’s on the phone screen truly more important than the flesh and blood person sitting across from you?

Don’t get me wrong, I love technology as much as the next person.  As a parent, I love the accessibility it gives me to my kids and the small peek into their lives it allows me.  It also scares the hell out of me.

Kids these days ARE missing out.  They are missing out on pulling a 20 foot phone cord into your room to talk on the phone for 3-4 hours.  They send a text instead.  They are missing out on sleepovers where your night centered around the excitement of seeing the new music video on MTV and countless calls to the radio station to request your favorite song.  They have YouTube and iTunes for that.  They are missing evenings of kick the can and capture the flag.  They are pinning on Pinterest and tweeting on Twitter instead.  As a society we are missing out as well.  We are missing the art of real conversation and the skill of being a good listener.  We are missing the ability to write a letter or even a paragraph using correct grammar and appropriate punctuation.  We are missing patience because we expect instant results and gratification for everything we do in life.  We are missing quiet and peaceful moments because we are always “connected”.  We are missing our privacy because everything we do can now be recorded, reported, or announced on some kind of social media.

Being a teenager has always been hard.  I believe being a teenager in today’s world is infinitely harder.  We were all left out at one time or another as a kid, but at least we didn’t have to see pictures of all the fun our friends had in our absence.  We all had break-ups and heart breaks, but we didn’t have to witness the new relationship our ex is having unfold through Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.  We all felt depressed at one time or another without the constant comparison of our lives to the status updates our “perfect” friends share about their “perfect” lives.  Learning how to drive and navigate a loud radio and even louder friends was scary enough without throwing cell phones into the mix.  We did stupid stuff teenagers do and the only witness was the friend that was with us.  Now someone secretly records your stupid mistake and its got a thousand hits on YouTube before you even wake up in the morning.  Pictures can be sent that can never, ever be retrieved and deleted and words can be said behind a computer screen that can never be taken back.  That’s a lot of pressure.

I’m making a commitment to “disconnect” a bit.  And I won’t lie, the thought brings me some anxiety.  I’m stepping away from my new iPhone and I’m going to try and remember what I did before I had one.  So if I don’t answer your call right away, return that text, or miss an important announcement on Facebook, it’s not personal.  I’m trying to rid myself of FOMO.  Who’s in?

My daughter can’t wait for summer.  My son can’t wait to get his license.  I can’t wait for the puppy to stop being a “puppy”, and my husband can’t wait for all of it!  Upon reflection, we spend a lot of time waiting.

We can’t wait to get to high school, we can’t wait to drive, we can’t wait to have a girl/boyfriend, we can’t wait to graduate, we can’t wait to go to college, we can’t wait to turn 21, we can’t wait to live on our own, we can’t wait to get married, we can’t wait to have a baby, we can’t wait for the baby to be out of diapers, we can’t wait for the toddler to go to school so we don’t have those daycare payments anymore, we can’t wait until we have more money, we can’t wait until we have more time, and we can’t wait to retire.

We wait to use our good china for something really special, we wait to buy that amazing gift we know they would love until a holiday rolls around, we wait to take that trip with our spouse until the kids are gone, we wait to get a puppy until we are not so busy, we wait to splurge on nice sheets for the bed until the ones we have are ripped and torn, we wait to find a job we really love until we lose the one we have , we wait to call our parents until we have more time, we wait to invite friends over until the house is spotless, and we wait to tell someone how much they mean to us until it’s too late.

We are always waiting for the next milestone, the next big thing that’s going to make our lives better, easier and more exciting.  We believe that once we reach that next big thing, we will finally be happy.  Sadly, most of us realize too late that true happiness comes from all the little stuff in between all the big “can’t waits”.  The unexpected hug my daughter gave me this morning, the sincere thank you my son whispered to me after I had done something for him, the phone call from my husband to check on me, and the puppy licking the tears from my face.  We are also waiting on the "right time".  Waiting for the perfect circumstances to  do "that thing" that we are waiting to do! 

Many years ago when my parents’ 40th anniversary was rolling around, my siblings and I talked about throwing them a big party.  We kept discussing if we should just “wait” until their 50th anniversary since that was a bigger milestone than 40.  Ultimately, we decided that we didn’t want to wait and we had the most amazing surprise anniversary party.  We created a wedding reception for them.  My mom’s wedding picture was on display, we had a DJ, they danced to their song and we dedicated a song to them from the kids that we all danced to.  We had food, a bar, a wedding cake and toasts.  The entire family was there and all of their friends from through the years.  We made so many memories that night.  Within three years of that magical night, my father was diagnosed with cancer and died.  Thank God we didn’t wait.

Don’t you wait either.  Life is happening today and none of us are promised tomorrow.  All that waiting is getting in the way of living.  Get out the china, buy yourself new sheets, call your mom, have a party, and tell someone you love them.  It can’t wait.

You finally find the courage to confide in someone.  You explain how sad you feel, how lonely you are in a room full of people, how overwhelmed you’ve become.  And the response?  What do YOU have to be depressed about?!?  So the depression deepens and the isolation grows because they are right.  You have a great life…healthy kids, a loving husband, a good job, money to put food on the table and take care of your kids…what DO you have to be depressed about? 

Well stop.  Depression is not a choice.  Just like cancer, depression does not discriminate.  It doesn’t matter how many friends you have, how rich you are, how beautiful/skinny you are, how great your kids are, or what kind of job you have.  It’s just there.  An uninvited guest that can show up anytime, anywhere.  You become a prisoner in your own head, unable to escape the thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness and feeling guilty because you know others have it worse than you.  You are not alone, you are not crazy, and most importantly, it’s not your fault. 

Most experts are still not sure what causes depression but it seems to be caused by a combination of factors, such as the person's genes, his biochemical environment, his personal experience and psychological factors.  An article in medicalnewstoday.com states that an MRI has shown that the brain of a person with depression looks different, compared to the brain of a person who has never had depression. The areas of the brain that deal with thinking, sleep, mood, appetite and behavior do not appear to function normally. There are also indications that neurotransmitters appear to be out of balance. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that our brain cells use to communicate. However, imaging technology has not revealed why the depression happened. We know that if there is depression in the family a person's chances of developing depression are higher. This suggests there is a genetic link. According to geneticists, depression risk is influenced by multiple genes acting together with environmental and others factors.

All of us get sad.  Many of us experience “situational depression”, meaning we might go through a period of sadness when we experience something awful.  Some of us might even have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  This is when a person develops a depressive illness during the winter months but the symptoms go away during spring and/or summer.  Some of us may have experienced postpartum depression after the birth of a baby. And some of us have a daily battle with depression, no matter what the circumstances.

I am not a doctor and certainly no expert on the facts surrounding depression.  There are plenty of places you can read all about the symptoms and treatment for depression (and you should…it is one of the most treatable illnesses!)  I am writing as someone who overheard the above conversation and it broke my heart.  I am writing as someone who has experienced mild depression (mostly situational and SAD) and someone who has friends experiencing depression.  I am also writing as a professional who is seeing more and more anxiety and depression and seeing it in kids as young as kindergarten (I’ll save that for another post!)  If you are experiencing depression, find a friend who will listen and not judge.  Don’t isolate yourself and don’t feel guilty.  Treat your depression as you would a physical impairment…talk to your doctor and get treatment.  There is nothing to be embarrassed about.  If you don’t know where to go for help, email me.  I can steer you in the right direction.  You are not alone.

We have had some very cold nights here in the past few weeks.  The cold led me to make a bed for Sadie (our stray cat) in our mudroom.  We also have a 6 month old chocolate lab named Bella.  Bella and Sadie are the best of friends as long as no one pays any attention to Sadie.  Bella has been bitten by the green-eyed-monster.  Bella is jealous…very jealous.  There is a door between the mudroom and the kitchen/family room.  As sneaky as I tried to be, Bella figured out Sadie was in the mudroom.  This was a new development to her and she did not like it one bit.  She sat at that door…she layed at that door…she guarded that door.  In the meantime, we are all in the family room calling for her to come play with us.  She refused.  Her eyes never left that door and what she perceived to be happening behind it.  I saw myself in her at that moment.  So worried about what MIGHT be happening somewhere else, I can’t enjoy where I am.  So consumed with what I’m missing, I don’t appreciate what I have.  Bella had four people who wanted to be with her, who were calling out to her, who wanted to give her their attention.  Unfortunately, she was so worried about the fact the cat might somehow receive a moment of that attention, she missed out.  Although just a small segment of time, she missed a roomful of love, a memory, a moment.  I shudder to think of how many of those moments I have missed.  How many times I’ve been preoccupied, emotionally unavailable, or just plain too tired to be in the present moment.  In all my reading, I agree that living in the past can lead to depression, living in the future can lead to anxiety and stress but living in the present, in the moment, is the key to contentment, happiness and health.   Research also shows the many physical benefits of learning to be in the moment—from lower blood pressure to reduced levels of stress and anxiety.  So why do we find it so hard to be present in the moment?  Are there times you’ve missed out on a important moment because you were thinking about what was happening elsewhere?  Has technology made it almost impossible to be in the moment?  Tell me what you think?

A student was having a hard time adjusting to the higher expectations of first grade.  He was greatly displeased by the removal of nap time.  He thought we should all get naps!  I silently agreed, but said “Honey, things change”.  He replied, “Well, I don’t like it.”  You know what, me either. 

So much has been written about the good that comes from embracing change.  How important it is to close doors so others will open.  In fact, I have quotes taped all over my office to remind me.  I email them to friends, share them on Facebook and pin them on Pinterest hoping the notion that change is a beautiful thing will somehow seep into my pores.  It looks so good on paper!  The truth is, I don’t like change.  It’s hard.  It’s uncomfortable.  It’s unfamiliar, and many times, it’s just plain sad.  It IS hard to see the open doors when you are focused on the closed ones, but when the closed one is all you’ve ever known and you can’t see the open door, how do you make yourself pull away and walk towards uncertainty?

I admit…I am good at sabotaging door closings.  I put stops in the door so they won’t close.  I flip the latch so they won’t shut all the way.  I stick my foot in the door and hold it open with one hand, all the while trying to live my life and wondering why new opportunities are not coming my way.  But even for the hard core resistors like myself, it’s obvious change is inevitable.  NOTHING in my life has been able to escape change.  Not my jobs, not my relationships with people, not my children or husband, and especially not me.  Although I still struggle with embracing change in the moment, I can skim through the chapters of my life and everywhere I look, I see those open doors created by closing others.  Although it’s frightening, it can also be liberating.  And although I didn’t see it or appreciate it at the time, I know that in most instances, things worked out the way they should have.

I am resisting a lot of change in my life right now.  I am putting so much effort into juggling to keep doors from closing; I’m missing out on the exciting and wonderful opportunities offered by the open doors.  We don’t have to like change but we must accept it.  The definition of embrace says “to clasp or hold close with the arms, usually as an expression of affection”. Maybe if I treat change with more warmth and less fear, I will be able to embrace it in the moment.  Writing this article is my first step.  What’s your first step? Are there doors you need to close?   Change you need to embrace?  Comment here and share your experience with me!