Verbify the Word: LimitlessLessons Accept All Meanings

Please let me introduce you to a genuine truthteller.

My good friend at LimitlessLessons is passionate about everything she does. In her life, with her family, in her career, in her writing … she is true. And while she is a wonderfully positive person, her writing and reflection is not all sunshine and rainbows and puppies. She does what I don’t do sometimes–she shares the ugly parts, the vulnerable parts, the absolute true and hard to admit parts. Which is why her writing speaks to us all. We find our souls are sitting there, nodding their collective heads in understanding while we read. It is just one of the reasons why I admire her so much. You are going to love her, too.

Please welcome LimitlessLessons to MommyVerbs and Verbify the Word Wednesday!

#####

I started LimitlessLessons about a year ago for a variety of reasons.  One of those reasons being I was searching for something, although I’m not sure what.  Maybe I was searching for the key to happiness, or searching for others who were like-minded, trying to better themselves, and searching for something as well.  Or possibly I was searching for an outlet to discuss experiences I was either excited or confused about.  I’m not really sure, but I was definitely searching for something that would make my life more peaceful and fulfilling.

When MommyVerbs was kind enough to invite me to be a guest blogger for her and explained I was to focus on a verb, the word “search” may have been an obvious choice.  But, if there is one thing I’ve learned this past year, it’s that the most concise and beautiful path to a content life is tostop searching and start accepting.

Just as the word “accept” seems like a pretty uncomplicated verb with a straightforward meaning, you would think accepting life as it’s presented to you would be straightforward as well.  Well, it’s not…at least not for me.  Did you know that according to the Encarta Dictionary: English (North America) there are actually twelve definitions for this simple word?  I’ve picked my top 6 definitions to assist me in taking a look at what I’ve learned (and continue to learn) over the past year as I’ve trudged along on my happiness quest.

1.      Take something offered

I’m learning the importance of taking something offered.  More often than not, that “something” is a helping hand, words of wisdom, or simply just a hug.  Accepting others’ help is very difficult for some people (me!) as it can be misconstrued as weakness.  The truth is, it takes great strength to acknowledge your shortcomings and admit you are in over your head.

 2.       Say yes to invitation

I am saying yes to more invitations…literally and figuratively.  I am not very comfortable around people I don’t know well, so making new friends has always been challenging for me.  I have been stepping outside my comfort zone and saying yes to new people and new opportunities as well as reconnecting with old friends I have lost touch with.  Just in the past year I have started yoga, participated in a bowling league, became an advisor for my sorority on campus, painted my first painting, started tennis lessons, and traveled out of the country for the first time with my husband.  Agreeing to write for MommyVerbs falls in this category as well.  There was definitely a time I would have politely declined because I would have been fearful my writing would not have lived up to the expectations.

 3.       Come to terms with something

This is a biggie.  There are so many things I’ve had to come to terms with.  Friends can become strangers as quickly as strangers can become friends.  I can’t stop my kids from growing up or our parents from getting older.  People can be incredibly mean-spirited, but they can also be incredibly kind.  Life goes on even when you don’t want it to.  Endings are always painful.  The quality of your friendships is much more important than the quantity.   People will always judge you, and although you may not live in your past anymore, there will be some who try to visit you there often.  You never know someone’s true character until they are angry at you.

 4.       Endure situation

This definition says to tolerate something without protesting or attempting to change it.  I have spent my life trying to change people and situations or trying to persuade people into seeing things my way.  Once I realized that wasn’t working, I spent years trying to change myself.  Although change can be good, I have focused lately on accepting myself each day wherever I am.  I’m always striving to be a better version of me, but I am finally learning to accept the current model with all its bugs and flaws.

 5.       Believe something

I believe that attitude is everything.  It governs the way you perceive the world and the way the world perceives you and a good attitude helps you achieve your greatest potential.  Although I believe this with all my heart, I have a ways to go with my own attitude some days.

 6.       Take blame for something

I am not perfect and have never claimed to be.  I have made plenty of mistakes and will continue to do so.  I have hurt people and I have handled situations in counter-productive ways.  My parenting is a work in progress and I’m not always the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, employee and friend, but my heart is always in the right place.  No one can be harder on me than I am on myself.  I’ve also realized that sometimes all someone wants to hear is a simple “I’m sorry”.

Unfortunately we can’t be selective about what we accept…we must accept it all.  This is the hard part.  Stewart O’Nan says,

“You couldn’t relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile.  You had to accept it as a whole–like the world, or the person you loved.”   

As I work tirelessly to find acceptance in the experiences, challenges, and people God lies at my feet, I find my happiness grows in direct proportion.

Laozi, a philosopher and poet of ancient China, encourages us in our acceptance by saying,

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

So, in the words of my inspiring MommyVerbs friend and colleague…Let’s all, Go. Do that!

#####

See. I told you so. Don’t you just love her!? Go check her out at www.limitlesslessons.com and like her page on facebook for more daily inspiration.

I’m not much of a New Year’s resolution girl…I’m more of a birthday resolution girl.  Maybe it’s because I’m a February baby so it’s not too far from the new year and it also gives all the New Year’s resolution people time to either get in a routine or bail.  This birthday was no different.  At 45, I knew I had to get serious.  I set my intentions.  This year was going to be all about taking care of me…body, mind, and soul…ALL of me.

My first step was to do what we all do…I joined a gym.  Not just any gym, but the gym I’ve been a member of probably at least 20 prior times.  This time I decided to up the ante.  Instead of joining for one month to decide if it was going to be a waste of money, I joined for six months AND I signed the whole family up.  Maybe that would help me stay motivated.  And off I went.  My first class was a weight lifting class.  I purposely went VERY light on the weight, knowing if I didn’t, I would feel like a truck ran over me the next morning since it had been over a year since I had lifted weights.  I’ve done this class many times so I knew what to expect, but I didn’t expect how much my body would fight it.  It was painful as I did it but I made it through the class.

The next morning I did not feel like a truck ran over me, I felt like TWO trucks ran over me and then parked!  I seriously couldn’t move.  If you’ve ever been really sore after working out you know what I’m talking about it.  There would be no squatting to pee, I could only use the handicap bathroom at work and that was only if my shaking arms didn’t give out trying to hold me up on the handicap rails.  I went the long way everywhere to avoid all stairs and after trying to lift my arm to staple something on a bulletin board for about 5 minutes, I just gave up.  I knew it was bad when I was waiting in line behind a 90 year old man and he dropped a dime.  We both looked at each other and I thought, “Oh crap.”  We both went for the dime (at the same pace I might add) and he beat me to it.  I couldn’t get back up so he was kind enough to help me!  The only place I could find any relief was in a hot bathtub.  I was miserable.

That evening I went to sit down on the couch with my husband.  After watching me for a quite some time try to sit without bending at all, he said to me, “You know you have to go back.”  I ignored him.  “You have to work through the pain.  Once you work through the pain it won’t hurt any more or it will at least be bearable.”  He was right (as usual)…and not just about the gym.

We tend to want to avoid painful situations and uncomfortable feelings.  If we ignore it long enough, it will go away.  But will it? 

We certainly don’t want to revisit experiences that have hurt us, but until we do, we are never free of them and nothing changes.  We can push them way down and pretend they don’t exist, but they will continue to eat away at us in all kinds of unhealthy ways. 

Everyone I know is dealing with some kind of pain.  There are times we never acknowledge our pain because we minimize it.  Yes, we are hurting, but we know so many people who have it “worse than us” so we don’t feel entitled to feel our pain.  And then we have other judging our pain, comparing their pain to ours, thereby making our pain seem trivial.  I once read somewhere that the pain of the death of a loved one, the pain of the end of a relationship, and the pain of a child losing a teddy bear are no different. Pain is pain and no one should put limits on it or qualify it.

And then there are times it’s, well, just too painful.  We just don’t feel like we can face it.  So we look for answers in all the wrong places and the pain just multiplies.  It’s not until we truly work through our pain in a healthy and productive way that we can be free of it.  Being free does not mean we forget or we never feel sad, it just means we don’t let the pain control us anymore…it becomes bearable.

For those wondering, I did go back to the gym and my soreness is now the “good kind” of pain.  I’ve been very consistent with this class because I know if I don’t continue to go, I’ll be right back where I started…in pain.  And who wants to be there?!?