Happy 2014!!  I’ve taken some time off from writing to focus on my friends and family and honestly, just to relax and re-energize.  I spent the first week of my Christmas vacation entertaining A LOT and the second week recuperating from entertaining.  I did very little except watch my kids play sports.  In fact, I did so little and felt so tired that I went and had a blood test for mono.  Fortunately, no mono, just a touch of the flu and plenty of my body trying to tell me to settle down a bit.  So that’s what I did!  Lazy comes pretty naturally to me when given the opportunity!

During my entertaining week, three generations of women in my family went to have manicures and pedicures.  It was wonderful.  We randomly happened to have the place to ourselves so we were able to really enjoy ourselves.  I had talked my mother into a different kind of manicure than she normally gets and she was very excited with the results.  I was sitting beside her and said “Let me see!”  She enthusiastically showed off her manicure than immediately followed up with shame over the look of her hands.  “Look how old they are, aren’t they ugly?” she stated.  I said, “No mom, they are not ugly…they are beautiful.”  She laughed and we moved on, but her comment stayed with me.  I have compared my own hands to the beautiful unblemished hands of my own daughter and felt the exact same way…ashamed.

When did we become a society so obsessed with looking youthful that we are ashamed of aging?

I was having trouble sleeping one night and so I began to watch TV around 2:00 a.m.  Television that time of night is filled with many infomercials.  I found myself too awake to sleep, but too sleepy to even care what was playing so I just watched and flipped channels. I spent hours watching about how to make a woman’s aging skin look young again, how to fix a woman’s sagging chin, how to get rid of a woman’s ugly stretch marks, and the glorification of looking 20 when you are 40 or 50.  I have to admit, it was quite depressing.  Millions of dollars spent by women trying their hardest not to age…me included.  When did aging become a dirty word?  When did it become unattractive to be 50 years old and actually LOOK 50 years old?  When did we lose respect for the experience and wisdom that comes along with the gift of aging?

I’m in no way saying we shouldn’t take care of ourselves.  We should be eating a healthy diet, exercising our bodies and minds, protecting ourselves from the harmful effects of the sun, and trying our best to cut back on all those bad habits we started in our 20’s.  My point is we have become a culture that has limited the definition of beauty to one word…youth.  I find this extremely disheartening and sad.  And the truth is,  I wouldn’t go back to 20 even if I could.  My body might not be what it once was and I may not be seen as beautiful to some as I was 10 or 20 years ago, but my beauty goes so much deeper than it did back then.  At 44 I don’t want to just look beautiful anymore…I want to be a beautiful person.  There’s a big difference, one I might not have understood in my 20’s and I hope to understand even more in my 70’s. 

So about your hands Mom…I cannot think of anything more beautiful than your hands.  Those hands loved my father for over 40 years and took amazing care of him throughout his battle with cancer.  They changed the diapers of four children and put us to bed each night.  They fed our family, sewed clothes, and knitted scarves.  They have decorated over 50 Christmas trees and wrapped thousands of gifts.  They were our safety net in learning how to walk and they rubbed our backs when we were sick.  They have wiped countless tears and clapped over and over for our accomplishments.  They brushed our hair and baked us cookies.  They have held your head as you prayed for us and smacked our bottoms when we deserved it.  They have written love letters and obituaries.  They have held and rocked eight grandbabies.  Every spot and wrinkle on your hand is a sign of living and loving. 

There is nothing more beautiful than that.

I’m sitting here thinking about what’s expected of me in my job.  My most important (and most difficult) responsibility is the expectation to teach my students about character.  Very simply, this is what is expected of me…

I’m expected to teach them about respect.  To explain they don’t have to be everyone’s friend, but they must be respectful and kind and treat others the way they want to be treated.  Bullying others is not ok and they must stand up for each other and what they believe in. 

I’m expected to teach them about responsibility.  To help them see they must sometimes do the hard stuff before they can do the fun stuff and that people count on them to do their jobs. 

I’m expected to teach them to be thankful.  To be thankful for this country, for our school, for the people who give them the privilege to lead the life they lead.  And to do more than feel thankful…to speak of and show their gratitude.

I’m expected to teach them to be caring.  To think of others before they think of themselves sometimes and that relationships are as important as being “right”.  Giving is more rewarding than receiving and doing things for others is the cornerstone of a kind world and kind heart.

I’m expected to teach them to persevere.  To work hard and never give up.  If you try hard enough, you will be able to accomplish anything.  To take small steps towards a larger purpose and to keep moving forward.

I’m expected to teach them to be trustworthy.  To understand the importance of keeping their promises and sticking to their word.  They must not lie, cheat, or steal.  Trust is something very sacred and once it is lost, it’s almost impossible to get back. 

I’m expected to teach them to be a good citizen.  To honor our country, to take care of our earth, to follow rules, and to take care of each other.  To be a good sport and to not kick someone when they are down, but hold out your hand to help them up.  To be humble and to be proud.

I’m expected to teach them self-discipline.  To help them see they are responsible for their own choices and they must pay consequences for those choices sometimes.  To show them they have full control over their actions and behaviors and they cannot blame others for their shortcomings.

I’m expected to teach them to cooperate.  To model that compromise is a crucial and essential skill.  That you must really listen to others and try to see others’ points of view in order to accomplish anything.  That everyone’s role is important and necessary within a group and people count on you to do your part.

Then I turn on the news.  And I wonder if I should be teaching my elementary school character lessons to our politicians instead.  To them I say…you expect me to do these things to keep my job?  Well, I expect you to do them as well.  It’s time to grow up.

My elementary school has chosen the book The 7 Habits of Happy Kids by Sean Covey as the book we are going to promote school-wide this year.  As part of that effort, our school t-shirts this year look like a baseball jersey with a “7” on the back filled in with the seven habits.  Here's a picture...

I was wearing my t-shirt one evening while I was in Panera for a meeting.  I was standing in line waiting to order when the woman behind me, tapped me on the shoulder.  She said, “I love your t-shirt!”  I chuckled and said, “Thank you!  I work in an elementary school and it’s our school shirt.”  She then asked me what it meant.  I went on to explain it was the 7 habits listed in Sean Covey’s book.  The woman then shared with me she was very angry with her husband and had planned to go home and “let him have it”.  She said she walked into Panera and immediately a particular sentence from my shirt jumped out at her.  It was the 5th habit from the book…

Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.

She told me she stared at that sentence and decided to approach her husband in a different way when she got home.  She was going to listen to him first and really try to understand his point of view and then explain hers and hope he would do the same for her.  I wished her luck and that was that, but her story stuck with me.

I have been so busy creating and researching lessons to teach my students this important habit, I had not really thought about how it applied to my own life.  In the book Mr. Covey writes, “In school we’re taught how to read, write, and speak.  But we’re not taught how to listen, which is the most important communication skill of all.  Listening with our ears isn’t good enough, because less than 10 percent of communication is contained in the words we use.  The rest comes from body language and the tone and feeling reflected in our voice.  What a great blessing it would be if we could teach our kids how to listen while they’re young!”  I could not agree more Mr. Covey!

In my profession, listening to others is an important skill, so I do a pretty good job of it at work.  But, my personal life?  That’s another story.  I have found myself in a couple of situations lately where I was far from being a good listener.  I think most of us would agree we spend much more times seeking to be understood than we do to understand.  It’s so important to us to get our point across and make sure people know our view about something, the skill of listening has fallen to the wayside.   We get caught up in the moment of defending ourselves or making sure our opinion is heard and it’s only later we sit back and wish we had really taken the time to LISTEN and UNDERSTAND.  We miss valuable opportunities to form deeper relationships when our only focus is to be understood.

Sadly, listening has almost become obsolete in this high-tech, electronic world where most of our communication is through social media and texting.  People don’t talk anymore….they do everything by text and social media.  They fight over Twitter, break up over text, make up over text, and share some of the best and worst news of their life over Facebook.  Social media has some amazing benefits.  I am able to keep up with friends in a way I never could without it and I love being able to hear my friends’ good (and sometimes bad!) news.  But if this is the only way we communicate, it becomes a problem.  If less than 10 percent of our communication is made up of the words we say (or type!), imagine what we are missing!  Since there is no tone or feeling reflected over text or social media, we make up our own.  This can be dangerous.

I’m committed to be a better listener.  I’m committed to seeking FIRST to understand before I expect to be understood.  If I expect my elementary-aged students to do, it has to start with me.  Imagine a world of faithful listeners where everyone’s first priority is seeking to understand others first…how powerful would that be!?!  In the words of Rachel Naomi Remen, “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention...A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”   Let’s all try it today!  Be an attentive and active listener with the intent to understand, not just reply, and let me know how it goes!

I have this “friend”. I tell her everything.  Recently though, I’m realizing she is not a very good friend.  In fact, she’s the worst friend I have.  Here is a sampling of some of our conversations…

Me:  I lost a pound this week.
Friend:  A pound?  Seriously? You’ve been drinking spinach like someone is paying you by the leaf and getting up at some ungodly hour every morning to work out and you only lost one pound???  That sucks!  I’d give up on that!

Me:  I forgot the one paper I needed for my meeting today.
Friend:  How can you be so stupid and forget that?!
 
Me:  Catie didn’t have what she needed clean for volleyball this morning. I feel bad.
Friend:  You should feel bad!  You are lazy and unorganized and you really need to figure out how to get your shit together!!  Other working parents get it done…why can’t you?

Me:  How do I look? (after getting ready for an evening out)
Friend:  Tired and old.  The 40’s have seriously not been kind to you.  I’d ask for a do-over.
 
I know what you’re thinking.  You are thinking why in the world would I have a friend like this and why would I ever let someone speak to me this way.  I’m wondering the same thing.

The saddest part of this story is that this “friend” is me.

If you follow LimitlessLessons on Facebook you know I post a lot of quotes.  Some have a very personal meaning to me, others I just love the message, while a handful stick with me and speak to me in a very profound way. This one stuck with me…

It’s a simple quote but I couldn’t get it out of my head.  As those who know me are well aware, I think A LOT.  I have been known to create stories in my head that could win an Academy Award.  I tend to think I know what others are thinking and feeling when in reality I have no idea.  I have a hard time having relationships with people who don’t communicate well because if you don’t tell me what you are thinking or feeling, I’ll just make it up in my own head.

I’ve actually gotten much better about this, but what I have not gotten better about, is how I talk to myself.  I would never tolerate anyone else talking to me the way I talk to myself sometimes.  If someone spoke to my child or mother or best friend the way I speak to myself, I’d be outraged.  So why is it ok for us to treat ourselves in ways we would never allow others to treat us?

It’s not.  And I know I’m not alone out there.
 
Throughout the day, our thoughts race at a hundred miles an hour, jumping uncontrollably from one self-diminishing thought to the next without consciously registering as such. If someone else was to put us down, our senses would immediately awaken and we would probably defend ourselves. However, there is no such self-defense mechanism with negative self-talk. All this negativity is blindly absorbed and becomes that much more toxic to our lives and particularly the relationship we have with ourselves.

What are the unsupportive thoughts you hear playing on repeat in your mind right now?  What self-defeating, abusive and limiting statement is your brain trying to convince you (or have convinced you) to be true?  Here are some of the more common ones…

I’m not good enough.
I’m ugly.
I’m too fat/tall/short/young/old.
I’m stupid.
He/she’ll never love me.
I am not lovable.
I am a bad parent.
I am a horrible person.
There is something wrong with me.
I never have enough time.
I don’t deserve …
I can’t …

Again, Don’t believe everything you think.

So how do we change this?  The first step is to be aware…really pay attention to the internal voice you communicate with.  Take note of every time you say something negative to yourself. I think you’ll be surprised how often it is.  Next, start to counter those thoughts with the reverence you would give your best friend. Speak to yourself
with kindness and love.  Be the kind of friend to yourself you want others to be to you. 
Remember, you teach others how to treat you so treat yourself with all the respect, love, and compassion you deserve!  If you don’t, who will?

I was out of town this weekend, and on my way home we stopped at a McDonalds.  I had already ordered and was standing close to the register waiting on my food.  The cashier was a young boy who looked about 16 years old.  He was working hard and doing his best in the lunch crowd chaos.  Another woman had been called up to retrieve her food.  As she got her food, she made a biting comment to the young boy.  I do not know what she said, but her tone of voice made me jerk around to see what was going on.  The boy handed her the food and she asked if he had included a napkin.  He had not.  She made another comment and he went to grab the napkin for her.  She then turned to the woman next in line to order and said, “What kind of retard forgets to put in a napkin with your meal!” The boy handed her the napkins and she commented, “You are awful.”  She then proceeded to walk away, appearing to be quite proud of herself.  The cashier seemed completely unfazed by her outburst and never even flinched.  The woman ordering then said, “Honey, don’t worry, you can’t please everyone.”

Two thoughts went through my mind at that moment.  The first was mean people suck.  The second was the reaction of the young boy.  Was his complete void of any reaction to her ugliness a sign that he had to put up with that kind of behavior quite often so he is just numb to it?  If so, how sad.

Before I continue, let me say what some of you are thinking.  I know there is much good in our world…much more good than bad on most days. I know the examples of kindness, thoughtfulness and compassion are in abundance, but today I’m just sick of the meanness.

I posted this quote from Buddha recently on my LimitlessLessons Facebook page...

Life is so very difficult.  It's difficult for all of us, but especially for young people.  They may not be trying to figure out how to make a house payment or raising kids or managing a home, but they are doing something so much more important...they are developing their identities.  They are growing their self esteem.  They are figuring out their place in this world.  They are deciding if they are good enough for their dreams.  They are trying to figure out if this is a nice world or a mean world and they are looking to us adults for guidance.  They are watching what we do.  They are paying attention to how we treat people and how we handle adversity.  They are looking to us to build them up and teach them how to handle mistakes...like not putting a napkin in a stupid bag of food.

I've been watching a lot of meanness go on among young people in our social media world and it breaks my heart.  Sadly, the meanness of adults on social media and even in the real world is even worse.  I'm appalled.  When did we become a society where no one is allowed to have a differing opinion...where political and religious preferences are more important than life-long friendships..where because we are behind a computer, we feel we have the right to say anything we wish, no matter how cruel or untrue.

I was reading an article recently about Kim Kardashian (she stars in a reality show) and the pressure she is feeling from the media and public regarding all her pregnancy weight.  What I found most interesting, was not the article itself, but the comments the public wrote at the end.  The cruelty, nastiness, and malice for which some people wrote about her and her weight was something I have never seen.  Most of you are saying who cares about Kim Kardashian or maybe you don't even know who she is.  Or you are saying she thrives on all the attention, positive or negative, because that's her only claim to fame.  You are saying she signed up for this by being on a reality show and being a celebrity...you have to take the good with the bad.

You know what I say...
No human being deserves to be treated with that kind of contempt...NO ONE.

I chose this example on purpose because, although most of us really don't know her or care about her pregnancy weight, our young people do.  They are reading this and not only seeing how cruel people can be, but young girls are taking in some potentially harmful ideas about pregnancy, gaining weight and the world's judgment of anyone who struggles with their weight or does not have the ideal size 2 body.  But, even worse are the articles I have read on politics, religion, or even sports!  The callousness of how we treat people who do not share our same beliefs or meet our expectations or even make a mistake is something some of us should take a harder look at.

I'm not perfect and I have certainly had mean moments in my life, but I hope to never be that woman in McDonalds.  To her I say...was the napkin really as important as a young boy's self respect?  Shame on you.

Everyone has “their” show…for my Dad it was Everybody Loves Raymond.  I can see him like it was yesterday, sitting on the edge of his bed laughing and laughing at that show.  For my husband, it’s The Big Bang Theory.  He watches marathons of it and just cracks up, even if he’s seen the episode many, many times.  For me, it’s The Middle.  I LOVE that show.  It’s the only show I laugh out loud to.  I record it and sometimes watch each episode a couple of times because I always catch something the second time I may have missed the first time around.  The show resonates with me on so many different levels.

The Middle is real. It doesn’t sugarcoat the realities of life and in our world of perfect “facebook families” the Hecks are a breath of fresh air.  I want to be their friend.  I’m still catching up on recorded episodes and I watched one the other day where Frankie (mom) was trying to get a job.  She was complaining to Mike (dad) that she kept getting asked in the interviews the philosophical question of “Who is Frankie Heck?”  She had no idea.  Together they decided “nice” and “hardworking” might be stretching the truth a bit so she asked her three kids to each give a word to describe her…Axl (son #1) came up with lazy, Brick (son #2) chose angry, and Sue (daughter) selected tired.  Frankie got frustrated and walked off and Axl yelled, “We are just trying to help!  You are being ungrateful!”  The other two kids started clapping, nodding their heads saying “ungrateful, great word Axl!”  So Frankie spends the rest of the show trying to figure out who she is.

Frankie, I don’t know who I am either and I hope I never really do.  Because if I can ever precisely define myself, it means I’ve stopped growing and changing.  I’ve been lots of different people throughout the stages of my life, some I’ve liked and some not so much, but they have all made me who I am today.  But here’s what I do know about myself…

I’m a contradiction. I’m the keeper of secrets and the shoulder that soaks up many tears.  I’m the unwelcome voice of reason and the look that makes you look away. I’m passionate, loyal, and trustworthy, but I’m also emotional, sensitive, and stubborn.  I’m a magician that can pull lost things from thin air and a gardener who nurtures, waters, and pulls the weeds of the many relationships I tend to.  I see myself as weak but always find myself to be stronger than I ever imagined possible when I have to be.  I don’t let you in easily, but when I do, you get the whole me…the good, bad, and ugly. I have a temper, but I also have a generous heart.  I’m not a risk taker with anything except relationships and then there’s no risk too great.  I can be inpatient and insecure but also independent and introspective.  I make lots of mistakes and ask for forgiveness. My heart feels like it’s going to burst with all the love and compassion I feel, but at the same time my head feels like it’s going to explode from all the thoughts and worries I ruminate.  I sometimes get so caught up in what I don’t have, I forget what I do have. I’m grateful and spoiled. I’m silly and serious. I’m lazy and busy.  I’m happy and sad.  I’m perfectly imperfect.

But no matter what combination you get of me on a given day, I also know I’m enough. 

And YOU are enough too.   

When my son was a toddler I would throw him these huge birthday parties…his friends, our friends, lots of chaos.  The first year we did this, he spent most of the party hiding under the table and cried when we sang happy birthday.  I thought…what is wrong with you?  You’re being rude to your friends…how can you not be enjoying this?  The second year as he hid under the table I thought…what is wrong with me?  He is obviously not enjoying this at all…is it HIS party or MY party?  We never had any more “birthday parties” after that. He might have a few friends spend the night or out to dinner with the grandparents but parties were a thing of the past.  It was in that moment watching him hiding and truly miserable that the idea of introverts and extroverts began to apply to my life.  I realized I was trying to make my introverted son an extrovert like me and doing all kinds of damage in the process.

I like the way my sister describes it best.  She is a career counselor at a large university.  Her title and responsibilities are much more impressive than that, but that’s her passion.  Helping students find their calling in life and she is very well versed in personality testing. (Go check out her blog!).  She says to think of yourself as an iPod.  You are down to 1% left on your battery and you need to recharge.  Do you recharge by being around lots of people and action (extrovert) or do you recharge in solitude and quiet (introvert)?  

I’ve always been on the extrovert side.  As a child I loved people and parties and being the center of attention.  In high school I was very social and outgoing.  I was a bubbly and energetic cheerleader with no qualms performing at a pep rally in front of the whole school.  I ran for class offices and served on committees and I was always where the party was.  The more the merrier and my social calendar couldn’t be full enough.  In college I felt a tiny shift.  The sorority I was in felt a bit overwhelming at times and I stuck mostly with a small group of friends but I still had a very active social life.  I could small talk with the best of them and be extremely charming when need be.  In my 30’s I felt another shift.  I wasn’t as comfortable around people I didn’t know. Once I got to know someone they would be surprised at how nice I was and easy to talk to because their first impression of me was sometimes stand-offish or even snobbish.  My husband and I still entertained and went out a lot but I found myself hiding in the bathroom at times just to get a breather and regroup. The large groups felt stifling.  I found my large circle of friends dwindling a bit and preferred a smaller group.  I took a personality test at this point and found I was 50/50 introvert versus extrovert.  I was teetering on the line and easily swayed depending on the day or my mood.  I believe I officially made the leap to being an introvert in my 40’s.  Small talk is torture for me, but a one-on-one conversation with the same person becomes meaningful and sincere.  My job requires me to use every ounce of “extrovertism” I have left, so my free time is spent mostly on activities that don’t require company.  I read, write, go the movies, walk.  I crave alone time.  I need quiet because my mind is so loud.  I still do lots of happy hours and socializing but it’s almost always one-on-one or in a small group.  I used to be an open book, but I do much more listening now and much less talking.  

Most of us possess a little bit of each side to us but the research I’ve seen says that extroverts make up anywhere from 50-75% of the population.  I believe that introverts are misunderstood by many.  So, on behalf of introverts everywhere, this is what I want you to know.  I’m definitely not shy, I just don’t always interact for the sake of interacting. When I’m quiet, I’m not mad or upset or depressed or pouting, I’m just listening…and I enjoy that.  I have strong social skills and I enjoy socializing as much as anyone, but when the party is over and my extrovert friends want to keep it going, you will find me home in my pajamas.  It’s not that I didn’t have fun or I don’t enjoy your company because I do, I just need to recharge.  My circle of close friends may seem small to you, but I like it that way. They are made up of people who are loyal, compassionate and sincere.  I do like to have fun!  Sometimes it will be in the same ways my extroverted friends do and other times it may be in ways that seem boring to you.  There will be times you find me on the dance floor with endless energy but there will also be times getting carried away in a good book sounds just as fun. 
Some of my closest friends would be considered extroverts.  We treasure each other for who we are and try not to take personally the things that make us different.  My extroverted friends make sure I don’t become a hermit and lead me outside my comfort zone from time to time, while I rein them in and encourage them to slow down and take time for themselves.  I might even get them to read a book or two!

I don’t know how long this phase of introversion will last for me as I believe you can transition from one to another throughout our many life stages.  Looking back, I’ve probably been more “ambivert” (someone who falls in the middle of the spectrum) than either of the other two, but I also had a misconception that in order to be “fun” you had to be extroverted.  But what I do know, it that today I’m an introvert and I couldn’t be happier.

What about you?  Do you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert or ambivert?  Have you found you’ve transitioned from one to another throughout your life?  I’d love to hear what you think!

You will never hear me described as tall or athletic or skinny or probably even beautiful.  You will more likely hear words like short or curvy or stocky or cute.  And I’m ok with that.  That is until I get around tall, athletic, skinny, beautiful women and then I fall into the trap…the comparison trap.

A friend of mine sent me a devotional she received from Proverbs 31 Ministries with an encouraging note today.  It was a devotional written by Lysa TerKeurst that started out this way…

“Comparisons stink. They do.

Just when I think I've gotten to a good place in some area of my life, along comes someone or something that seems better in comparison. And my confidence shrinks back, takes the hand of doubt, and starts ransacking the peace right out of my heart and mind.

I know deep down that God can and will use everything for good in my life, even my areas of vulnerability. But honest to goodness, it's hard on a girl's heart.”

It is hard on a girl’s heart.  If it’s not our bodies we are comparing, it’s our marriages, our jobs, our kids, our houses, our friends, our fitness, and the overall “fun” we are having in our life.  It’s always been this way, but I think social media exacerbates the problem.  We look on sites like Facebook and we “see” people with passionate marriages, successful kids, great jobs, lots of friends, running weekly marathons, and seemingly having the time of their lives.  Then it starts…the comparison.  We compare this façade (which is all it is) to our actual, real lives and things that seemed “ok”, now don’t seem so great.  Although making comparisons is very normal, as it is often how we gauge our progress and how we figure out the bar in the first place, it is rarely helpful.

Most of our comparing is based on an observation, nothing more.  We do not have all the information we need to make an accurate comparison.  If we did, we would most likely find that what we observe to be far from the truth.  When you compare, you will most likely fall short in your own mind because there is always someone or something “better” than you in any given area.  You will always find someone who is fitter, prettier, busier, smarter… but don’t mistake this for happier.  Comparing teaches us a “you versus me” mentality that leads people, especially women, to be pitted against each other rather than being supportive and nurturing.  Comparison leads to low self esteem, depression and does nothing but damage relationships, especially your relationship with yourself.  When we are full of love for ourselves, we have no need to compare. 

So from me to you (and from me to me)…if you must compare, don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to the person you were yesterday.  Be the best YOU can be.  Your unique look, one-of-a-kind personality, and distinctive heart distinguish you from all the others and that’s how God intended it to be.  So much precious time is wasted comparing ourselves to others.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses and it’s only when you accept everything you are – and aren’t - that you will feel successful.  Everyone’s journey is unique.  Theodore Roosevelt said it best when he said “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  So right now…right this very minute…I challenge you to commit to taking your joy back.  There is no such thing as perfection.   Quit asking what’s “wrong” with me and start focusing on what’s “right” with you, because I know there is plenty.  Roosevelt also said "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."  So simple, yet so profound.  For me,that’s the very best any of us can do, wouldn't you agree?

It’s Mother’s Day weekend and I am lucky to be surrounded by some incredible moms.  They are great role models and each possesses amazing strengths I strive to emulate on a daily basis.  I have a wonderful support group of women who understand how hard it can be to be a mom.  They listen to me, they love me and they treat my kids as their own.  Like I said, I’m lucky indeed.

What makes me most fortunate though, is to still have my own mom in my life.  I know many who are not as privileged and how much they will be missing their own moms this weekend.  Last year for Mother’s Day I wrote my mom a letter.  I want to share an excerpt of that letter as a tribute to her and to honor all moms out there who may not get the recognition they deserve.

“Things in our family have changed so much since Daddy died.  Todd made a comment one time that it was because the center “hub” in our wheel was broken which made the wheel not able to function like it should.  It left me thinking about the impact people have on our lives and sadly, we don’t always realize that impact until they are gone.

My memories of Dad are more vivid than my memories of you.  I think it’s not only because he is gone, but also because my memories of him are in his “extreme” moments.  My memories of you are the everyday ones.  You standing over the stove every single night cooking us dinner, drying the dishes at night while we talked, the matching outfits you used to make us and then as I got older, taking me school clothes shopping every year.  Getting ready for dances, decorating the house with you for Christmas, and birthday dinners you made so special.  Seeing you in the stands at everything I ever participated in, laying on your bed watching you get ready to go out, and the smell of your perfume.  Tuesday night bridge, hot chocolate after a cold day of sledding, and packing for vacations.  Spending hours going through your jewelry box, taking care of me when I was sick, and the security, stability and comfort you provided me that made me never want to be too far away from you.  I still consider your house my “home” and have been there many times, even when you didn’t know it, when I needed to go where I felt most safe.

Over the years I would call the house and if Dad answered, he would say hello, then immediately say “you want to talk to your mother?”  I would try to have a quick conversation with him, but he was right…I wanted to talk to my mom.  You have been there through many breakups and makeups, you helped me choose colleges, furnished and decorated apartments, bought the outfit for me to wear to my first job interview and went with me.  You planned my wedding and helped me set up my first home.  You were there every step of the way through my troubled pregnancies, the births of my beautiful children, and to hang out with me when they were young and I wasn’t sure what to do with them.  You provided for me in ways that were so profound, I never even though about them until I was older.  I never worried about what I was going to eat, if I had clean clothes, if the house was presentable to have friends over, if we had enough money, and never once did I doubt your love for me.

I often worry about what kind of legacy I’m leaving and what kind of impact I’ve made on the people around me.  My kids say I’m no fun and boring, but if being boring means I am giving my kids the stability, comfort, and security of my own childhood, then “boring” is my proudest legacy.  I learned it from the best.  And although Todd may be right about Dad being the “missing hub” in our wheel, the hub would serve no purpose without the many spokes attached to it.  You were all those spokes…mother, friend, wife, caregiver, fashion designer, cheerleader, researcher, banker, taxi cab driver, advocate, interior decorator, teacher, travel agent, maid, party planner, cook, nurse…and the list goes on and on.”

I love you mom!  And to all my mommy friends on this Mother’s Day weekend, I hope each of you know how much you are appreciated and valued, and the difference you make in the lives of others.  Not just in the lives of your own family, but in my life.  I watch you.  I look up to you.  I’m amazed by you.  I live by your example.  I’m in awe of you job you do every single day.  I’m humbled by the deep love and commitment you feel for your children and I’m honored to be held in your company.  And to my own kids…nothing makes me prouder than to be your mom.  So, Happy Mother’s Day!!  I hope the day is as special as you are and you are showered with all the gratitude you so rightfully deserve!