I was part of a conversation recently where I overheard a lady telling someone else how she wished all sports would be banned from schools.  She felt too much emphasis was placed on sports, and not enough on academics.  She wasn’t talking directly to me so I decided to stay quiet.  But, I get it.  The accolades for athletic accomplishments far exceed the accolades for academic accomplishments.  We have sports sections in the newspaper and sports segments on the local news, but very little concerning the academic achievements of our youth.  Parents will sit in the freezing rain for hours to watch their child play sports, but won’t show up for a 15 minute parent-teacher conference.  Parents will argue profusely with a referee on a call they deem to be unfair, or make a multitude of calls to a coach if they believe their child is receiving unfair playing time, but have no interest in the unfairness of teacher pay, budget cuts, or the overall direction our education system is headed.  It’s a family affair to show up to watch our kids play sports, but how many of us bring our families to school-sponsored events that are not athletic in nature.  I’ve worried about the mixed signals I’ve sent my own kids at time.  Do my actions tell them I value their achievement in academics more than their participation in sports?  Our country certainly isn’t telling them this when the average NFL player makes a median salary of $770,000 while a teacher’s median salary is $52,000.  Like I said, I get it.

But now for the flip side from someone whose kids play A LOT of sports.  My kids are learning some crucial life lessons from their participation in sports and I couldn’t be more proud.  There were so many, I really struggled narrowing my list from 15 or 20, but here are my top 5! (in no particular order)

1.        Understanding commitment – My kids love playing sports, but there are days they really don’t want to go to practice.  But they do…because they’ve made a commitment.  They know their team is counting on them and they don’t want to let them down.  It’s their responsibility to contact their coaches if they have to miss a practice or need to be late, just like it will be their responsibility once they get a job.  Sports have taught them once you commit to something you follow through on that commitment because others are depending on you.

2.       Overcoming obstacles and perseverance – Life is going to throw us obstacles at every turn.  I certainly can’t prepare my kids for every one of them, but sports have taught them how to work through many.  They’ve dealt with getting cut from teams, lower than hoped for playing time, difficult teammates, questionable coaching, bad calls from refs, injuries, unsportsmanlike behavior (teammates AND parents), and playing through illness.  They are learning you get out of life what you put in it.  Nothing is handed to you, you must earn it.  And in order to earn it, you must never give up.  Effort equals results.

3.       Defining success – Sports are showing my kids there are many ways to define success.  Of course, wins and losses are one way, but I’ve watched my kids come home disappointed after a great win because they were not pleased with their personal performance, or on the other hand, be ok with a loss because they knew they played their best.  Success in life can be defined in many ways as well, but they are learning that doing your personal best, always equals a personal success.

4.       Teamwork and a focus on what you can control – Sports provide an opportunity for kids to learn to take turns and cooperate with teammates to achieve goals…even teammates they don’t like.  This holds true for the rest of your life.  You are going to have to work with people you don’t like, but still get the job done.  As kids learn their role on the court or field, this translates into the working world where you must understand your role within an organization in order to be most effective and efficient.  In life and sports, there is a lot of uncertainty.  You can control your attitude and effort, but you can’t control the refs, how your teammates are playing, or the coaches’ decisions.  Sports are teaching them to stay focused on THEIR effort, not on the outcome and let go of what they can’t control.  They make mistakes, but as athletes, they are learning to acknowledge their mistake, learn from it, then quickly brush it off and put it in the past so they can be mentally ready for the next game.

5.       Everyone has something different to offer/respect – In team sports, it’s rare that one person can perform every task well.  Different members of the team have different strengths and weaknesses.  Sports are teaching them to appreciate these differences and the importance of respecting what all people contribute to a game.  My kids have made friends with a diverse group of people they would have never had an opportunity to meet without sports in their life.  They also are learning how to be humble winners and gracious losers…a skill that will take them far in life.

Many people have questioned my decision to allow my kids to participate in so many sports.  They express concern for the limited amount of free time the kids have, the money and time we have spent on traveling on the weekends, and the lack of “family time” we have.  But it has been, without a doubt, the right decision for our family.  My kids stay naturally fit and healthy, they have stayed out of trouble (so far), and it’s something our family enjoys doing together.  Games are a family affair with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  Some of our best memories have been the four of us squeezed in a hotel room.  And then, of course, all the above mentioned lessons they are learning.  With all that said, I’m well aware that it’s their academics that will solidify their future and be the deciding factor on where they go to college.  So I will continue to try and find a balance for both their academic and athletic achievements.  I’ll still be the pacing mom up in the stands that can’t stand to watch when games get close and the pain-in-the butt mom checking their grades on the computer on a weekly basis. And I’ll continue to be extremely proud.  Not only of their report card or their starting position on a team, but proud of the amazing human beings they both are…on AND off the court.

Today is a bittersweet day for me.  My son got in the car and drove to school…all by himself.  The feelings were the same as the day he went off to kindergarten.  Wondering when in the world my little boy got so big.  Taking pictures he didn’t want me to take.  Waving to him with tear-filled eyes long after I could no longer see his car.  Planning how I could secretly follow him to school at a safe distance to make sure he got there ok.  Knowing I had to let go and let him navigate this milestone all by himself, but not wanting to.  

Don’t get me wrong, Brandon is a good driver.  I’ve been so proud of the way he’s handled himself in the car the past nine months.  I’m very excited for him.  I remember the first time I got behind the wheel all by myself.  I was cheering for a high school basketball game.  My mom let me take the car to pick up my best friend and drive to the high school.  Even though we were in a 1976ish station wagon the size of a small boat, Pam and I thought this was the coolest thing ever.  A door to a new kind of freedom opened up on that first drive and life was never the same.  Today is that day for him.

I have to admit though, I’m worried.  The statistics are sobering when it comes to teenage driving.  I hate to be Debbie Downer on such a special day in his life, but here are just a few I came across, from http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-teen-driving#

1. 33 percent of deaths among 13 to 19-year-olds in 2010 occurred in motor vehicle crashes.
2. 16-year-olds have higher crash rates than drivers of any other age and in their first year of driving, 1 in 5 16-year old drivers has an accident.
3. 56 percent of teens said they talk on the phone while driving and talking on the phone can double the likelihood of an accident.
4. Statistics show that 16 and 17-year-old driver death rates increase with each additional passenger and crash risk for teens increase incrementally with each mile per hour over the speed limit.
5. Only 44 percent of teens said they would definitely speak up if someone were driving in a way that scared them.
6. More than 40 percent of teen auto deaths occur between the hours of 9 p.m. and 6 a.m.

So Brandon, if you are reading this, here’s what I want to tell you. My concern for you as a new driver is not because I don’t think you’re a good driver, I do.  It’s because I’ve been there.  I’ve been in high school and I know what goes on.  I’ve seen serious car accidents and have been in them myself.  I’ve seen the drinking and driving and the car loads of kids with the music so loud you couldn’t hear yourself think.  I’ve ridden with friends who terrified me with their driving and I never said a word.  And I didn’t even have to deal with cell phones and texting.  Something that has become such an ingrained part of our life, it’s hard for even adults to stop doing it.  I’ve witnessed the speeding and goofing off and know what can happen even if YOU are doing everything right.  But mostly, my concern is because I’m your mom.  Because I love you.  You and Catie are the most precious things in my life.  Because I don’t ever want to live a day without you in it.  It’s hard for me to watch you grow up but I know I must.  I get a little sad, but also very proud, each time I cross something off my list of things you no longer need me for.  I’m going to miss the one-on-one time I have with you when I’m driving you places, as that seem to be the only time we really get to talk, but I know there are new adventures ahead for us and new memories to be made.

So enjoy this right of passage, but as you navigate through tough choices as a new driver, always remember I’m here for you.   Your dad and I will pick you up anytime, anywhere, no questions asked.  You are lucky to have an abundance of amazing aunts and uncles who are much cooler than I am and can keep a secret as well.  Use them.  Most importantly, have fun.  This is the start of some of the best days of your life.  And I hope no matter where you are, you’ll hear my voice whispering those three important words…use your blinker!!

I spent time with a friend recently who was extremely hurt by unkind comments made by someone about her.  The person saying the hurtful things wasn’t considered a friend, per say, but more of a close acquaintance in which no ill feelings were thought to exist.  My heart ached for my friend because I could see the profound impact the harsh words had on her.

We’ve all been there.  Heard something someone has said about us and felt the fire in our belly or the sting of tears as we try to make sense of it.  It might be a close friend, a co-worker, an acquaintance whom we exchange polite conversation with in the community, or even a family member.   No matter who it is, if we are not expecting it, the hurt is the same.  It’s painful.  We take it very personally, and why wouldn’t we?!  They are talking about us!  Strangely enough though, it’s really not personal.  Most of the time, what people say about you is a reflection of them, not you. 

Sadly, we’ve also all been THAT person.  The person that says something callous about someone thinking it will never get back (but it always does), or saying something hoping it will get back so someone else can do our dirty work.  Maybe our words are said in a flash of anger, in a fit of jealousy, or even after one too many drinks.  Whatever the reason, once words are spoken, they can never be taken back.  People may forgive you, but they will never forget how you made them feel.  I can’t tell you how many times I have hurled angry, hurtful words in the heat of a moment and regretted them as soon as they left my lips.  Sometimes spoken directly to the person I’m upset with, while sometimes spoken behind their back.  Either way, once said, they could not be retrieved and the damage was done.  In retrospect, most of my “reasons” for talking about someone stemmed from my own jealousy and insecurity.  It really wasn't "personal".

This year I’ve been using an image I got off Pinterest with my students…

Secretly, I’ve been using it myself as well.  I have this framed in my office and have glanced at it many times while I’ve been on the phone or talking with someone.  I’m amazed at how many times it has stopped me from saying something that was not true, not helpful, not inspiring, not necessary, or just not kind.  As you can imagine, I’ve had to stay silent quite a bit!

The bottom line is this…whether it’s a 6 year-old student crying over another child calling them ugly, or a 56 year-old friend crying over gossip, rumors and hurtful words, the lesson is the same.  Realize the power your words have and remember they can never be reclaimed.  What you say lightheartedly to a group of people, can have lasting effects on the person you are talking about.  Treat others the way you want to be treated and if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.  Most importantly, THINK before you speak.  It’s a lesson we can all benefit from.

I have been fortunate enough to have made a lot of great friends in my lifetime… a diverse assortment of wonderful characters filling up the pages of the book of my life.  Whether a friend is only in one chapter, or if they have shown up in many chapters along the way, each one holds a very special place in my heart.  Even friends I no longer keep in touch with, or only knew for a short time, play an important role in my own life story.

There was a time when I needed an abundance of friends.  I made it a priority to keep in touch with lots of people, to reach out, to plan things, to spend time.  My husband and I were constantly with friends…trips, nights out, house parties, cookouts, events of some sort.  Then life happened.  Our kids grew up and had busy, active lives outside of us.  Work demands grew.  Money was tight.  Life responsibilities created more stress.  Marriages were splitting up.  Parents were dying.  Friends were moving.  What once seemed to be an easy task of keeping in touch became hard.  And we were all changing.

In the last few years, I’ve started taking a hard look at my friendships.  I was not so much interested in the quantity of my friends any longer, but in the quality of the friendships.  I didn’t care about being cool, or exciting, or perfect anymore.  What I did care about was surrounding myself with people who lift me up, who support me, who make time for me, who bring out the best in me, who make me feel cherished.  Friends who are in my corner no matter what, even if my interests are far from interesting to them...they are my biggest cheerleader.  Friends who accept my faults as part of who I am, but also don’t hesitate to call me out when I’m not being the best me.  Friends who are not jealous, judgmental, or selfish.  Friends who have substance.  It’s quite a list…do friends like this even exist? 

Yes, they do, and I have some of the best of them.  Not a lot, but enough for me.  The most eye opening aspect of taking this inventory of my friendships was to realize what a poor friend I had been to some people over the years.  Friends I was jealous of, friends I didn’t support when they needed me, friends I didn’t make time for.  Some of those people are long gone, but others are still in my life and that thankfully gives me a second chance to work on BEING the kind of friend I want to have. 

Sadly though, as we take this inventory, most of us will notice toxic friends in our life.  People who may have the best intentions, but they complicate your life.  Being their friend is just exhausting.  It sucks the life out of you.  I came across a great blog post about toxic friends written by Angel from the blog Marc and Angel Hack Life.  The full post is here  http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/04/16/10-signs-your-friend-is-toxic/#more-530 but in the article she offered 10 signs you may be in a toxic friendship.

What Toxic Friends Do

1. They drain you. – You feel psychologically and emotionally depleted after spending time with them, instead of uplifted. 
2. They are unsupportive. – You’re afraid to tell them about new, important aspects of your life because they’ve been unsupportive or downright rude about your ideas in the past.
3. They are up to no good. – They regularly partake in activities that are morally unjust.
4. Their values and interests are opposite to your own. – Dissimilar value systems often mix like oil and water.  This doesn’t necessarily mean the other person is wrong, it just means they aren’t right for you.
5. They are unreliable. – They always break their promises.
6. They only contact you when they need something. – Otherwise you never hear from them.
7. They aren’t meeting you halfway. – If you are always the one calling your friend to make plans and going out of your way to be with them, but they never return the favor and attempt to go out of her way for you, there’s a problem.
8. They are jealous of you. – Jealousy is:  “I want what you have and I want to take it away from you.”
9. They have zero ambition. – Beware; a lack of ambition can be contagious.  As the saying goes, “You can't soar like an eagle if you're hanging out with turkeys."
10. They constantly drive you to moments of insanity. – You catch yourself daydreaming about how good it would feel to throw a banana cream pie in their face!

Sometimes this friend is a bully and you’re fearful to confront the behavior.  Sometimes it’s a family member and you have no way of escaping the behavior.  And sometimes it’s just a friend that has been in your life forever and you’ve accepted this way of being treated.  Maybe YOU are the toxic friend yourself.  I certainly have been and it’s not something I’m proud of.  Bottom line is, you attract certain types of people in your life by your own behavior and your own idea of your self-worth.  To attract quality friendships, you must be willing to put the effort in to being a quality friend yourself.  If you don’t think you deserve better than “toxic friends”, that’s what you will be left with.

I’m certainly not saying if you have a friend who exhibits one of these traits, you should kick them to the curb.  There is good in all of us.  No one is perfect.  What I am saying, it that you should take a hard look at the kinds of friends you surround yourself with, the kind of friend YOU are being, and that you don’t sell yourself short.  Angel discusses in her blog ways to end toxic friendships if you feel that’s the best choice for you, but sometimes it may be about taking a step back.  Setting boundaries so these friends don’t deplete all your energy.  Putting you first and learning how to stand up for yourself.  Remember though, there are many loving, kind, unselfish, compassionate people out there.  You may have to step outside your comfort zone to find them, but you will be so happy you did.  Life is short.  Time is precious.  Each day is a gift.  Spend your days with people who make you happy and leave the drama to someone else.  It’s been said you become like the five people you spend the most time with.  Have you chosen carefully?

4/16…that’s all you have to say around here.  Those numbers speak for themselves.  You remember EXACTLY where you were on that day, EXACTLY what you were doing, and the images from that horrific day are etched in your memory forever.  I was lucky.  My frantic phone calls to loved ones, even those on campus, ended with an answer.  I remember reading one of the first responders expressing the desperation he felt as he numbly walked through the carnage that day and heard the victims’ cell phones ringing, and saw “mom” or “daddy” on the displays.

Our public schools were closed for almost a week.  I would sit in front of the TV for hours watching the news and just weep.  My husband would beg for me to stop but I couldn’t.  It was like I was watching the latest box office Hollywood movie and I was waiting for the ending.  Waiting to see that everything worked out, waiting to see this was not real, waiting for a happy ending.  I didn’t get one.

Virginia Tech is as much a part of me as my arms or legs…something I never even think about because I’ve never lived a day without it.  I was born in Blacksburg, spent my childhood in Blacksburg, graduated from Blacksburg High School, graduated from Virginia Tech, and now I raise my own family in Blacksburg.  And I’m not the only one.  This alone shows the kind of community I live in.  My grandfather graduated from Virginia Tech.  My father received three degrees from Virginia Tech, worked in numerous departments and eventually retired as one of the Vice Presidents.  My brother and younger sister both received two degrees from Virginia Tech, and my husband is a graduate as well.  My brother was a Beta Theta Pi on campus and my sister and I were both Kappa Deltas.  It’s in our blood.  My childhood involved watching fireworks on the Drillfield every 4th of July, bowling at Squires, ice skating on the Duck Pond, church at War Memorial and $2 tickets to football games where we would all meet in Section 2 and hang out.  I graduated from high school in Burruss Hall, and as a student, I worked all over campus, including Donaldson Brown, the Copy Center, and the Corporate Research Center when it was only one building!  And now I raise my family here.  It has become an ingrained part of who my children are as well.

So where am I going with this post?  I’m not sure myself.  I could talk about gun control, school violence, or support for the mentally ill.  Or I could get more personal.  I could talk about what it was like to be on lock down in my own elementary school that infamous day.  To watch the faces of students who had parents working on campus and pray they were safe.  To be amazed by the professionalism of our staff as they continued with their teaching while they awaited answers about the fate of their own families.  I could talk about the terror of every lock down since, including this past Friday when there was a school shooting at the satellite campus of New River Community College at our local mall.  I could write about the unfairness of hearing kids who have been brought in from the playground asking so nonchalantly, “Are we on lock down?”  I could criticize the world we live in for making part of my job description to see how many students I can fit in a classroom bathroom…just.in.case.

But I can’t.  Not today.  Today I’m just going to remember.  Remember those 32 beautiful souls lost that day.  Remember their families and friends.  Remember the first responders who had to witness the horror in person that day.  Remember the faculty, staff, and students of Virginia Tech who each have their own sad story to tell.  Remember the Town of Blacksburg and the whole New River Valley, as we all had a connection in some way to the horrific events that day.  And even remember the family of the killer.  As I know nothing about them or their life since that day in 2007, I imagine they have experienced an unimaginable grief as well, just as any parent would.  I’m just going to remember, and I hope you will remember too.

Gratitude is defined as an emotion expressing appreciation for what one has.  Studies show that people who count their blessings rather than count their problems, increase their level of happiness and well being.  Focusing on what’s good in our day is shown to strengthen relationships, improve health, and reduce stress. 

I feel very blessed in my own life and I TRY to be thankful each day.  Over the years I’ve kept a gratitude journal and although have not used it consistently, I’ve tried to be intentional about focusing on the positive aspects to my day.  Some years I’ve done better than others.  Keeping a journal is just one way to practice gratitude, because like most emotions, it’s similar to a muscle.  The more you use it, the stronger it becomes.

Here’s an example of what I wrote in my journal yesterday.  I try and be specific to the day rather than just writing “kids, health, shelter, etc.” but whatever works for you.

1.        My daughter had a minor surgery yesterday on her mouth.  Although minor, I always get nervous when my kids get put to sleep, so I was very thankful she got through the surgery with no complications.

2.       While Catie was in her surgery, I sat outside in the sunlight rather than sitting in the waiting room.  The surgery took a little over an hour so I was out there for a while.  There was no place to sit so I just sat on the sidewalk next to the parking lot.  While I was there, two people stopped to check on me.  A man stopped the first time and asked if I was ok.  He said his son was worried I had fallen or was sick.  I explained I was just waiting on my daughter to come out of surgery and I was fine.  A bit later, a woman stopped and asked if I needed a ride or to use her phone.  Again, I explained I was fine.  But I was very thankful for kind people who aren’t embarrassed or afraid to stop and check on someone.

3.       After we got home from the surgery and I got Catie settled in to sleep for a while, I set up a chair outside and got to sit quietly in the sun for a whole hour.  I brought my headphones out to listen to music but once I got there, I just wanted quiet.  I felt the sun on my face, listened to the birds, rubbed Bella’s belly and was very grateful for that uninterrupted hour of absolutely nothing.

4.       I was thankful for the amazing dinner my husband fixed for us and the fact he also cleaned up afterwards because I wasn’t feeling great.

5.       I was thankful for the 30 minutes the kids and I were piled on my bed with old pictures laughing and reminiscing about them as babies and toddlers.

Most of us are pretty good about FEELING blessed, but are we as good about SPEAKING of our gratitude.  This is where I fall short.  I am thankful and appreciative for so many people in my life, but I seldom take the time to tell them.  Last year I started mailing a handwritten note or card once a week to someone, telling them thank you for something they had done for me or just letting them know I appreciated their friendship or was thinking of them.  It could be a friend, a family member, or a co-worker.  I was amazed how much it meant to people.  I got the sweetest responses!  One friend even told me she kept my card in her purse and she looked at it often.  For some reason, I stopped doing this, but I’m committed to begin again. 

I have a good friend who may not be as good at counting her own blessings, but she does a phenomenal job of speaking of her gratitude of others.  She is always writing a thank you card, or buying someone a small token of appreciation for something they helped her with.  Every time she does it, I think “why didn’t I think of that?!”  So, I decided to spend the last few days, not just being thankful, but SPEAKING of my gratitude.  Instead of just feeling thankful for Catie’s successful surgery, I wrote the doctor’s office a thank you note.  I sent my husband a random text telling him how much I appreciate how hard he works to support our family.  I feel this way, but I never tell him.  I called an old friend and left a long message letting her know how much her friendship meant to me during the death of my dad.  I told my son how much I appreciate the effort he is putting into school these days, and just this morning told my daughter how grateful I was for the smoothie she made me (and she even used skim milk knowing I was trying to be healthier!)  I sent a coworker an email thanking her for all her help at work and I went out of my way to tell a student how much I appreciate the smile she gives me every single day.

The result…it works!  I read somewhere that expression of gratitude to others increases levels of energy, optimism and empathy and I believe it.  The sincere, heartfelt responses I got from those who I showed my gratitude to, made it all worth it.  So, thank YOU for reading my blog and for those of you who are brave enough to comment or share it with others.  I sincerely appreciate it.  YOU will be in my journal tonight as my number one thing to be grateful for today.  I would love to hear about the ways you speak of your gratitude!  Remember, even on a bad day, there is always something to be thankful for!

Raise your hand if you over-think things.  Raise your hand if you wish there was a switch in which you could turn your thoughts on and off.  Raise your hand if you over-think your over-thinking.  If you didn’t raise your hand, go directly to the comment section and share your strategies!!  Seriously!  I want to hear them.

If you’re still reading, it means you’re like me, relentlessly trying to find a way to silence the constant chatter in my head.  Sometimes it’s important chatter, things that are serious to me or have me upset or worried.  In those times, I over-think the most, over-analyze, rehash, try to put the pieces together to make things make sense, even obsess.  My over-thinking tends to create problems that weren’t even there to begin with. 

Most of the time it’s a mental list of all the things I need to do, errands I need to run,  projects I thought would be finished by now, commitments I made to other people, carpool plans, kids’ schedules, work deadlines, and things I forgot to do. 

And sometimes it’s just plain ridiculous.  It goes something like this.  I sit down to “meditate” for a minute (because I hear that’s really good for this).  A bee buzzes by…I wonder if bees really die when they sting you…I remember a time Brandon got stung by a bee and how painful it was…Ouch, I’ve got a pain in my foot right now… reach down to rub the pain and notice my shoes… I hate these shoes, why did I wear them… I seriously need to clean out the shoes in my closet…wait, I still have that shirt I borrowed from Allison in my closet that I never returned…Allison, crap, I was supposed to call her back an hour ago…I bet she was calling about picking Catie up from school…Damn, I was supposed to make Catie a dentist appointment…actually, I need to make myself a doctor appointment…well first I need to shave my legs…I wonder if everyone shaves their legs before they go to the doctor of if that’s just weird…I’ll have to ask the next time I go to happy hour…oooh, I could really go for a happy hour…actually I could really go for a whole night out…well definitely not in these shoes! 

“SHUT UP!”  is what I want to say to myself!!!  Quit thinking!!!

So how DO we quiet the mind?  I’m still trying to figure that out, but yoga is one thing helping me.  The first time our instructor told us to quiet our mind, I seriously had no idea what I was supposed to do!  I spent the whole time overanalyzing what exactly I was supposed to be thinking about if I wasn’t supposed to be thinking!  How can you not think about anything?  Again Paige, SHUT UP!!  So that’s what I did.  I started focusing on the quiet music he was playing or the sound of my breath.  I became present in THAT moment, whatever that might be.  I realized the more I tried to “force” thoughts out of my mind, the less luck I had.   So if I thought came in, I’d just tell myself not now, and do my best to focus on the silence.  It gets a little easier each week, but it is still extremely hard for me.  I’m not used to silence.  I have a huge imagination and a curious mind.  I have a passion for details and although it’s been construed as being nosy at times, it’s not.  I’m sincerely interested in the small details of someone’s life.  All of those qualities come in handy for my job, but in my personal life it’s exhausting.

So, I’ve been telling myself to HUSH UP (seems nicer) when I start to think too much and I just STOP.  May not last as long as I would like it to, but it does work.  How do you silence your mind?  What strategies help you stop over thinking and obsessing?  I would love to hear your thoughts!  And if you don’t comment, I’ll just over think why no one responded and you’ll make my problem worse!  Of course I’m kidding!  Well, kind of. (Insert winky face!)

I’ve introduced our stray cat, Sadie, in previous posts.  I admit to knowing nothing about cats.  Neither my husband nor I have ever had one as a pet, but I feel 100% certain she was someone’s pet before she came to us.  She stays outside the majority of the time, but occasionally I will let her in to lay in the bed with me.  She runs straight for the bed and snuggles up so close.  If you move an inch, she moves with you.  She wants to be touching you at all times.  The other night we were lying there together and she rolled on her back for me to rub her belly (her favorite!) and I began to think.  Who rubbed your belly before me?  Where did you come from?  Is someone missing you?  What have you been through?  What’s your story?

Sadly, cats can’t talk, but we can.  Each of us has a story to tell, a lesson to teach, wisdom to share.  Everyone has gone through something that has changed them.  It might be a painful past of heartbreak, abuse, poverty, or grief that’s hidden behind a smile, strength, or financial success.  Or, it could be a happy past of family, love, and confidence, now hidden behind drugs, abuse, or addiction of any sort.  We tend to judge people by outward appearance, even though we claim not to.  We judge people by their beauty, their weight, their financial success, their job, their kids, and how they “appear” to us.  But there is so much more to each of us. If we take the time to really listen, take the time to truly get to know each other, we can learn so much.  How many times have we “not liked” someone, and then circumstances forced us to spend time together, and we realized we actually really like the person.  We heard parts of “their story” and we could relate.  We judge someone for being unfriendly and cold, only later to realize the abuse they endured as a child.  We judge someone for being overprotective of their children, not knowing they lost a child in an accident.  We judge someone who declines a glass of wine with us, having no idea they were an alcoholic for 10 years and lost everything.  We judge friends for being stingy with their money, never being told they grew up in poverty with no running water.  We judge the homeless man for being a loser and little do we know he served 20 years in our military for our freedom.  We judge the young pregnant teenager for her stupid choices, never even considering she was raped.  We judge the mentally ill as if their illness was a choice and the substance abuser who lost their family in a fire for how they cope.

I love to hear people’s stories and I never cease to be fascinated and mesmerized.  I often watch people and wonder about their story.  I wonder about the sales clerk at a store who is being rude to me…did she have a fight with her husband this morning?  I wonder about the parent on my kid’s sports team who seem extremely angry…did he just find out his parent is dying?   Did the driver who had road rage on me just get fired from his job?  I even wonder about my own friends.  I’m not naive enough to believe I even come close to knowing their stories either. Is the friend who is being distant having marriage problems?  Is the friend who never responds to invitations struggling to pay their bills?  Is the friend who seems happy, really battling depression?   I also wonder about the tough kids I work with.  Did they see their mom being abused before they came to school?  Did they see their dad taken away to jail last night?  Did they have food to eat?  Did they have to move for the 5th time this year?  Even kids have a story and their story is worth listening to as well.

I think it should be required in our lifetime, that each of us writes our life story.  No story is boring and every story is equally important and unique.  I would read as many as I could.  I’m sure our stories would leave us laughing, crying, shocked, amazed, and maybe even occasionally disappointed.  But what a gift to give to each other.   Think about someone’s story before you judge and be patient with the faults of others, as we all want others to be patient with ours.  Take time to listen to someone’s story this week or be brave and share your story…you could be the difference in someone’s life.  Let me know what you learn…I bet you’ll be amazed!

I'm a planner.  Not so much with my friends, but when it comes to me, my family, and my job, I like to plan.  I also like to see my
plans.  I haven't even brought myself to put my calendar in my phone because I like to see the whole month laid out, color coordinated by person.  I love excel spreadsheets, to-do lists and even the occasional sticker chart for myself to see how my plans are going.  But herein lies my problem…the follow through.

A typical day for me looks something like this…

PLAN to wake up 30 minutes early so I can get 20 minutes in on the treadmill and not be rushed getting us all out the door. 
REALITY…Hit snooze three times, wake up 30 minutes late, and rush out of the house in a tizzy, frustrated with everyone.

PLAN to eat a nutritional breakfast at home before I leave. 
REALITY…(see #1) go through Chick-Fil-A

PLAN to have a positive attitude and lots of patience for the kiddos. 
REALITY…my breakfast duty does me in.

PLAN to pack healthy snacks for the day. 
REALITY…(see #1) parent brings cupcakes for Johnny’s birthday and cafeteria makes too many cinnamon rolls so I eat them as to avoid hurting anyone’s feeling for refusing(ok, so that’s not really why I ate them!)

PLAN to check 5 things off on my work To-Do list. 
REALITY…a parent calls, two kids get in an argument, we have a fire drill, Jane is sad because Susie has a new best friend, so I add something to my To-Do list I’ve already done so I can enjoy that wonderful feeling of marking through it with my red sharpie!

PLAN to bring a healthy lunch. 
REALITY…(see #1) eat steak and gravy and a roll from the cafeteria.

PLAN to drink four bottles of water at work. 
REALITY…get a caffeine headache and grab a Diet Dr. Pepper from the drink machine.

PLAN to go to the gym after work. 
REALITY…friend calls for happy hour.  Tell her I have to work out.  Haha, just kidding.  Go to happy hour.

PLAN to walk the dog when I get home. 
REALITY…too cold.

PLAN to use one of the 100 crockpot recipes I’ve pinned on Pinterest for dinner.  REALITY…(see #1) forgot.

PLAN to do 1-2 loads of laundry every night to keep up. 
REALITY…too tired.

PLAN to wash my face with the 43 different products I have bought to ease the aging process. 
REALITY…who cares.

PLAN to get 7-8 hours of sleep so I can get up 30 minutes earlier! 
REALITY…lay in bed feeling like a big, fat loser because all my planning resulted in a bunch of nothing.  So, I’m still awake at midnight planning how I can eat less, exercise more, be more productive at work, keep up with the house better, drink more water, spend more time with the dog, look younger, and get my beauty sleep.  

Shew.   The truth is, if I put half the time into DOING as I do PLANNING, I’d accomplish
more in a day than I do in a week!  Planning is necessary, but achieving is what makes each of us feel proud and why we even plan in the first place. Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and start acting!  That's hard for me.  I'm a thinker.  Actually, an overthinker.  I believe my need to plan probably goes hand in hand with my worrying (see Don't Worry...Be Happy post).  Planning make me feel like I have some control and, in all honesty, it's much less scary to plan than it is to actually do.  But I'm ready to change that. So that’s my plan on this April 1…less talk and more action!  What do you need to stop planning for and just start doing? What’s holding you back?