I have this “friend”. I tell her everything. Recently though, I’m realizing she is not a very good friend. In fact, she’s the worst friend I have. Here is a sampling of some of our conversations…
Me: I lost a pound this week.
Friend: A pound? Seriously? You’ve been drinking spinach like someone is paying you by the leaf and getting up at some ungodly hour every morning to work out and you only lost one pound??? That sucks! I’d give up on that!
Me: I forgot the one paper I needed for my meeting today.
Friend: How can you be so stupid and forget that?!
Me: Catie didn’t have what she needed clean for volleyball this morning. I feel bad.
Friend: You should feel bad! You are lazy and unorganized and you really need to figure out how to get your shit together!! Other working parents get it done…why can’t you?
Me: How do I look? (after getting ready for an evening out)
Friend: Tired and old. The 40’s have seriously not been kind to you. I’d ask for a do-over.
I know what you’re thinking. You are thinking why in the world would I have a friend like this and why would I ever let someone speak to me this way. I’m wondering the same thing.
The saddest part of this story is that this “friend” is me.
If you follow LimitlessLessons on Facebook you know I post a lot of quotes. Some have a very personal meaning to me, others I just love the message, while a handful stick with me and speak to me in a very profound way. This one stuck with me…
Me: I lost a pound this week.
Friend: A pound? Seriously? You’ve been drinking spinach like someone is paying you by the leaf and getting up at some ungodly hour every morning to work out and you only lost one pound??? That sucks! I’d give up on that!
Me: I forgot the one paper I needed for my meeting today.
Friend: How can you be so stupid and forget that?!
Me: Catie didn’t have what she needed clean for volleyball this morning. I feel bad.
Friend: You should feel bad! You are lazy and unorganized and you really need to figure out how to get your shit together!! Other working parents get it done…why can’t you?
Me: How do I look? (after getting ready for an evening out)
Friend: Tired and old. The 40’s have seriously not been kind to you. I’d ask for a do-over.
I know what you’re thinking. You are thinking why in the world would I have a friend like this and why would I ever let someone speak to me this way. I’m wondering the same thing.
The saddest part of this story is that this “friend” is me.
If you follow LimitlessLessons on Facebook you know I post a lot of quotes. Some have a very personal meaning to me, others I just love the message, while a handful stick with me and speak to me in a very profound way. This one stuck with me…
It’s a simple quote but I couldn’t get it out of my head. As those who know me are well aware, I think A LOT. I have been known to create stories in my head that could win an Academy Award. I tend to think I know what others are thinking and feeling when in reality I have no idea. I have a hard time having relationships with people who don’t communicate well because if you don’t tell me what you are thinking or feeling, I’ll just make it up in my own head.
I’ve actually gotten much better about this, but what I have not gotten better about, is how I talk to myself. I would never tolerate anyone else talking to me the way I talk to myself sometimes. If someone spoke to my child or mother or best friend the way I speak to myself, I’d be outraged. So why is it ok for us to treat ourselves in ways we would never allow others to treat us?
It’s not. And I know I’m not alone out there.
Throughout the day, our thoughts race at a hundred miles an hour, jumping uncontrollably from one self-diminishing thought to the next without consciously registering as such. If someone else was to put us down, our senses would immediately awaken and we would probably defend ourselves. However, there is no such self-defense mechanism with negative self-talk. All this negativity is blindly absorbed and becomes that much more toxic to our lives and particularly the relationship we have with ourselves.
What are the unsupportive thoughts you hear playing on repeat in your mind right now? What self-defeating, abusive and limiting statement is your brain trying to convince you (or have convinced you) to be true? Here are some of the more common ones…
I’m not good enough.
I’m ugly.
I’m too fat/tall/short/young/old.
I’m stupid.
He/she’ll never love me.
I am not lovable.
I am a bad parent.
I am a horrible person.
There is something wrong with me.
I never have enough time.
I don’t deserve …
I can’t …
Again, Don’t believe everything you think.
So how do we change this? The first step is to be aware…really pay attention to the internal voice you communicate with. Take note of every time you say something negative to yourself. I think you’ll be surprised how often it is. Next, start to counter those thoughts with the reverence you would give your best friend. Speak to yourself
with kindness and love. Be the kind of friend to yourself you want others to be to you.
Remember, you teach others how to treat you so treat yourself with all the respect, love, and compassion you deserve! If you don’t, who will?
I’ve actually gotten much better about this, but what I have not gotten better about, is how I talk to myself. I would never tolerate anyone else talking to me the way I talk to myself sometimes. If someone spoke to my child or mother or best friend the way I speak to myself, I’d be outraged. So why is it ok for us to treat ourselves in ways we would never allow others to treat us?
It’s not. And I know I’m not alone out there.
Throughout the day, our thoughts race at a hundred miles an hour, jumping uncontrollably from one self-diminishing thought to the next without consciously registering as such. If someone else was to put us down, our senses would immediately awaken and we would probably defend ourselves. However, there is no such self-defense mechanism with negative self-talk. All this negativity is blindly absorbed and becomes that much more toxic to our lives and particularly the relationship we have with ourselves.
What are the unsupportive thoughts you hear playing on repeat in your mind right now? What self-defeating, abusive and limiting statement is your brain trying to convince you (or have convinced you) to be true? Here are some of the more common ones…
I’m not good enough.
I’m ugly.
I’m too fat/tall/short/young/old.
I’m stupid.
He/she’ll never love me.
I am not lovable.
I am a bad parent.
I am a horrible person.
There is something wrong with me.
I never have enough time.
I don’t deserve …
I can’t …
Again, Don’t believe everything you think.
So how do we change this? The first step is to be aware…really pay attention to the internal voice you communicate with. Take note of every time you say something negative to yourself. I think you’ll be surprised how often it is. Next, start to counter those thoughts with the reverence you would give your best friend. Speak to yourself
with kindness and love. Be the kind of friend to yourself you want others to be to you.
Remember, you teach others how to treat you so treat yourself with all the respect, love, and compassion you deserve! If you don’t, who will?
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