Everyone has “their” show…for my Dad it was Everybody Loves Raymond.  I can see him like it was yesterday, sitting on the edge of his bed laughing and laughing at that show.  For my husband, it’s The Big Bang Theory.  He watches marathons of it and just cracks up, even if he’s seen the episode many, many times.  For me, it’s The Middle.  I LOVE that show.  It’s the only show I laugh out loud to.  I record it and sometimes watch each episode a couple of times because I always catch something the second time I may have missed the first time around.  The show resonates with me on so many different levels.

The Middle is real. It doesn’t sugarcoat the realities of life and in our world of perfect “facebook families” the Hecks are a breath of fresh air.  I want to be their friend.  I’m still catching up on recorded episodes and I watched one the other day where Frankie (mom) was trying to get a job.  She was complaining to Mike (dad) that she kept getting asked in the interviews the philosophical question of “Who is Frankie Heck?”  She had no idea.  Together they decided “nice” and “hardworking” might be stretching the truth a bit so she asked her three kids to each give a word to describe her…Axl (son #1) came up with lazy, Brick (son #2) chose angry, and Sue (daughter) selected tired.  Frankie got frustrated and walked off and Axl yelled, “We are just trying to help!  You are being ungrateful!”  The other two kids started clapping, nodding their heads saying “ungrateful, great word Axl!”  So Frankie spends the rest of the show trying to figure out who she is.

Frankie, I don’t know who I am either and I hope I never really do.  Because if I can ever precisely define myself, it means I’ve stopped growing and changing.  I’ve been lots of different people throughout the stages of my life, some I’ve liked and some not so much, but they have all made me who I am today.  But here’s what I do know about myself…

I’m a contradiction. I’m the keeper of secrets and the shoulder that soaks up many tears.  I’m the unwelcome voice of reason and the look that makes you look away. I’m passionate, loyal, and trustworthy, but I’m also emotional, sensitive, and stubborn.  I’m a magician that can pull lost things from thin air and a gardener who nurtures, waters, and pulls the weeds of the many relationships I tend to.  I see myself as weak but always find myself to be stronger than I ever imagined possible when I have to be.  I don’t let you in easily, but when I do, you get the whole me…the good, bad, and ugly. I have a temper, but I also have a generous heart.  I’m not a risk taker with anything except relationships and then there’s no risk too great.  I can be inpatient and insecure but also independent and introspective.  I make lots of mistakes and ask for forgiveness. My heart feels like it’s going to burst with all the love and compassion I feel, but at the same time my head feels like it’s going to explode from all the thoughts and worries I ruminate.  I sometimes get so caught up in what I don’t have, I forget what I do have. I’m grateful and spoiled. I’m silly and serious. I’m lazy and busy.  I’m happy and sad.  I’m perfectly imperfect.

But no matter what combination you get of me on a given day, I also know I’m enough. 

And YOU are enough too.   

When my son was a toddler I would throw him these huge birthday parties…his friends, our friends, lots of chaos.  The first year we did this, he spent most of the party hiding under the table and cried when we sang happy birthday.  I thought…what is wrong with you?  You’re being rude to your friends…how can you not be enjoying this?  The second year as he hid under the table I thought…what is wrong with me?  He is obviously not enjoying this at all…is it HIS party or MY party?  We never had any more “birthday parties” after that. He might have a few friends spend the night or out to dinner with the grandparents but parties were a thing of the past.  It was in that moment watching him hiding and truly miserable that the idea of introverts and extroverts began to apply to my life.  I realized I was trying to make my introverted son an extrovert like me and doing all kinds of damage in the process.

I like the way my sister describes it best.  She is a career counselor at a large university.  Her title and responsibilities are much more impressive than that, but that’s her passion.  Helping students find their calling in life and she is very well versed in personality testing. (Go check out her blog!).  She says to think of yourself as an iPod.  You are down to 1% left on your battery and you need to recharge.  Do you recharge by being around lots of people and action (extrovert) or do you recharge in solitude and quiet (introvert)?  

I’ve always been on the extrovert side.  As a child I loved people and parties and being the center of attention.  In high school I was very social and outgoing.  I was a bubbly and energetic cheerleader with no qualms performing at a pep rally in front of the whole school.  I ran for class offices and served on committees and I was always where the party was.  The more the merrier and my social calendar couldn’t be full enough.  In college I felt a tiny shift.  The sorority I was in felt a bit overwhelming at times and I stuck mostly with a small group of friends but I still had a very active social life.  I could small talk with the best of them and be extremely charming when need be.  In my 30’s I felt another shift.  I wasn’t as comfortable around people I didn’t know. Once I got to know someone they would be surprised at how nice I was and easy to talk to because their first impression of me was sometimes stand-offish or even snobbish.  My husband and I still entertained and went out a lot but I found myself hiding in the bathroom at times just to get a breather and regroup. The large groups felt stifling.  I found my large circle of friends dwindling a bit and preferred a smaller group.  I took a personality test at this point and found I was 50/50 introvert versus extrovert.  I was teetering on the line and easily swayed depending on the day or my mood.  I believe I officially made the leap to being an introvert in my 40’s.  Small talk is torture for me, but a one-on-one conversation with the same person becomes meaningful and sincere.  My job requires me to use every ounce of “extrovertism” I have left, so my free time is spent mostly on activities that don’t require company.  I read, write, go the movies, walk.  I crave alone time.  I need quiet because my mind is so loud.  I still do lots of happy hours and socializing but it’s almost always one-on-one or in a small group.  I used to be an open book, but I do much more listening now and much less talking.  

Most of us possess a little bit of each side to us but the research I’ve seen says that extroverts make up anywhere from 50-75% of the population.  I believe that introverts are misunderstood by many.  So, on behalf of introverts everywhere, this is what I want you to know.  I’m definitely not shy, I just don’t always interact for the sake of interacting. When I’m quiet, I’m not mad or upset or depressed or pouting, I’m just listening…and I enjoy that.  I have strong social skills and I enjoy socializing as much as anyone, but when the party is over and my extrovert friends want to keep it going, you will find me home in my pajamas.  It’s not that I didn’t have fun or I don’t enjoy your company because I do, I just need to recharge.  My circle of close friends may seem small to you, but I like it that way. They are made up of people who are loyal, compassionate and sincere.  I do like to have fun!  Sometimes it will be in the same ways my extroverted friends do and other times it may be in ways that seem boring to you.  There will be times you find me on the dance floor with endless energy but there will also be times getting carried away in a good book sounds just as fun. 
Some of my closest friends would be considered extroverts.  We treasure each other for who we are and try not to take personally the things that make us different.  My extroverted friends make sure I don’t become a hermit and lead me outside my comfort zone from time to time, while I rein them in and encourage them to slow down and take time for themselves.  I might even get them to read a book or two!

I don’t know how long this phase of introversion will last for me as I believe you can transition from one to another throughout our many life stages.  Looking back, I’ve probably been more “ambivert” (someone who falls in the middle of the spectrum) than either of the other two, but I also had a misconception that in order to be “fun” you had to be extroverted.  But what I do know, it that today I’m an introvert and I couldn’t be happier.

What about you?  Do you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert or ambivert?  Have you found you’ve transitioned from one to another throughout your life?  I’d love to hear what you think!

I love to express myself through writing.  Although I’m articulate and I have no problem talking to people, I tend to be very reactive. I speak without thinking through my thoughts. 
This can lead to some regrets and a number of embarrassing moments because I can say some pretty stupid stuff!  Writing gives me a chance to ponder my thoughts, to read them through someone else’s eyes, to do on paper what my mind can’t seem to do…to slow down.

I’ve been writing this blog for 5 months now.  I started this blog for various reasons…to share some things I’ve learned through my counseling background and my own life experiences, to see if I like writing as much as I think I do, to challenge myself by doing something totally out of my comfort zone, to test if it was something I would stick with and not give up on, to open up doors with the possibility writing might be part of a
career for me one day, and mainly because I enjoy it.  What I write about isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and each time I post something I debate if I should keep doing this.  Something keeps me at it though.  I often get writer’s block.  Not because I don’t have something to say (I always do!) but because I also decided to stay away from topics that are too personal, too controversial, too heavy. I told myself this was
because I wasn’t ready for the criticism and judgment that comes along with
plunging into topics like these.  But it wasn’t until I started reading a book by Brene Brown called Daring Greatly that I understood the real reason I don’t delve into these hard topics.  I don’t want to be vulnerable.  Not just in this blog, but in life.  

Vulnerable is defined as capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt; capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.  As I write that even I’m thinking…well who in the world WOULD want to be vulnerable?  Brown explains in her book how vulnerability is both the core of difficult emotions like fear, grief, and disappointment and the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, empathy, innovation, and creativity.  She explains that when we shut ourselves off from vulnerability, we distance ourselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.

I want to share an excerpt of the introductory of her book.  It was one of those “aha” moments for me.  I reread it many times hoping her words would seep into my pores.  I find them extremely powerful.  I hope you will too.

Taken from Daring Greatly by Brene Brown:

The phrase Daring Greatly is from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech “Citizenship in a Republic.”  The speech, sometimes referred to as “The Man in the Arena” was delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France on April 23, 1910.  This is the passage that made the speech famous.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

Who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…”

Dr. Brown continues with her thoughts.

The first time I read this quote, I thought, this is vulnerability. Everything I’ve learned from over a decade of research on vulnerability has taught me this exact lesson.  Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging.  It’s being all in.

Vulnerability is not a weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional.  Our only choice is question of engagement.  Our
willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our
courage and clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnect.

When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationship and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.

Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.  We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be – a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation – with courage and willingness to engage.  Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen.  This is vulnerability.  This is daring greatly.

And this is just the first page!  So this is my new motto…I’m daring greatly!  I’m not sure exactly what that’s going to look like, but I have a few ideas. There are some arenas I need to walk into and some places I need to dare to show up.  I need to realize
fear is not going to protect me and perfection is unattainable.  I need to be vulnerable.

If you liked this post, go get her book.  I ordered it through Amazon but I’m sure it’s in any bookstore.  She has also given two TED talks and I’ve attached them here if you want to hear more.  And if you get the book and you want to discuss it through an informal book club, let me know and I’ll set one up on my blog.

While at the beach last week, my friend and I were laying on my bed watching videos of her 8 year-old daughter.  These were videos her daughter made of herself doing everything from writing and singing songs (and very well may I add!) to discussing quite articulately her feelings on many topics.  We laughed and laughed.  It was obvious to me this sweet girl is creative, dramatic, introspective, smart, assertive, confident and clearly she thinks she is fabulous!  When we finished watching one, my friend sighed and said “It makes me sad this will all be gone in a few years.”  I sighed too.  She didn’t have to explain…I knew exactly what she meant.

Within the next few years, this sweet little girl may change.  She may believe being smart is not cool so she will pretend she is not.  She may believe being creative makes her different, so she will hide it.  She may believe assertiveness does not go over well with the boys so she will learn to become passive.  She may see the TV and the magazines and believe that all “pretty girls” come in one size…skinny.  There may come a day when she does not see herself as fabulous anymore, because she will be so focused on her flaws.  Her confidence may turn to doubt.  

I know I’m generalizing here, but I see this phenomenon every day…in my young students, in my own daughter, and even in myself.  In an article on babycenter.com, Chris Woolston says, “Girls usually start off life at full steam. They're the early talkers, the social butterflies, the A students. But somewhere between preschool and middle school, a confusing blend of new social pressures, greater expectations in the classroom, and mixed signals from society (“Do your best – but don’t draw too
much attention to yourself,” “You can be anything you want to be – but looking
pretty is your top priority”) can cause girls to fall behind academically or lose their spark.” Check out an issue of any magazine marketed to women out there and you will be stunned by the mixed signals we are sending our young girls.  Anita Gurian, PhD states in an article on aboutourkids.org that, “Starting in the preteen years, there is a shift in focus; for girls, their appearance and their changing bodies too often become an all-consuming passion and barometer of worth. For an overwhelming majority of girls, self-esteem becomes too closely tied to how they look and their physical attributes; girls feel they can't measure up to unrealistic society standards.”

After watching a couple more videos, my friend looked at me and said “What do I do?  How do I keep her thinking she is fabulous?” She was asking me not only as a counselor, but as a friend and as a mother of a 14 year-old girl.  I wish I had THE answer.  I don’t.  I struggle with this same question.  I do like this list from the Chris Woolston article of things you can do to build your daughter's confidence and resilience for the tricky years ahead:

1. Encourage assertiveness…Teach your daughter to express her needs to adults and stand her ground with her peers. If another child is being mean to her, encourage her to say "I don't like the way you're talking to me."

2. Be specific in your compliments…When you tell your daughter how smart she is, it means much more if you use concrete examples. Tell her "You have a really good memory" or "Boy, you sure know your dinosaurs."

3. Make your praise match reality…A third-grader will know that she's not a musical genius or the best artist on the planet, but she'll appreciate it if you notice her improvement from one month to the next.

4. Help her understand why she sometimes gets left out…Explain to your daughter that if she isn't invited to every birthday party or to join every jump-rope game (and she won't be), it's not meant to be an insult. Explain that when another child says "You can't be my friend," it probably has more to do with that child's bad mood than it does with your daughter.

5. Encourage competence…Don't be too quick to help your daughter with homework or chores. If she asks for help, ask her to try working through it for a couple more minutes on her own first.

6. Encourage her to play sports if she wants to…Girls have more sporty options than ever before. If she wants to do gymnastics or play football, give her a chance to get in the game and find out what she's capable of. Don't decide which sports are right for her – she can figure it out herself.

7. Don't make assumptions about her strengths and weaknesses…Just because your child is a girl doesn't mean she'll struggle with fractions – or that she'll ace reading tests. It also doesn't mean she won't want to go fishing or try out for Little League. Follow her cues to best nurture her strengths and work on improving her weaknesses.

8. Encourage a healthy body image…When she asks the inevitable "Am I pretty?" answer her with an enthusiastic yes. When you praise her appearance, try to highlight her actions, too: "You looked so graceful at gymnastics today" or "Your eyes really shone on the stage.”  It can also be helpful for older girls to hear that models in magazines don't look like real girls or women and that their photographs are altered to make them look thinner and more flawless than they actually are.

9. Prepare her for sexism…Even today, some people think that girls can't do some things that boys can. If you notice your daughter watching TV shows or movies where girls stay in the background while boys save the day, point it out and talk to her about how different things are in the real world.

10. Point out positive female role models…Take every opportunity, when you're watching the news or reading the paper, to show your daughter that women - senators, sportscasters, doctors, athletes – can do anything.  Reading books with strong female characters is one of the best ways to get the idea across without
lecturing. If you can't think of enough books like that, ask a librarian – they often have lists of books to choose from and can make recommendations.

Do you agree with his list? What would you add?  What’s worked for you?  Check out this video from The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty...

I am so thrilled to be spending this week at the beach with two of my best friends from college.  It has been much too long.  I have seen them each individually over the years but the last time we were all three together was 10 years ago at my dad’s funeral.  The last time we did a girls’ only trip was probably for one of our bachelorette parties 20 years ago.  Like I said, it’s been much too long.  Someone asked me if I was nervous about the trip since it has been many years since we have all been together.  I was a little surprised because it never even occurred to me to be nervous.  I’ve been way too busy being ridiculously excited! 

I met Mary Beth and Kari in college.  We were all pledging Kappa Delta sorority and became fast and forever friends.  (Picture is from a sorority formal!)  They were bridesmaids in my wedding, and I in theirs.  Much has happened in each of our lives since those days and I’m not sure if any of us would have predicted where we would be in life some 20 years later…many blessings and much happiness, but also plenty of disappointments and buckets of tears.  As many friends do, we have gone through periods of losing touch, sometimes even for years.  But as all true friends do, once we get back in touch, we pick up right where we left off. The friendship is familiar, supportive, comfortable, and easy.

When I think about my friends, I think about the saying…Make new friends but keep the old, for one is silver and the other is gold.  All of my friends are priceless to me and they each hold a special place in my heart. They each fulfill a unique need in my life as well.  Some I call when I need a good listener.  Some I call when I need a good laugh.  Some share a love of movies with me, while others share my love of books.  Some I call when I want to be philosophical and deep, while other times I want a different friend because I know it will never get philosophical and deep!  Some know the ins and outs of my day and love my kids as their own, while others do not really know my kids
at all, but know me in a way my current friends do not, because they grew up with me.  Some I talk work with, while others may not even know what I do for a living, because our common ground is something much different.  Some know me from the inside out, while others just know what they see. I need them all though.  They each serve a purpose.

While I could not survive without my current friends, I feel a connection to my
childhood/college friends that can never be replaced.  They know ME. Many don’t
know me as a wife or as a mother, they knew me at a time when my only identity
was just Paige.  I miss that sometimes.  Research shows that remembering happy times from your past is a great way to boost your happiness in the present.  Maintaining friendships from all stages of your life can have a real effect on your current happiness.  But let’s get real, it’s hard to do.  I’ve done a terrible job.  I can barely carve out time for a lunch date with my mom who lives in the same town! 
This is why this trip is so important to me.  It’s non-negotiable.  No matter what came up last minute with my family, this trip was non-negotiable and they respected that.  I need to do this more often.  My high school friends and I are in the preliminary talks of trying to find a weekend to get together.  We have not all been together for 20 years either.  My wedding was the last time I saw some of them.  I’ve already decided, that trip will be non-negotiable also.  If it’s  planned, I will be there.

So five days at the beach with two of my best friends!  How lucky am I?  And I’m
packing light…I’ve got a beach chair, a bathing suit, bottles of wine and portable wine glasses for the beach…what more do old friends need?!

You will never hear me described as tall or athletic or skinny or probably even beautiful.  You will more likely hear words like short or curvy or stocky or cute.  And I’m ok with that.  That is until I get around tall, athletic, skinny, beautiful women and then I fall into the trap…the comparison trap.

A friend of mine sent me a devotional she received from Proverbs 31 Ministries with an encouraging note today.  It was a devotional written by Lysa TerKeurst that started out this way…

“Comparisons stink. They do.

Just when I think I've gotten to a good place in some area of my life, along comes someone or something that seems better in comparison. And my confidence shrinks back, takes the hand of doubt, and starts ransacking the peace right out of my heart and mind.

I know deep down that God can and will use everything for good in my life, even my areas of vulnerability. But honest to goodness, it's hard on a girl's heart.”

It is hard on a girl’s heart.  If it’s not our bodies we are comparing, it’s our marriages, our jobs, our kids, our houses, our friends, our fitness, and the overall “fun” we are having in our life.  It’s always been this way, but I think social media exacerbates the problem.  We look on sites like Facebook and we “see” people with passionate marriages, successful kids, great jobs, lots of friends, running weekly marathons, and seemingly having the time of their lives.  Then it starts…the comparison.  We compare this façade (which is all it is) to our actual, real lives and things that seemed “ok”, now don’t seem so great.  Although making comparisons is very normal, as it is often how we gauge our progress and how we figure out the bar in the first place, it is rarely helpful.

Most of our comparing is based on an observation, nothing more.  We do not have all the information we need to make an accurate comparison.  If we did, we would most likely find that what we observe to be far from the truth.  When you compare, you will most likely fall short in your own mind because there is always someone or something “better” than you in any given area.  You will always find someone who is fitter, prettier, busier, smarter… but don’t mistake this for happier.  Comparing teaches us a “you versus me” mentality that leads people, especially women, to be pitted against each other rather than being supportive and nurturing.  Comparison leads to low self esteem, depression and does nothing but damage relationships, especially your relationship with yourself.  When we are full of love for ourselves, we have no need to compare. 

So from me to you (and from me to me)…if you must compare, don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to the person you were yesterday.  Be the best YOU can be.  Your unique look, one-of-a-kind personality, and distinctive heart distinguish you from all the others and that’s how God intended it to be.  So much precious time is wasted comparing ourselves to others.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses and it’s only when you accept everything you are – and aren’t - that you will feel successful.  Everyone’s journey is unique.  Theodore Roosevelt said it best when he said “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  So right now…right this very minute…I challenge you to commit to taking your joy back.  There is no such thing as perfection.   Quit asking what’s “wrong” with me and start focusing on what’s “right” with you, because I know there is plenty.  Roosevelt also said "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."  So simple, yet so profound.  For me,that’s the very best any of us can do, wouldn't you agree?

  I was talking with a co-worker recently about some things going on in her personal life.  As we finished the conversation, she laughed and said “Why didn’t anyone tell us how hard life was going to be?” 

I’ve thought about this a lot in my own life.   We parade the good stuff every chance we get, but the tough stuff…the painful stuff…the real stuff we keep hidden away.  We don’t talk about that stuff. Maybe we are worried we will be judged.  Maybe we are worried if anyone sees a crack in our “wall” they will chip away at it further.  Maybe we are embarrassed.  Maybe we just don’t want to admit to the bad stuff, even to ourselves.  But we all have it and if we are not struggling right now, we’ve struggled in the past or our struggles are waiting for us somewhere down the line.  No one gets a free pass.

So here is what I wish someone had said to my 20-year-old self…this is what I wish I knew about life.

Life is a road trip.  You will start off excited, full of hope, full of dreams, and endless possibilities.  Throughout your trip there will be times you will lose that hope, you will stop dreaming and you see no possibilities in sight.  Hang in there, search harder, keep hoping…these feelings won’t last.  This journey will take you through many terrains.  Some are dull and boring, while others will be exciting cities with bright lights and endless parties.  As you keep traveling, you will hit barren patches, sometimes with no signs of life.  At times you will feel like you are on a road so narrow you don’t seem to fit and one wrong move might send you over the high cliffs beside you.  But hold on to the steering wheel with both hands and put every ounce of energy you have to stay on the road.  As you come off the cliffs, you will be white knuckled, tired and stressed but you will end up at some of the most breathtaking landscape you’ve ever seen.  Stay there a while and rest.

You will find a traveling partner along the way.  You plan for this to be your partner for the rest of the trip.  There will be times you sit side by side and feel such joy and awe at what you see as you travel along.  Other times though, one partner gets tired so they go in the back and nap while the other has to carry the load of the drive.  You will switch places often.  There will be times you don’t want to travel with this person anymore.  You may want to travel alone.  You need the windows down, the wind in your hair and the radio blaring and you might even take a break from traveling together.  You may decide the journey is better alone…only you know your own truth…or you realize there is nothing more satisfying than sharing this journey with your partner.  It just wouldn’t be the same without them.   Kids may join your road trip.  It will give the trip new meaning and you will see the journey through a fresh set of eyes, but they will also make the trip more complicated.  You will find yourself exhausted.  But you will feel such a mix of pride and grief when they don’t show up for the trip one day because they’ve started road trips of their own.

You will meet so many special people along the way.  Some will travel with you and be part of your journey until the end, while others you will only know for a short time.  Some, you will meet briefly, but will show up again somewhere down the road.  Meet as many people as you can but try not to grieve when they go their own way.  They have served their purpose in your life and new friends and new lessons await you at the next stop.  Some people you meet will not be nice, but they have a lesson to teach you as well.  Most though, will be kind and generous and loving and be just what you need for that leg of the trip.  Cherish each one you meet and remember to send postcards along the way.

Although there will sickness and sadness on this trip, there will also be new beginnings and miracles.  You will laugh, you will cry, you will love, you will lose.  There might come a time you don’t want to be on the trip anymore.  You have lost your way and you don’t know how to get back to the main road.  You want to give up.  Don’t.  You might need to call for help, but keep driving and one day you will look on the side of the road and see something familiar, something that brings a smile and you will know you are back on track.  Some days the best you can do is just show up.  That’s ok too.  But always be grateful for this trip, many are not so lucky.  

As the trip ends, you and your partner will hold hands and smile and laugh as you reminisce over the memories of the trip.  Sometimes the “worst” parts of the trips turn out to be the ones that taught you the most, because without the difficult parts, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate the easy and beautiful parts.  You will finally decide it’s time to pull over.  When you get somewhere to rest, all of your friends and family will be there to meet you.  They will want to hear all about your trip and they will share parts of theirs.  And you will encourage your partner to continue with the trip alone or find another traveling partner because your part of the trip is over.  Or maybe it’s you that must learn to travel alone. 

You only get one road trip and it will fly by.  Don’t waste a minute of it.  Don’t get so weary from your travels you forget to laugh, to have fun, and to try new things.  Don’t let fear of the unknown stop you from exploring, from dreaming, from being adventurous.  Don’t spend too much time remembering past stops or worrying about future destinations, enjoy the moment in front of you.  Don’t have regrets.  Each stop on your journey has served a purpose.  And finally, don’t believe that happiness is a destination you are driving towards on your journey.  Happiness is the road trip itself.  Take it all in…each person, each moment, each landscape.  Always be present.  So as you prepare for your own road trip, pack lightly, put your sunglasses on, get your camera ready, buckle up and hold on tight!  You are in for the ride of your life…make it one to remember!

We have an unusually long summer break this year…a little over 3 months in fact.  The reason for the longer-than-usual break is to give the County time to finish the new high school.  Although we will make up for the break next year (we only get 2 months off next summer), I plan to enjoy every moment of it!  I will be out of town for about a month this summer spending time with all kinds of my favorite friends and family, but I am determined to use the rest of the time to do some things that I have either never done, or it has been years since I’ve done.  So, I created a summer bucket list. 

I have lived in Blacksburg my whole life.  When you live somewhere forever, you tend to start taking for granted all of the beauty and attractions an area like ours has to offer.  I never make the time to enjoy the things a visitor might, because I know I can do these things any time.  The problem is, I don’t ever take the time to do them.  So, I plan to change that this year!  Here is my personal summer bucket list…

1.        Pick berries at 3 Birds Berry Farm (formally Crow’s Nest) in Blacksburg
www.3birdsberryfarm.com
I’m embarrassed to say, I’ve never done this.  You can pick your own blueberries, blackberries and raspberries…YUM!

2.        Hike the Cascades in Giles County
www.gilescounty.org/cascades.html
I have done this many times, but it has been way too long.  It’s a 4 mile round-trip hike to one of the most beautiful waterfalls in Virginia.  Note there is a $3 fee per vehicle…this is new since I was last there if that tells you how long it’s been!

3.        Hike Virginia’s Triple Crown…Dragons Tooth, McAfee’s Knob and Tinker Cliffs
I have never really hiked before so this may be wishful thinking, but you have to dream big!

McAfee Knob is a 8.3 mile hike in Catawba that they say takes approximately 4 hours to complete.  It has a difficulty of 3/5 and seems to be a good way to start my hiking adventures.
www.hikingupward.com/jnf/McAfeeKnob/

Dragon Tooth is a 5.7 mile hike in Catawba that they also say takes roughly 4 hours to complete.  It has a difficulty of a 4/5 so we will see how I do!
www.hikingupward.com/jnf/dragonstooth/

Tinker Cliffs is a 7.7 mile hike in Mount Union (about an hour drive) that again takes about 4 hours to hike.  The difficulty level is again a 4/5 and they say it’s brutal for beginners, so this will be last on my list!
www.hikingupward.com/JNF/TinkerCliffsAndyLayneTrail/

4.       Go the Friday Night Jamboree at The Floyd Country Store
www.floydcountrystore.com/stage/jamboree-schedule
I have wanted to do this for 20 years!  The March, 2000 issue of Country Living magazine identified the Floyd County Store as one of the two best places in the country to hear bluegrass music (the other place was a club in New York City).  Show starts at 6:30 and ends around 10:30.  Cost for admission is $5. 

5.       Eat at The Homeplace Restaurant in Catawba
www.facebook.com/pages/The-Homeplace-Restaurant/115564841808913
I could not find a website, so this is their facebook page to learn more.  I’ve eaten here before, but it’s been a LONG time!  My mouth is watering already!

6.        Spend a day on the Blue Ridge Parkway
www.blueridgeparkway.org/
I’ve done this once or twice, but hope to go on a gorgeous day with the top down on my jeep and enjoy the scenery!  And maybe some pancakes from Mabry Mill!

7.       Canoe on the New River
www.newriverjunction.com/
The river makes me nervous, but Todd and I did this one time (pre-kids!) and had a blast!  If I can’t canoe, tubing will suffice!  It’s been a while since I even did that!

8.       See a movie at Starlite Drive-In in Christiansburg
www.starlitedrivein.info/
One of my favorite things to do and it’s been YEARS since I’ve been.  Not only am I going to go, but I’m going to fill the back of Todd’s truck with lots of blankets and pillows and watch it from the bed of his truck!

9.       Take advantage of the tons of amazing live music this area has to offer
www.nextthreedays.com/
There is so much live music going on in this area and especially in Blacksburg.  Whether it’s at one of the local restaurants/bars or an outdoor event, I’m determined to make it out to some shows!  I’m starting June 1 with the Blue Ridge Music Festival in Salem…very excited!

10.   Have brunch at Mountain Lake in Giles County
http://www.mtnlakelodge.com/
Once again, something I haven’t done in years.  The drive alone is beautiful!

I also have some silly, personal ones too…

1.        Drink some Boones Farm wine by a bonfire
2.       Have a cornhole tournament party
3.       Go fishing, but more importantly, catch one!
4.       Spend at least one day jet skiing or boating on the lake
5.       Have a reunion bowling day with my bowling team (we came in last place by the way! Haha!)
6.       See lots of movies
7.       Walk around the Virginia Tech campus, downtown Blacksburg and visit the Farmer’s Market
8.       Go to a wine tasting
9.       Try some new restaurants I’ve never been to
10.   READ!

Shew!  I’ve got my work cut out for me!  What’s on your bucket list this summer?  What should I be adding to mine?  Who wants to join me?  I’ll keep you posted with updates and pictures to see how I’m doing!  Keep me posted on yours as well!

It’s Mother’s Day weekend and I am lucky to be surrounded by some incredible moms.  They are great role models and each possesses amazing strengths I strive to emulate on a daily basis.  I have a wonderful support group of women who understand how hard it can be to be a mom.  They listen to me, they love me and they treat my kids as their own.  Like I said, I’m lucky indeed.

What makes me most fortunate though, is to still have my own mom in my life.  I know many who are not as privileged and how much they will be missing their own moms this weekend.  Last year for Mother’s Day I wrote my mom a letter.  I want to share an excerpt of that letter as a tribute to her and to honor all moms out there who may not get the recognition they deserve.

“Things in our family have changed so much since Daddy died.  Todd made a comment one time that it was because the center “hub” in our wheel was broken which made the wheel not able to function like it should.  It left me thinking about the impact people have on our lives and sadly, we don’t always realize that impact until they are gone.

My memories of Dad are more vivid than my memories of you.  I think it’s not only because he is gone, but also because my memories of him are in his “extreme” moments.  My memories of you are the everyday ones.  You standing over the stove every single night cooking us dinner, drying the dishes at night while we talked, the matching outfits you used to make us and then as I got older, taking me school clothes shopping every year.  Getting ready for dances, decorating the house with you for Christmas, and birthday dinners you made so special.  Seeing you in the stands at everything I ever participated in, laying on your bed watching you get ready to go out, and the smell of your perfume.  Tuesday night bridge, hot chocolate after a cold day of sledding, and packing for vacations.  Spending hours going through your jewelry box, taking care of me when I was sick, and the security, stability and comfort you provided me that made me never want to be too far away from you.  I still consider your house my “home” and have been there many times, even when you didn’t know it, when I needed to go where I felt most safe.

Over the years I would call the house and if Dad answered, he would say hello, then immediately say “you want to talk to your mother?”  I would try to have a quick conversation with him, but he was right…I wanted to talk to my mom.  You have been there through many breakups and makeups, you helped me choose colleges, furnished and decorated apartments, bought the outfit for me to wear to my first job interview and went with me.  You planned my wedding and helped me set up my first home.  You were there every step of the way through my troubled pregnancies, the births of my beautiful children, and to hang out with me when they were young and I wasn’t sure what to do with them.  You provided for me in ways that were so profound, I never even though about them until I was older.  I never worried about what I was going to eat, if I had clean clothes, if the house was presentable to have friends over, if we had enough money, and never once did I doubt your love for me.

I often worry about what kind of legacy I’m leaving and what kind of impact I’ve made on the people around me.  My kids say I’m no fun and boring, but if being boring means I am giving my kids the stability, comfort, and security of my own childhood, then “boring” is my proudest legacy.  I learned it from the best.  And although Todd may be right about Dad being the “missing hub” in our wheel, the hub would serve no purpose without the many spokes attached to it.  You were all those spokes…mother, friend, wife, caregiver, fashion designer, cheerleader, researcher, banker, taxi cab driver, advocate, interior decorator, teacher, travel agent, maid, party planner, cook, nurse…and the list goes on and on.”

I love you mom!  And to all my mommy friends on this Mother’s Day weekend, I hope each of you know how much you are appreciated and valued, and the difference you make in the lives of others.  Not just in the lives of your own family, but in my life.  I watch you.  I look up to you.  I’m amazed by you.  I live by your example.  I’m in awe of you job you do every single day.  I’m humbled by the deep love and commitment you feel for your children and I’m honored to be held in your company.  And to my own kids…nothing makes me prouder than to be your mom.  So, Happy Mother’s Day!!  I hope the day is as special as you are and you are showered with all the gratitude you so rightfully deserve!