I was part of a conversation recently where I overheard a lady telling someone else how she wished all sports would be banned from schools.  She felt too much emphasis was placed on sports, and not enough on academics.  She wasn’t talking directly to me so I decided to stay quiet.  But, I get it.  The accolades for athletic accomplishments far exceed the accolades for academic accomplishments.  We have sports sections in the newspaper and sports segments on the local news, but very little concerning the academic achievements of our youth.  Parents will sit in the freezing rain for hours to watch their child play sports, but won’t show up for a 15 minute parent-teacher conference.  Parents will argue profusely with a referee on a call they deem to be unfair, or make a multitude of calls to a coach if they believe their child is receiving unfair playing time, but have no interest in the unfairness of teacher pay, budget cuts, or the overall direction our education system is headed.  It’s a family affair to show up to watch our kids play sports, but how many of us bring our families to school-sponsored events that are not athletic in nature.  I’ve worried about the mixed signals I’ve sent my own kids at time.  Do my actions tell them I value their achievement in academics more than their participation in sports?  Our country certainly isn’t telling them this when the average NFL player makes a median salary of $770,000 while a teacher’s median salary is $52,000.  Like I said, I get it.

But now for the flip side from someone whose kids play A LOT of sports.  My kids are learning some crucial life lessons from their participation in sports and I couldn’t be more proud.  There were so many, I really struggled narrowing my list from 15 or 20, but here are my top 5! (in no particular order)

1.        Understanding commitment – My kids love playing sports, but there are days they really don’t want to go to practice.  But they do…because they’ve made a commitment.  They know their team is counting on them and they don’t want to let them down.  It’s their responsibility to contact their coaches if they have to miss a practice or need to be late, just like it will be their responsibility once they get a job.  Sports have taught them once you commit to something you follow through on that commitment because others are depending on you.

2.       Overcoming obstacles and perseverance – Life is going to throw us obstacles at every turn.  I certainly can’t prepare my kids for every one of them, but sports have taught them how to work through many.  They’ve dealt with getting cut from teams, lower than hoped for playing time, difficult teammates, questionable coaching, bad calls from refs, injuries, unsportsmanlike behavior (teammates AND parents), and playing through illness.  They are learning you get out of life what you put in it.  Nothing is handed to you, you must earn it.  And in order to earn it, you must never give up.  Effort equals results.

3.       Defining success – Sports are showing my kids there are many ways to define success.  Of course, wins and losses are one way, but I’ve watched my kids come home disappointed after a great win because they were not pleased with their personal performance, or on the other hand, be ok with a loss because they knew they played their best.  Success in life can be defined in many ways as well, but they are learning that doing your personal best, always equals a personal success.

4.       Teamwork and a focus on what you can control – Sports provide an opportunity for kids to learn to take turns and cooperate with teammates to achieve goals…even teammates they don’t like.  This holds true for the rest of your life.  You are going to have to work with people you don’t like, but still get the job done.  As kids learn their role on the court or field, this translates into the working world where you must understand your role within an organization in order to be most effective and efficient.  In life and sports, there is a lot of uncertainty.  You can control your attitude and effort, but you can’t control the refs, how your teammates are playing, or the coaches’ decisions.  Sports are teaching them to stay focused on THEIR effort, not on the outcome and let go of what they can’t control.  They make mistakes, but as athletes, they are learning to acknowledge their mistake, learn from it, then quickly brush it off and put it in the past so they can be mentally ready for the next game.

5.       Everyone has something different to offer/respect – In team sports, it’s rare that one person can perform every task well.  Different members of the team have different strengths and weaknesses.  Sports are teaching them to appreciate these differences and the importance of respecting what all people contribute to a game.  My kids have made friends with a diverse group of people they would have never had an opportunity to meet without sports in their life.  They also are learning how to be humble winners and gracious losers…a skill that will take them far in life.

Many people have questioned my decision to allow my kids to participate in so many sports.  They express concern for the limited amount of free time the kids have, the money and time we have spent on traveling on the weekends, and the lack of “family time” we have.  But it has been, without a doubt, the right decision for our family.  My kids stay naturally fit and healthy, they have stayed out of trouble (so far), and it’s something our family enjoys doing together.  Games are a family affair with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  Some of our best memories have been the four of us squeezed in a hotel room.  And then, of course, all the above mentioned lessons they are learning.  With all that said, I’m well aware that it’s their academics that will solidify their future and be the deciding factor on where they go to college.  So I will continue to try and find a balance for both their academic and athletic achievements.  I’ll still be the pacing mom up in the stands that can’t stand to watch when games get close and the pain-in-the butt mom checking their grades on the computer on a weekly basis. And I’ll continue to be extremely proud.  Not only of their report card or their starting position on a team, but proud of the amazing human beings they both are…on AND off the court.

Today is a bittersweet day for me.  My son got in the car and drove to school…all by himself.  The feelings were the same as the day he went off to kindergarten.  Wondering when in the world my little boy got so big.  Taking pictures he didn’t want me to take.  Waving to him with tear-filled eyes long after I could no longer see his car.  Planning how I could secretly follow him to school at a safe distance to make sure he got there ok.  Knowing I had to let go and let him navigate this milestone all by himself, but not wanting to.  

Don’t get me wrong, Brandon is a good driver.  I’ve been so proud of the way he’s handled himself in the car the past nine months.  I’m very excited for him.  I remember the first time I got behind the wheel all by myself.  I was cheering for a high school basketball game.  My mom let me take the car to pick up my best friend and drive to the high school.  Even though we were in a 1976ish station wagon the size of a small boat, Pam and I thought this was the coolest thing ever.  A door to a new kind of freedom opened up on that first drive and life was never the same.  Today is that day for him.

I have to admit though, I’m worried.  The statistics are sobering when it comes to teenage driving.  I hate to be Debbie Downer on such a special day in his life, but here are just a few I came across, from http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-teen-driving#

1. 33 percent of deaths among 13 to 19-year-olds in 2010 occurred in motor vehicle crashes.
2. 16-year-olds have higher crash rates than drivers of any other age and in their first year of driving, 1 in 5 16-year old drivers has an accident.
3. 56 percent of teens said they talk on the phone while driving and talking on the phone can double the likelihood of an accident.
4. Statistics show that 16 and 17-year-old driver death rates increase with each additional passenger and crash risk for teens increase incrementally with each mile per hour over the speed limit.
5. Only 44 percent of teens said they would definitely speak up if someone were driving in a way that scared them.
6. More than 40 percent of teen auto deaths occur between the hours of 9 p.m. and 6 a.m.

So Brandon, if you are reading this, here’s what I want to tell you. My concern for you as a new driver is not because I don’t think you’re a good driver, I do.  It’s because I’ve been there.  I’ve been in high school and I know what goes on.  I’ve seen serious car accidents and have been in them myself.  I’ve seen the drinking and driving and the car loads of kids with the music so loud you couldn’t hear yourself think.  I’ve ridden with friends who terrified me with their driving and I never said a word.  And I didn’t even have to deal with cell phones and texting.  Something that has become such an ingrained part of our life, it’s hard for even adults to stop doing it.  I’ve witnessed the speeding and goofing off and know what can happen even if YOU are doing everything right.  But mostly, my concern is because I’m your mom.  Because I love you.  You and Catie are the most precious things in my life.  Because I don’t ever want to live a day without you in it.  It’s hard for me to watch you grow up but I know I must.  I get a little sad, but also very proud, each time I cross something off my list of things you no longer need me for.  I’m going to miss the one-on-one time I have with you when I’m driving you places, as that seem to be the only time we really get to talk, but I know there are new adventures ahead for us and new memories to be made.

So enjoy this right of passage, but as you navigate through tough choices as a new driver, always remember I’m here for you.   Your dad and I will pick you up anytime, anywhere, no questions asked.  You are lucky to have an abundance of amazing aunts and uncles who are much cooler than I am and can keep a secret as well.  Use them.  Most importantly, have fun.  This is the start of some of the best days of your life.  And I hope no matter where you are, you’ll hear my voice whispering those three important words…use your blinker!!

Whether it’s a loved one who has passed away, a relationship that’s ended before you were ready, or a friendship that has run its course, missing someone that’s not in your life anymore is painful. 

Grief is a complicated visitor.  Sometimes we invite her in, but sometimes she comes at the most unexpected, inconvenient times.  Occasionally she stays a while and comforts us until we are ready for her to leave, while other times she races in, stays a couple of minutes, and is out the door before we can blink.  Every so often she comes with friends and we all visit together, and other times we only want to visit with her alone.  We can go days, months and sometimes even years without seeing her, but when she arrives at our doorstep, she’s as familiar as the day we met her.  Some of us remain friends with her for a lifetime, while others are able to let her go.  Most of our loved ones don’t like her or understand her, unless she is visiting them as well.  She has a hold on us like no other.

On the day my dad died, my family was gathered around his hospital bed in my parents’ bedroom.  He had passed but we were still saying goodbye and toasting his life.  I happened to glance out the bedroom window, and the mailman was delivering their mail.  I was outraged.  I did not understand how the world could keep going while my family was in such pain.  I wanted everything to stop…to show some respect for my father, for me, for my pain.  As we all know, it doesn’t.  Life goes on.  Over the years, when my heart has been that heavy with sadness, I have looked for a word that described how I felt.  Sad just seemed too mild.  I wanted a word that just didn’t say I’m sad, but screamed it from the mountain tops. (Yes, I can be a little dramatic!)  One day I was listening to my husband and son talk about a deer they had killed while hunting that day and it came to me…I felt like that deer.  I felt gutted.  Like everything on the inside had been taken out and my shell was left to carry on.

I used to believe that time heals all wounds.  But I wanted to know HOW much time.  How long before I was healed?  I kept waiting for the day I would no longer think about my loved one, the week I would no longer cry, the month I would not fall to pieces over missing sharing my life with him.  That time never came.  It was then I realized time doesn’t necessarily heal anything.  It gives you the opportunity to find ways to cope with your grief.  Time scabs over your wound, but on certain days, when you pick at the scab or hit it on something and it falls off, the wound is as fresh as the day you got it.  Time also gives you the chance to begin to think of your loved one and smile through the tears.  I don’t believe you are ever healed, but you carry on.  I don't believe you ever forget 

This blog is about lessons and I learned a very valuable lesson on the day my dad died.  I was back in my own home, in my bedroom with my daughter.  She was about four at the time.  I was sobbing.  You know, that red, puffy eyes, snot running down your face, sounds coming out you didn’t know you could make, kind of sobbing.  My daughter started to cry.  I immediately went into “counselor mode” and told her that mommy is just sad about Gdad and its ok for her to be sad also.  She should just let it out.  She looked at me and said, “Mommy, I’m not crying over Gdad, I’m crying because you look so ugly!  You’re scary!”  Well then, lesson learned!  I now never cry in public!

Today my daughter turns 14.  She came into this world with these huge brown eyes just staring at everything around her with such curiosity!  I’ll never forget those eyes.  Now I seem to be the one doing the staring.  Staring at this smart, creative, compassionate, strong, athletic, beautiful young lady and wondering where the time has gone.  Staring into her future with a smile, knowing she has so much to look forward to and so much to experience.  Staring at myself in the mirror and wondering where that young, hip mom went that seemed to be able to do it all.  It’s all going by too fast.  I’m trying to be intentional about savoring each of these moments with my kids, but I find myself panicking that I can’t slow it down.

Birthdays are a wonderful childhood memory for me.  My mom would make a special dinner for us of whatever we chose.  The whole family was required to be there and dinner would be followed with a homemade birthday cake and brightly wrapped gifts.  This tradition continued through college.  I’ve tried to create the same tradition for my own kids, but with busy schedules, games, and practices, I haven’t been quite as successful.  Along with celebrating, birthdays have also become a time of reflection for me.  Being thankful we made it another year and everyone is healthy.  Regretting angry words that were said and praying for guidance to be more patient in this next year.  Evaluating my own parenting…am I doing the job these kids deserve?  Looking back over the years and bursting with love for each of them.  Feeling grateful that God blessed me with these two amazing human beings and humbled at the thought I was entrusted with their future.

I have no idea what’s in store for our family or what’s in store for each of my kids.  I know things can change on a dime.  But for today, in this moment, I couldn’t be more proud of each of them.  So, Happy Birthday Catie!  I wish my dad was here to see you today and experience the joy that only comes from knowing you and loving you, but I know he is watching over you.  If he was here, I believe he would toast you with an Irish Blessing.  So, from G-dad through me, here is our wish for you.

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

I would be remiss in talking about limitless lessons without paying tribute to the great Dr. Seuss on his birthday.  One of my favorite aspects to my job is the wonderful children's books I get to read, and Dr. Seuss is still one of my all time favorites.  I started to compile a list of my top lessons from Dr. Seuss but I found a list already made that said it much better than I could.  So a thank you to sourcesofinsight.com for their 21 lessons and a big Happy Birthday to Dr. Seuss!

21 Lessons Learned from Dr. Seuss
There are so many great lessons from Dr. Seuss.  Each of his book is such a treasure trove of ideas and actions for a better life.  What I did here is boil down a set of 21 lessons that highlight his key themes across his works and quotes:

1. Be a thinker of great things.  Dr. Seuss teaches us, “Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!”
2. Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.  Sometimes you just don’t know what you’ve got until after it’s gone.  In Bartholomew and the Ooblek, King Didd got what he wished for, but the sticky Ooblek goo was worse than the fog, snow, sunshine, and rain that it replaced.  The King quickly wanted his old weather back and he learned to appreciate it.
3. Be your best you.   In the words of Dr. Seuss, “There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  Make the most of what you’ve got.   In Yertle the Turtle, we see “feather envy” and it’s a gentle reminder to be careful what you wish for and appreciate what you’ve got.
4. Bend your world in wonderful ways.  Nobody bends it like the Cat in the Hat.   From the metaphors you use, to the thinks that you think, you can shape your world that’s right in front of you.
5. Don’t put yourself in a box.  You’re only limited by your own imagination.   The Cat in the Hat teaches us how to let our imaginations run wild.
6. Don’t waste your time worrying who’s better than who.  In Yertle the Turtle, Dr. Seuss teaches us that “You have better things to do than argue who’s better than who.”
7. Dream it and do it.  You can move mountains when you put your mind to it.  Direct your life like a blockbuster and make things happen.
8. Edutainment wins over boring and ho-hum.  With whacky words, wondrous worlds, and fantastical characters, Dr. Seuss taught us the edutainment is how you change a child’s life.  Reading is only boring if you make it so.
9. Kindle your curiosity.  Keep your mind open and your eyes peeled.  Stay curious and follow your growth.
10. Life happens in moments at a time.  Don’t miss out on life by tuning out the little things along the way.
11. Own your fun.   There’s more to do than play in the rain.  When you’re bored, you’re boring.   The Cat in the Hat teaches us to be the maker of our own fun.  Make each day your own special blend of whatever it is that best floats your boat.
12. Play at your day.  You can play at your day, in every way.
13. Persistence pays off.  Be relentless in your pursuit of things.  In Green Eggs and Ham, it was through persistence that Sam-I-Am finally got the unnamed character to try the green eggs and ham.  In real life, Dr. Seuss’s first children’s book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected 27 times before being published by Vanguard Press.
14. Treat people fairly and squarely.  In The Sneetches and Other Stories, Dr. Seuss shows us that we can’t judge people by their lot in life or whether they have a star on their belly.  In Yertle the Turtle, it’s a reminder not to climb over people on your way to the top, because they’re same people you’ll see on your way back down.
15. Try it … you just might like it.  In Green Eggs and Ham, when the unnamed character was surprised to find out that he actually likes green eggs and ham once he tried them.  You just never know until you try.
16. Saying you’re sorry can help make things right.   In Bartholomew and the Oobleck, when the king finally said the magic words, “I’m sorry,” and “it’s all my fault,” he helped make things right again.
17. See the bright side of things.  It’s a great day for up, when you can see the sunny side of things.  Sure sometimes you’ll have to work at it, but positivity is a skill.  Do it daily.
18. Setbacks happen.  Deal with them and move on.   Make trouble think twice about messing with you.
19. Some people are much more unlucky than you.  When you’re down in the dumps and things get real bad, remind yourself that somewhere, somehow, someway … somebody is much “more unlucky than you.”
20. Success is a journey and we all have our own paths.  Make your journey count.  Don’t let fear stop you.  Don’t let conventional wisdom stop you.  Lead the life you want to live, and when there’s no path, make one.
21. Your voice counts.  In Horton Hears a Who, Dr. Seuss shows us how one little voice can tip the scale … after all, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

There are so many more I could add, especially from The Lorax to Oh, The Places You'll Go!  What would you add?  It's almost impossible for me to pick a favorite book because I love them all!  What's yours?  How about your favorite quote?  What has Dr. Seuss taught you about life?Dr. Seuss should be required reading for every adult.  Pick up a Dr. Seuss book and read it today.  I promise you will get more out of it as an adult than you ever did as a kid

I was frustrated.  I had been on the phone with technical support trying to get my computer fixed for over three hours.  Nothing was fixed.  I had grand plans on this snow day to accomplish much on my to-do list and I had done nothing.  The snow was beginning to fall harder and the picture in my head of a clean house, sipping hot chocolate while I watch a chick flick, was slowly but surely slipping away.  My 16 year-old son asked to be taken to the rec center to play basketball.  I was irritated.  Why does he need to go somewhere?  Why do I have to take him?  Why does no one think any more of me than to be their taxi driver?  I hate driving in the snow and I hate being a passenger driving in the snow even more while my son learns how to drive!  Needless to say, my son picked up on my mood.  He looked at me and said, “you’re going to miss this one day”.  I stared at my little boy who is no longer little and those 7 words hit hard.  He was right.  I know that…I already am.  

I’m missing my babies; the smell of their skin after a bath, the first smile and first giggle, their tiny hands and feet, watching my husband swaddle them and sleep with them on his chest, rocking them for hours, singing songs, and wet baby kisses.  I’m missing my toddlers; cuddling in the bed, The Land Before Time movies, the first time they saw the ocean and tried to swim, big hugs, boo-boos that only mommy can fix, first friends, and bedtime stories.  I’m missing my elementary-aged kids; kindergarten soccer, buttered noodles, music programs, class parties, the excitement of our trip to Disney World, believing in Santa Clause, trick or treating, the tooth fairy, endless hours at the pool and memorable birthday parties.  I’m about to miss my middle school kids as my daughter will finish 8th grade this year; the budding athletes they became, the friends they became inseparable with, our mandatory summer vacations and family dinners, homework, travel soccer, and their budding independence.  And I know what I’m getting ready to miss before I can even blink; rare conversations in the car as I taxi them around (my son gets his license in April), my weekdays and weekends full of basketball games, volleyball matches, and soccer tournaments, a messy house, dances, dates, school shopping, no food in the house, someone yelling “mom” all the time, loads of laundry, a house full of kids, and graduations of all sorts.  I’m not ready but I know I will be ok when the time comes because your children are ALWAYS your children and you never stop being a parent. 

The ending to this story is even hard for me to belive, but it’s true.  My son started up the car to drive to the rec center after his seven word response to my mood, and on the radio was playing Trace Adkins’ You’re Going to Miss This.  My son and I stared at each other for a moment.  I said, “Did you plan that?”  He said “No, but that is really weird.”  A new attitude was born for me in that moment and I hear that song playing in my head when it counts the most.  Take a listen and see if it hits home for you as well…